Jumper
by andI'mstillinlove
Summary: Who says that guitar can't win girls over? DONE I'll be back soon guys
1. Jumper

**Jumper**

**DISCLAIMER:** I own nothing but this concept, and even this might have already been used, if so, I'm sorry to the original author, I didn't mean to take it. --Enjoy--

Spencer sighed as she heard the familiar sound of shouting on the lower level. She heaved an even deeper sigh when she heard the familiar and disdained sound of the garage door slamming and the revving of the family's Chevy Tahoe before gunning out dangerously fast from the garage into the street below. It was like this almost all the time, day in and day out, month after month, and soon to be year after year. She couldn't figure it out. If two people hate each other so much they spend all their time together yelling, screaming, throwing things, and cursing, then why don't they just say it? Why don't they just ask for a divorce like everyone else does. Why on earth do they continue to try and keep up the failing charade of happiness in their family when one can't stand anything about their lives. Who knows, maybe it's just an adult thing or something.

She turned her head away from her thoughts as her door opened, and standing in its frame, an older man appears, with bags around his eyes, and his chest heaving from the shouting match, then quick ascent up the stairs. His eyes were glazed over with resentment, anger, and maybe even hatred. He look ten years older then he had since the move, but he seemed to disregard physical appearance with each passing day, only wearing a ruffled dress shirt with the tie half off, and loose-fitting trousers. He had yet to say anything, just looked at his daughter, his anger and hatred fading, only to be replaced with sadness and regret. When this first started, he would always come up to her room and sit down next to her as she cried quietly and tell her that it was "just a phase", or that they would "work it out", but after so many months of the empty promises, he finally stopped, realizing they were doing more harm then good by picking up her hopes, only to drop then from twice the height. He said nothing, just nodded to her before dissapearing for the next seven to eight hours, but unlike her mom who did God knows what, he did his job, and he loved it. Sometimes she thought that job was the only thing keeping him sane, having to deal with other people's problems in the place of his own. Several minutes later, she heard the door shut, but in a dejected and sad way, not an angry or resentful manner.

She sighed again,-something she had been doing a lot-, and looked outside as the Camry also drove off from the house. She then turned her attention to the outside world, noticing it was a beautiful and bright day, the sun shining and a cool breeze blowing, swishing the trees this way and that. These were the true days of summer. She had gotten out of school just days before, and she already felt the tell-tale summer boredom syndrome that came with having no friends, no social life, and being a loner most of the time. She shoved the thoughts of doubtless lonliness out of her head as she put on a pair of flip-flops, and walked down the stairs, giving a flippant wave to both of her brothers who were playing video games in the den, oblivious to everything but bashing each others brains out with the latest game, acting as if nothing had happened. She knew that they did care, no matter how little they showed it, or how loudly they denied it, but video games were their way to deal she guessed. Who knows, maybe its just a guy thing or something.

She walked slowly once outside, savoring the taste of summer. Her legs began walking her to the closest thing, the park down the street from her house, and her favorite place to think. It was quiet, quite big, and the green of the grass and trees, along with the laughter of playing children and the barking of dogs always helped calm her turbulent and conflicting thoughts. She was in the middle of said thoughts when she heard a noise. She looked up suddenly, searching for the source of distracting noise when her eyes fell on somebody sitting out in the middle of the baseball diamond, sitting cross-legged with a guitar in their hands, and lightly tuning it. She stared for a while, unsure with what to do with this person. If they were bad, she would obviously be out of yet another thinking spot, the park having excellent acoustics, and one sound on one end could be heard from the other side. She stood rooted to the spot, curious as to how well the person could play. Finally, the person -which she soon discovered upon closer inspection to be a girl- had the guitar to her liking and began playing. At first the notes were barely audible, and she could see the girl sitting with her ipod on as the music began to get louder. She smiled as the notes hit her, all very calm, and very soothing.

She continued to walk, very slowly this time as the notes swirled towards her from the mystery guitar player. She wasn't singing, but the song sounded familiar as the beat floated throughout the air. Finally, with another smile, Spencer realized it was Jumper from that one band... whatchmacallit, um, Third Eye Blind that's right. As soon as recognition dawned, the lyrics found their way into her head from memory.

_I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,_

_You could cut ties with all the lies that you've been livin' in,_

_and if you do not want to see me again,_

_I would understand._

She had to stop again as the music got stronger, and turned to regard the person once more. She couldn't see much from the distance she had, but from what she could piece together was that the player was a girl, maybe her age, give or take a year maybe, she had curly brown hair that fell behind her perfectly, and she was wearing over-sized glasses and was gazing at the ground as she continued playing, her mouth silently singing the lyrics. Suddenly, even as the music continued to play, she saw the head snap up and she felt her eyes on her, looking at her and surveying just as Spencer had been surveying her. Spencer felt a slight blush creep up her face, and she turned to continue walking, but not fast enough, because she still could hear the notes perfectly, as they built to the cresendo of the song, and gently swept back down to a calm ending. When she looked up again, the guitar girl was gone, and she felt herself somehow dissapointed without the music, and the calming prescence of the guitar player. She just sighed and turned back around, heading back to the house to spend countless hours in her room, listening to music to numb her from the outside world.

It had been a week since the guitar in the park incident, and Spencer became anxious for some unknown reason to return to the park, and maybe, just maybe catch a glance of that guitar girl. So with a tight smile on her face, she put back on her flip flops, and passed her brothers, who were once again at it with each other while screaming profanities at the screen. It was almost the same scene as last week, but Spencer felt lighter somehow, and the expectation of her being there, well it was enough to push the thoughts of everything else out of her head, if not for a little while. She found her legs practically running her there, coming to an abrupt stop at the beginning of the sea of green. Her head craned eagerly towards the baseball diamond as she felt her heart soar, there she was, once again, in that same spot, with that same guitar and everything. Spencer felt herself become giddy at the thought of another song from her.

I almost fainted with excitement as the first chord rang throughout the park. I found it to be as happy as last weeks song, but a little faster. The song once again rang recognition through me, but I couldn't quite place the song yet. I found myself smiling again, as I stood at rapt attention, listening to everything pouring out of the guitar. After she had finished that one, she began to play another, then another, and finally, the sun had begun to set by the time she was done, and I found myself still there, my legs numb from hours of standing, but my head buzzing with all the songs she had played in the last hour or so. She stood up suddenly and shouldered her guitar as she began walking to the opposite side of the park, going slowly, almost as if reluctant to leave. I was tempted to run up to her and introduce myself, but I didn't want to freak her out by telling her I'd been standing there watching her play guitar for the last hour and a half. She continued to walk as I continued to watch, attention still held by her, even without that guitar of hers with her. She was wearing denim shorts with a white tank-top, and her oversized glasses perched on her head as she marched forward. Finally, in the dying light and distance growing between us, I lost her, but my heart still couldn't stop racing eratically in my chest. As I walked home, I remembered one song that she had played, it was a Goo Goo Dolls song, but I can't remember which one.

_Stranger then your sympathy,_

_And this is my apology,_

_I cut myself from the inside out,_

_When all my fears have pushed you out._

I smiled again as I walked into the coming darkness.

So the days came and went, and before I knew it, I had spent everyday at that park, waiting for guitar girl to show up and play something for me for the last month. Every day she played something, it was different, a different song, a different artist, a different CD, she even switched guitars every now and then. The songs corresponded to her mood, or so I guessed, because the songs went from happy and upbeat to quiet, angry, loud, violent, even out of tune at one point, but I always came back, and before I knew it, my life was revolving around her and her guitar. It was on a particular day that I was on my way to the park when I stopped cold, her spot, usually occupied by now was empty. My heart stopped beating, and I felt myself shaking a little bit. _It's ok, maybe she's sick, or maybe she didn't want to come today, it is kind of bad weather. Maybe she's just running a little late. Yeah, that's it, one of her guitar strings snapped on her guitar, and she needed to fix it before she could come here... Yeah, that's what it is._ But I waited for about a half an hour, and by now I was hysterical without her and her guitar. Finally though, I got control of my shaking and turned around to head home and return to my lonely solitude when I ran into someone, knocking myself down, but the person stayed, rooted there and staring down at me. I looked up, and found my heart had once again stopped.

There she was, in the flesh, my guitar girl. She smirked down at me, and I felt myself shrink ten times smaller under her gaze. It turned out her eyes were a deep brown, and I found myself immersed in emotion and feeling as soon as I locked gazes with her. She interuptted my flow of thought when she opened her mouth, and out of it streamed the voice of an angel, and I felt myself almost lose touch with reality for a second. Her words didn't even register, so she repeated them once more.

"Need a hand?"

A/N: This idea hit me while I was in the park today walking my dog. I was thinking about how bored I'm going to be this summer (i have 5 weeks left of school), and I decided on going out to the park and playing guitar there whenever boredom hit me, and then I guess i got the general idea from my daydreams and thoughts. Review if you can manage ) (oh and sorry I randomly switched PoV's I seem to be doing that a lot in writing, and my English grade is starting to show it)


	2. Echo

**Jumper**

A/N: Thanks to all my reviews, they made (and are making me) giddy, excited, and all smiley lol. And a big thanks to you whoever you are for sticking around for the latest installment of Jumper. --Enjoy--

"Need a hand?"

I opened my mouth several times, only to find breath coming out of it. She just laughed at me-I swear that laugh was enough to disarm Freddy Krueger, Jason, Chucky and then some- and grabbed my hand and hauled me up. Now I found myself not only talking to her, but having her hand on mine, it was almost too much for me, and I felt my knees go a little weak. I finally worked up enough courage to raise my eyes from our hands (still entwined) and meet her own eyes. She was wearing a small smile, and my head began to swim as her perfume invaded my senses, flooding my system. Whether or not I meant to, I felt a large grin appear on my face as the smell registered; Lilacs. She laughed again and let my hand go as she stepped back, surveying me as I stared at a rather interesting crack in the sidewalk next to her feet. Her voice startled me once again.

"I was just gonna play guitar, care to join me?"

The request didn't even register, but I felt my own head – now feeling freakishly large and heavy-move up and down as she smiled again, pleased. She jerked her head to her left, in the direction of her usual spot and I followed her mechanically in silence. When we finally arrived, she motioned for me to take a seat on the pitchers mound as she sat at my feet, taking her guitar from her back and placing it in her lap. She began to quietly strum the guitar, occasionally tuning, with her brow furrowed in thought.

"So, how longs it been since you've been watching me? A month in another couple days I think."

I didn't say anything, but I felt my cheek's catch on fire and I'm sure my cheeks looked like it too. She just laughed at me, and I felt time stop for a second or two, God, she was one of the most beautiful girls I'd ever seen... Her voice broke me out of my inward praising again.

"Don't worry about it, I thought it was pretty funny myself, in that creepy sorta stalkerish way y'know."

My mouth moved without my brain fully giving it's consent, and my insides screamed at me to stop before I really screwed things over, but when my mouths in gear, it takes more then common sense to stop it.

"I'm so sorry. I mean, I really didn't mean to be all stalkerish, it's just that you know, your a really good guitar player and all and-"

All coherent (or not so coherent) thought and talking stopped as she put her hand on my knee, giving it a light squeeze, that I was assuming was meant to be as a sign of forgivness, and I heaved a relieved sigh.

"It's no problem really, and thank you, that's sweet that you think I'm good."

I only smiled at her as she returned her concentration to her guitar, trying to tune it again. Finally, my mind had worked out a reasonable strategy and conversation in my head that sounded pretty reasonable to me.

"So... how long have you been playing guitar?"

She looks up at me, and I almost fall into those eyes. She shrugs her shoulders as she returns to her guitar.

"Dunno, I've had a pick in my hand for as long as I can remember. My dad is a guitar fanatic you could say, so the house was full of em' all over the place. Y'know hanging on walls, leaning on stuff, I even remember finding one in the fridge one time."

She pauses for a second, smiling at the memory before continuing.

"But anyway, I got bored one day, so I just picked up the nearest guitar..."

She points to the one she's holding.

"And gave it a shot. I couldn't play jack for a long time, but I finally convinced my dad to give me some lessons, and here I am, sitting on the pitchers mound with a girl I've known for about ten minutes."

I blushed at the last part as she began to softly play, and automatically, my head snaps up, and I began to descend into the trance that always happens when she plays. Suddenly, she stops. I look at her confused, and she just grins at me.

"You any good at singing?"

"Me? No, no, nothing but shower singing for me." _Did I just say that??_

She laughs again and shakes her head.

"C'mon, I bet your pretty good, you seem like you have the right voice for it anyway."

I open my mouth to protest, but pause, as I try and think of what that means.

"The right voice for it?"

She looks up at me, another smile, and I almost faint right there.

"Yeah, you know, you have that nice soft voice, and when you talk, your in like the perfect pitch of C."

I frown at her, all of the words flying over my head, but I still smile and blush a little bit, from what little I could understand, it was a compliment.

"I have no idea what that means but..."

I look up and she's looking at me with pleading eyes, you know the kind of eyes that baby deer have when they get caught in the headlights and in that splitsecond before they get hit by the car, and I felt myself just kind of give away, and before I know it, I only smile and laugh at her face before agreeing.

"Ok fine, but if you get a head-ache from my voice, that's your fault not mine."

She only smiles at me as she turns back to her guitar.

"Sorry, but I don't think that's possible."

My grin only widens.

"So what do you have for me to sing?"

She pauses for a moment, in thought, before her face lights up.

"Ever heard of the Hush Sound?"

I nod, they were one of my favorite bands, I loved the lyrics and the piano.

"Echo?"

"Yeah sure."

She only smiles at me before placing her fingers on the guitar and strumming. The sound that comes from the acoustic sound just like that in the CD, and before long, I swallow the huge amount of nervousness in my throat and open my mouth to sing. I cringe at myself, but when I pause to tell her "I told you so", she just smiles and shakes her head at me.

"That was perfect, try it again, don't stop though."

I can only smile as she begins the intro again. This time, when I sing, I feel so much more comfortable, and before long, I'm staring at her, by accident as I sing. She feels my gaze and lifts it from the ground to lock stares with me, and I almost stop singing again when I see those eyes.

_Echo, my voice is an echo,_

_Of places I don't know_

_And stories I've been told._

_Echo, we all are connected,_

_A light house, a voyage,_

_For history's sake_

_Will you please take notice._

Ashley joins in on the last refrain on the song, and even as I sing, I am amazed by her voice. If I were to die and go to heaven while she sang, I'm sure the angels would be singing Echo exactly like she was right then.

_Echo, my voice is an echo_

_Of places I don't know,_

_And stories I've been told._

_Echo we all are connected, _

_A light house a voyage_

_For history's sake,_

_Would you please take notice._

We both stop on the same note, and I feel my face probably frozen in that smile that hasn't left my face. She only throws back her head and laughs.

"That was perfect, really it was, you have a great voice."

I can only blush at her and avert my eyes to the ground, afraid of cracking under that gaze.

"You were really good, you have a really pretty voice."

She only smiles.

"Care for another round of songs?"

I laugh too, and now that I look back, it was my first real laugh in a very very long time.

A/N: Short short, yes I know, but I think I might be able to turn out another chapter or two even, I've got tons of ideas spinning around in my head. Song credits: from chapter one...

Sympathy, Goo Goo Dolls

Jumper, Third Eye Blind

Chapter 2:

Echo, The Hush Sound

all great artists, I demmand that you buy their CD's right now!!


	3. Fidelity

**Jumper**

A/N: Once again, thanks for reading this far –Enjoy--

We stayed there for hours, doing nothing but singing, talking, and laughing. I don't think I've ever been this happy since... well I don't really think I've been this happy in a long, long time, let's just leave it at that. Even when the sun began to set, we didn't move, and as soon as the stars began to shine from the sky, we lay down on our backs and stared at the stars for several more hours, still talking and getting to know each other. I had learned that her name was Ashley Davies, she was a year older then me, she went to my high school, King, and she was probably the most interesting and lively person I had ever met. I had come from Ohio, which if you didn't know, is smack dab in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by nothing but rolling plains and cows. Ashley was probably my first true taste of L.A., and I had to say, I liked it, I liked it a lot.

"So what're you doing this summer?"

I looked to my left and found Ashley staring back at me intently, trying to figure me out. I loved her eyes. I'd never seen eyes filled with such passion and life, but not just the good things, I also saw the bad things, that she'd had her heart broken more then once, and she was used to being alone for a great part of her life.

"I... don't know actually. I thought I'd just stay at the house, but I don't think you'll leave me alone long enough for me to get any quiet time."

She only smiles.

"Damn right I won't, you won't get any sleep now that you know me."

I roll my eyes and turn my gaze back to the pin points of light in the distance, but I realize they look like little candle flames compared to the girl laying down next to me. I smile at the thought.

"So what're you doing tonight?"

I look back to her, and she's resting her eyes with a peaceful look on her face. I let my eyes rove over her as she continues to be blissfully unaware of my search. Her stomach is slowly rising and falling, and if I strain enough to hear, I can hear her rhythmic breathing in time with her stomach. If I didn't know any better, I would say I had just met an angel. Almost as if reading my thoughts, her eyes snap open and fix me with an intense look. I look away.

"Nothing I suppose... why?"

"No reason, just wondering."

"Ok."

Suddenly, she sits up, startling me and before I can say anything, she's pulled me up as well, and we are both standing, very close when she fixes with a look that could make God faint.

"Come over to my place?"

I don't say anything, just stand there, dumbfounded. She continues to look at me, scrutinizing my every blink and breath, and before long, I can't even think straight. I just look at her and smile. She grins and punches a fist into the air, obviously happy for some company. She backs away and picks up her guitar and ipod before standing back up to look at me as I look right back. All of a sudden, there's a change in the air, and I can almost feel the electricity flowing from this girl, and I can't help but catch a little myself as we stand there, our gazes locked. As much as I'd like to break it off, I find myself ensnared in those eyes, as I find myself falling deeper and deeper into those pools of brown. Suddenly, she blinks, and with that, she looks away and motions for me to follow her. I follow slowly, unsure of what just happened when I hear a shout from ahead.

"C'mon slowpokey, let's get a move on!"

I only stick my tongue out, even though I know she can't see it and walk a little faster, finally catching up with Ashley. We spend several minutes walking in silence until she stops in front of a house. Or should I say, a mansion, but even that would be undermining how big that thing is. I stand in awe as she trudges over the perfectly cut lawn and to the front door. She opens it and looks back to me, but I have yet to move. I can hear her sigh before she walks back over to me and grabs my arm, sending an electric pulse through my body and pulls me towards the giant opening. It's even bigger inside, and I turn around in circles several times trying to take everything in. She rolls her eyes as she sets her stuff down on a table at the entry way.

"Oh come on Spence, it isn't _that_ big. You should MTV cribs, Lil' John's house is awesome."

Finally, when she see's I'm not going to stop twirling in circles, she puts both her hands on my shoulders to stop me,- which it did in more ways then one-, fixing me with one of her "looks" before taking my hand and leading me up the huge flight of stairs to the second story. She leads me through a series of halls and stops at a door that has tons of stickers and spray paint all over it. I laugh at what some of the spray paint spells out as she grins and opens the door. Inside, there's posters, stickers, spray paint, guitars, and countless other things covering every square inch of space in the room. I see a giant T.V. In one spot, with a couch in front of it, and a King sized bed by the bay windows, and in the corner a drum set and countless basses, guitars, and several keyboards strewn all over the place.

"Sorry it's a mess, I don't have people over much."

I chuckle lightly.

"Obviously."

I suddenly get smacked in the head with a pillow, and turn to see an innocent looking Ashley sitting on the arm of the couch. I glare at her, but her innocent look disarms me after a second. I act like I don't know who threw it, and as she turns to pick up some DVD's, I chuck the pillow at the back of her head, causing her to fly over the couch and onto the floor. She's up faster then I thought she would be, and soon, a very physical, and slightly dangerous game of tag/pillow fight/tickle each other to death ensues. Finally though, I manage to jump her from behind, with her giving me a make-shift piggy back ride until she collapses beneath me, with me landing on top of her and facing her back.

"God your heavy."

"Hey! At least I don't have all flab and no muscle."

"Your sooo going to regret that later on Spence."

"Yeah yeah Ms. Davies."

We both smile, and several minutes pass in silence as I began to feel slightly tired. I let my head fall onto the back of her neck, finding it warm and safe, just like the rest of her. She doesn't say anything, just moves her hair from her neck and out of my face before falling silent again. If I could, I'd sleep here all day, everyday until I die. I begin to nod off, and before I know it, I'm woken up by my bed moving beneath me. I instantly leap up, only to find my bed was in fact a person, and from my position on her back, I had buried Ashley's face in her carpet for God knows how long. I shake her gently before she rolls over, a sour expression on her face.

"What??"

"Gosh Ms. Grumpy Pants excuse me for interuptting your nap."

I turn to walk away, but find a hand closes over my ankle, and before I know it, Ashley is on top of me, tickling me half to death as tears begin to stream down my face.

"Told ya I'd get you back. What now Spence? How do you like me now??"

"Ok, ok, please stop with the tickling, I think one of my lungs exploded."

She only laughs before getting up and leaving me on the floor.

"Hey get back here!! I'm not done with you yet!!"

I hear laughter filter from outside the room in the hall, and I bolt to my feet and run to the hallway, finding Ashley already halfway down the stairs.

"Hey wait!! I don't want to get lost in here!!"

She turns back, and my breath catches in my throat. The moon-light is filtering in through one of the various sky lights, and the way it hits her, she really does look like an angel. She smiles at me, and I can feel my heart turn into liquid inside my chest. She gently waves to me, still smiling.

"C'mon slowpoke."

A/N: Next up, the sleepover at Ashley's house!! I know we're all excited for that one. Ok, I bid you all a good night or a good morning, or good afternoon, or something else in between, I will update tomorrow, Peace.


	4. This Week the Trend

**Jumper**

A/N: Wow, I am in total awe. My stories had over 1000 hits, i have 13 reviews, and everyone seems to love this story. Wow... that's all I really have to say. And a big thanks to all my reviewers, you now make my world go round, and thank you, whoever you are for sticking around for Chapter 4, i think my updating schedule will be one chapter a day, maybe one every other day if school starts getting in my way again. So yeah –Enjoy--

I followed Ashley down her monster steps, through a pool room, through a family room with a T.V. That's half as big as my house, and finally into a chromed kitchen, causing me to squint when Ashley hits the lights.

"I'm starved what do you want?"

She walks to the fridge and begins to pull out random containers of this and that, setting them all on the counter behind me.

"C'mon now Spence, I can't read minds."

I just laugh as I walk up behind her, gently resting my chin on her shoulder as she looks intently into the fridge. I can see the smallest sliver of her smirk before she returns to surveying the food.

"Ok, so we either attempt to cook and run a very high risk of dying in a raging fire, or we play it safe with pizza."

I fake thought, my chin still on her oh so comfortable shoulder.

"I dunno... have you heard about those crazy pizza delivery guys? Their supposed to be real maniacs and even pyros."

She laughs again before turning around to madly tickle me again, going right for my weak spot, my sides and stomach. I begin to squeak almost inhumanly as she laughs harder, still pushing me back until I feel my back hit a cool tile wall. I jump at the cold on my back, being such a contrast to the feeling of warmth spreading throughout me as Ashley continues to madly tickle me. Finally, she gives up and lets me sink to the floor, tears running down my face as I laugh hysterically.

"Take it easy there Spence, wouldn't want you to bust a kidney or anything."

My laughter finally subsides as I struggle to my feet, intent on catching the mischievous brunette, only to find her gone. I search wildly for her, my head turning this way and that when I hear the click of a button and the blaring sound of someone talking from the other room. I wander in to find Ashley sitting on the huge couch in front of the huger t.v.

"You have to stop leaving me Ash, one of these days I'll get lost in here and you'll never see me again."

"Guess I'd better try harder."

"Ha ha, funny."

"That's what my therapist says."

I roll my eyes and sit down on the opposite side from Ashley as she continues to flip through channels, finally giving up and going to the enormous rack that held hundreds of DVD's.

"So what kind of movies do you like?"

"Anything but scary, I'm really jumpy."

She turns back to me, an evil smirk on her face, and I instantly regret telling her that.

"Wait, no no, I don't like comedies, the actors laughter burn my ears."

Her grin only widens as my stomach sinks. She picks up a DVD and puts it into one of the various blinking machines below the t.v, and cranks the volume way up before plopping down beside me, her evil smirk still there as she presses the play button. I swear to God I saw little devil horns appear on her head. I shrink into myself as the room fills with an ominous sound and I freeze. I know that sound... I turn my neck robotically to face Ashley.

"Please don't tell me you picked..."

A bright red credit flies up with a bang, scaring the crap out of me as I scream loud enough to crack china in half. Ashley's on the floor laughing hysterically.

"Ashley!! I hate this movie!! Turn it off!!!"

"Sorry Spence, it was your own mouth that doomed you."

Ashley had unwittingly unleashed a horror upon me that I hated with a passion. Glen had forced me to watch the Grudge one, and I had started crying and screaming halfway through, but even after I had gone to bed, hours after watching it, that noise had stuck with me, and to this day, I'm terrified of hearing that noise, and I usually put my hands over my head as I whisper "happy place, happy place." People find it pretty hilarious to do to me, but for some odd reason, I can't stand that noise. Suddenly, the door bell rang, sounding like thunder throughout the house as I screamed again, probably breaking a window in the house. Ashley was still laughing as she went to the front door and payed the guy for the pizza.

"Oooo, the pizza of the Grudge!!"

I try and compose myself enough for a comeback, but my words elude me as she sits down beside me opens the pizza box, taking a slice for her, and then handing me one before setting the box down on the ground and folding her legs up underneath her as she pressed the play button again. I continued to scream/eat pizza while screaming for the next half of the movie before I finally screamed so loud that Ashley had to start tickling me to smother me. I managed to beat her back, but she looked slightly frustrated with me.

"God Spence, it's just a movie, what're you freaking out for?"

"I told you I'm jumpy!!"

"Yeah but you didn't say 'I scream like a banshee at parts that aren't scary!'"

"This is scary!!"

"Do I have to hold your hand or what??"

I open my mouth to retort but pause. A mental image of our hands intertwined while I lean my head against her floats into my mind, and I find myself with a smile on my face, only to have snapping fingers in front of my face.

"Earth to Spencer!!" 

"What??"

"Do you want me to hold your hand or not?"

I pause again, I really didn't want to freak her out by saying yes, but if she didn't mean it, she wouldn't have asked twice... right? I nod my head stiffly up and down, and as she presses the play button, I feel warmth enveloping my left hand as she moves closer until I can feel the heat from her, slowly radiating off to me. I can't but put a smile on my face. Before long, I'm still screaming, but not as loud, and I usually have a death grip on Ashley's hand, and by the time it gets to the end, I'm afraid that I might have cut off blood flow to her right hand, but she doesn't say anything as the credits roll, her hand still on mine. Long after the movie stops and goes back to the main menu, our hands are still clasped together, and I am beginning to dread the moment that our hands will separate. Almost as if to prolong it from coming Ashley turns to me.

"Another scary movie?"

My rational side is screaming "oh, hell no!!", but most of my body was saying "As long as that hands on mine I don't care what it is we're watching." I decide to go with the latter half of my emotions. I look back to her and nod a shaky yes. She laughs as she releases my hand and gets up, wandering to the rack again. I sigh at the loss of comfort as I look at my hand, still warm from the long time of being together with Ashley's. Her voice breaks me out of my thoughts.

"Need me to hold your hand again?"

She's looking back at me, and I can see the humor in her eyes as she asks, but I can also see something else... hope. No, that couldn't be, why on earth would she _hope_ to hold hands with me again? Despite my better judgment, I nod again.

"I should start charging you for hand-holding, it ain't easy."

"Sorry, I told you I don't like scary movies."

"Yeah, then why are you letting me put in another one?"

I pause, mind racing. Wait, did I just get caught? No that couldn't be.

"Just an experiment I suppose. Y'know to see how long I last."

She laughs as she puts in the DVD.

"Right."

She sits back down, once again closing her warm hand over my seemingly cold one, and I can feel a shiver race through me. It turns out the next movie she decides to subject me to will be none other then the Ring, which I also hate, I mean that little girl is freaking evil, she can crawl out of people's tv and take their souls, if that doesn't scream Satan-Spawn, I don't know what does. It's a lot less scarier then I remember it being, and before long, I'm only jumping a little bit at the scary parts, Ashley's hand still on mine as we go. About halfway through, my head begins to feel slightly heavy, and I feel it droop down a little bit before snapping it up as a scream jerks me awake. I hear laughter and see Ashley is watching me instead of the tv.

"Tired already Spence?"

I try to shake my head, but find it incredibly heavy. I hear another laugh from my left. I suddenly feel something warm on my head, and before it even registers, I realize Ashley had gently pulled my head down to her shoulder, my full weight of my head now on her shoulder. Almost automatically, her head comes down on top of mine, leaving me in the crook of her neck as the movie continues. All coherent thought had stopped as soon as I had felt that warmth, and no matter how much I wanted to stay up to savor the warmth, I felt my eye lids eventually get heavier and heavier until everything went black.

A/N: I can imagine everyone's faces as they glare at the screen and scream at it "AND WHAT??", but that my friends will have to wait at least another hour or two, I have to eat, go to the gym, and read Romeo and Juliet for english. And the only reason I'm putting in all these very small insignificant things is to try and drag the story out. Dirty trick I know. Peace my friends.


	5. WonderWall

**Jumper**

A/N: Wow, still amazed at how many hits/reviews i keep on getting, it's the first time anyones really liked my writing, but enough of my gushing. Thank you to all those that reviewed, and you, the loyal reader for sticking around for so long. I think I might even put something interesting in this chapter...

--Enjoy--

I didn't awake for hours, and when I did, I found myself staring a faded white ceiling that was not my own.Once again, upon inspection, I found myself in Ashley's room on her king sized bed. I grinned again as I surveyed where we were. Somehow, I'd fallen asleep on the couch in the living room, but ended up in Ashley's bedroom. An even wider smile lit up my face as the only logical way to have gotten me up the stairs would be her carrying me. My cheeks flamed when the realization hit me, and got to the point where they were on literal fire when I found myself ensnared in Ashley's arms. She had somehow carried me up to her room, put me down, and managed to intertwine her arms and legs with mine, all without me stirring from my sleep. I tried to take inventory of where her limbs were, and I soon found (to my great happiness) her arms were entwined around my waist as my arm was around her shoulder, her head resting just below my chest, going slowly up and down in time to my breathing. Her legs were tangled with mine, and I couldn't even tell whose legs were whose.

"mmmm."

I looked down to Ashley to see her inching into me further, tightening her grip around my middle as she continued to lightly snore. She was so damned cute when she was sleeping. It was then that I realized that I actually had some quiet time to myself to try and sort out my emotions and thoughts, all of them bundled together and whirling around in my head. As much as I liked this feeling... wait, what is this feeling? Butterflies, shy, random grinning and giggles... what is this? It couldn't be... No, I've had boyfriends before, I mean, I went through this before, but it was just a "phase." Maybe it was one of those "phases" that my dad said he and mom are going through. Now my head began to hurt. I couldn't be. Could I? Wasn't this whole "identity crisis" supposed to happen when I'm like 15? I'm 17 for God sakes, I should know who and what I want! My thoughts were halted immediately as Ashley proceeded to snuggle further into my warmness, tightening her grip yet again, and yet, I could find no discomfort with it. Damn! This can't be happening right now. I need a shrink. Maybe mom knows one from her unbalanced and unstable phase.

"You get this weird pouty face on when you think hard... Did you know that?"

My brain stopped for a second or two, and I was vaguely aware of my jaw hitting my collar bone. She just laughed, putting her head back down on my stomach, apparently listening to something.

"You have a really steady heartbeat. I can hear it all the way in your stomach, I think your gonna live a long time."

Still, words eluded me, and for several more minutes, I sat there speechless as Ashley listened to my inner tickings. It made me almost nervous, her listening to my heart beat and everything. Her voice startled me again.

"You sleep ok? You were out like a light when I hauled you up here."

I blushed, a mental image coming into my head, as I finally grasped onto words.

"You could've woken me up you know."

"Yeah, but you looked so cute and peaceful when you sleep. Like a little puppy or something."

I laugh as she stares at me intently with her eyes, her chin now resting on my moving stomach.

"You have a soft stomach too."

"Why are you noticing all these things?"

"Because I like them."

I freeze. No Spence, no. We'll figure out your thoughts later, but for right now, do not take her jokes and comments as flirting, they are NOT flirting, anything but. Picture it as an insult. Maybe having a soft stomach means I'm fat. Yeah, we'll go with that.

"You hungry, or do you just wanna lie here for a little bit?"

"I'm not sure, but I really have to pee."

She smiles at me as she removes her arms from my waist and takes her legs back from mine, as I mourn over the loss of warmth and safety. I jumped up and walked into her bathroom, shutting the door. I didn't really have to go to the bathroom, but being so close to her was bound to make me do something sooner or later. _Maybe she wants you to do something._ I jump at the thought. No way. I quickly turn on the faucet and put cold water on my face, hoping to erase some thoughts and images from my head, but to no avail, they were stuck there, right smack dab in the middle of my brain. I hear a knock.

"Spence, you ok in there?"

"Yeah, yeah sorry, just spaced out."

My voice is strained, and I think it just cracked. I open the door to see Ashley still waiting there, clad in a pair of short shorts and a white tank top from yesterday, and my eyes escape me for a second before I slam them shut.

"C'mon slowpokey, lets go get some food."

I smile at her as my tension begins to fade, and my thoughts hold for a while, she has that amazing affect y'know. The ability to quiet my mind down and make me calmer. She just had this presence that was so warm and comforting, I marveled at it, this would be the first time I'd ever encountered anything like it. I run after her and down the steps, but come to an abrupt stop at the bottom as I see Ashley standing in the doorway, facing an older woman who looked sort of like her, adding 20 years, one kid, a lot of cigarettes, alcohol, and drugs, and maybe subtract a personality. She's glancing from me to Ashley as a scowl comes to her face.

"Really Ashley, I told you not to have any of your..."

She looks at me again, eying me up and down and making me feel slightly uncomfortable as she scrutinized me.

"'Things' in my house when I get back from trips. That's the least you could do for me."

I saw Ashley's eyes dilate as soon as the word 'things' was breathed.

"Ok, first off, she is not a 'thing', she is a person, and a great one at that. And second, she is a friend, we are not dating or anything."

"Right, just don't make too much noise, I'm going up to my room to unwind from my trip."

She marches up the stairs, brushing past me with an air of ignorance and cockiness as she walked past. We waited until we heard a distant door slam closed before Ashley exploded into a bomb of colorful language. I walk slowly down as she regains control of her temper. By the time I stop, she's looking down at the floor, and when she raises her eyes to me, I can almost see tears forming.

"I'm so so sorry Spence. She's just such a..."

"A bitch yeah I figured."

She smiled at me lightly. Turning her gaze back to the floor.

"I really am sorry."

"It's not your fault she's a devil woman, don't worry about it. I think my mom's having an affair behind my dad's back, but I deal ok."

My mouth seals shut. _What the hell did you just say??_ I look at Ashley with wide eyes as I realize what I just said. I hadn't told anybody about what I thought, not even Clay, or even dad. Nobody, and here I am throwing it out to a girl I've know 24 hours.

"That must suck Spence, I'm sorry, I stopped caring after the first time with my dad and mom."

"I'm sorry you had to go through it too Ashley."

"Alright c'mon, we're going out for breakfast, no way in hell I'm staying here."

I laugh at her as she suddenly regains her former self, and I find my thoughts about my parents and soon ending family ended when she gives me another smile.

"But I didn't bring a change of clothes."

"That's ok, I think I got something."

She leads me back upstairs and to her room as she turns to a door on the right side of her room that I somehow missed, and opened it, revealing a room as big as mine filled to the ceiling with clothes. I gasp with glee. She smiles at my face before going back out to her room and shouting back to me.

"Put on whatever you want, I don't touch half that stuff anymore."

My grin widens ten times as I dive into the clothing. After a half an hour, and more then a dozen "before we're old Spence"'s, I decided on an outfit. I came out, and she just rolled her eyes at me as she threw my shoes to me and left the room. I examined myself one last time in the mirror. Just denim shorts and a random concert t, but still, I thought I looked good. I quickly rushed down the stairs after Ashley, dashing out the front door and stopping short at the car.

"Whoa..."

"Man you gotta stop with that Spence."

A/N: Again, just meaningless fodder, I can't give you all a great love story in 5 chapters. Sorry I didn't update in an hour or two, I happened to be distracted by a new friend, the gym, homework, and dinner. So, enjoy, read, and whatever else, good night/morning/afternoon to you all.


	6. Remind Me

**Jumper**

A/N: gasp i know i didn't update last night, i'm very sorry. Here's a little bit of an excuse: I was in a guitar fanatical mood last night, i learned like 5 or 6 new songs, and then I talked to a new friend of mine and helped her out with something, and I guess the inspiration just didn't find me like it always does,so I'll try and get 2 maybe 3 chapters up, I'm listening to my "inspirational" music so maybe that should help a bit. --Enjoy--

"Man you gotta stop with that Spence."

Her voice barely even registered as I continued to gawk at her cars. There were three in the driveway, and I'm sure somewhere around here there were more. All the cars put together were probably more then my house, the new one and the old one back in Ohio. She had a Lamborghini, Land Rover, and a Porsche, all sitting in the driveway, just begging to be driven. Her voice snaps me out again.

"So take your pick."

I look back at her, and I see her holding three sets of keys, each of them dangling from her fingers, tantalizingly close to me. I think I might have started drooling.

"Porsche!!"

She laughed at my excited tone before pocketing the other keys and tossing me one set. I stared at them as if they were going to bite me.

"What, you never drive or something?"

I looked up to see she was leaning against the Porsche, her tank-top riding up a little too much for my eyes, and her shorts still very, very short. If I had been drooling before, there was a waterfall coming from my mouth. Her voice snaps me out of my hazy eyed inspection.

"Have you ever driven Spencer?"

I close my eyes to keep from staring again as I struggle to get the picture of her out my head long enough to try and remember if I ever have driven. I have one or two of me in the Tahoe, dangerously close to running over several dogs, cats, and even my grandma before Glen took the keys from me permanently.

"I'm afraid I had too much road rage to learn."

Ashley looks shocked, at which part- the never driving or me actually having road rage- I'm not sure, but she starts cracking up, while still on the hood of the Porsche, and while she has her eyes closed from laughing, I let my eyes take her in, hungrily almost until she finally stops, and it takes all of my willpower to just look at her face and not the rest of her. _God I need a shrink_.

"Your serious?"

She's still looking at me in disbelief, and I find the expression pretty funny on her as she continues to look at me.

"Yeah, I had a couple of 'incidents' if you could call them that, and my license was suspended indefinitely."

She just starts laughing, and I can't help but join in, yes, I realize I'm crazy. She stops again and looks at me, a lopsided grin on her face.

"Ok, let's get goin' Spence, I have something I'd like you to see."

My mind leaps to the endless possibilities, but I manage to control my hyperventilating and shaking enough to hand her back the keys and get into the passenger seat of the car. She turns on the car and guns out of the driveway and out of the neighborhood. We drive in relative silence as we go, the radio on softly as we fly by the traffic and people. Finally, we begin to slow down, and I find us in a deserted parking lot next to a crumbling building, with miles of pavement stretching out in all directions. Ashley cuts the engine and gets out, stretching her arms, making me turn away with burning cheeks as I climb out as well and lean against the side of the car and bask in the sunlight. I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn to see Ashley with a grin on her face. I'm still confused however.

"Ash, where's the food?"

"How can you think of food at a time like this?? We're gonna teach you how to drive!"

I look at her like she's crazy.

"What? You don't _want_ to learn?"

"No... It's just that..."

She only glares at me until I finally give in.

"Ok fine, but if we both die, this is your fault."

"I wouldn't want to die with anyone else, now get in that drivers seat, I wanna see what you got my little speed demon."

I blush again before taking the keys and climbing into the car. Ashley, however does not get in. I roll down the window and glare at her.

"And your not in the car because??"

"Because I don't want to die today. American Idols on tonight, and I want to see if Sanjaya makes it."

I glare at her even harder, only getting a laugh out of her.

"In car now."

She stares back at me, a challenging look on her face as she fails to move.

"Do not make me get out of this car Ms. Davies"

"Ooo, you sound like my German nanny I had one time, I swear to God that woman was Hitler's mother."

"Ashley..."

"But you look cuter when your mad."

I open my mouth and immediately stop my attempt to talk, her words barely registering. Ashley looked mortified that her own mouth had said that, and for a second, I felt wild hope spring up inside me before I quickly crushed it. I open my mouth again, in a desperate attempt to kill the suddenly serious mood and get the sentence out of my head.

"Ash, get in the car."

She didn't say anything witty back this time, just stood there, looking at the door of the Porsche. I finally give up, leaning back into the comfortable seat and staring at the steering wheel. I jump when I hear the sound of a car door opening and closing, and I turn to see Ashley sitting quietly in the seat to my right. I'm worried now, and I lean across and touch her arm gently, only to have her jump violently back, crushing what little hope I'd ever had. We still said nothing. I heard Ashley draw breath to speak, and I found my own breath stuck in my throat.

"Spence, I..."

"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and their like it's better then yours, damn right its better then yours, I can teach you, but I have to charge."

I startled at the noise, quickly realizing it was my own cell phone ring as the line repeated again. I cursed at it in my head while picking it up.

"Hello?"

"Spencer! There you are, your father and I have been worried sick! You missed mass this morning!"

I sighed, Ashley had me so caught up in her world, I'd forgotten about my own.

"Right... Sorry mom, I was hanging out with a friend."

"A friend?? Who?? And why didn't you call me to ask???"

"What is this twenty questions? Can't I see friends?"

"Don't get that tone with me, I want you home right now, your grounded."

"But mom-"

"Now Spencer."

I sighed again, when she used those two words, she wasn't ever kidding. I hated her so much some times, my own hatred scared me. I hung up and turned to Ashley who still looked like she wanted to say something, but swallowed it enough to ask.

"So who was that?"

"My mom. I'm really sorry Ash, but I have to get back home."

She put on a half-hearted smile and nodded.

"It's cool, let's switch seats."

I nodded and climbed out of the car and walked around as Ashley did that same. We drove back in silence, and it wasn't the nice comfortable silence, it was one of those very awkward and uncomfortable silences. I hate those kinds. Finally, we reached my house, and I sadly popped the door open, climbing out as slow as possible, still trying to form words.

"Hey Ash?"

Her head snapped up out of her thoughts and she looked up to me.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks, we're going to have to do it again really soon."

I heard shouting and slamming coming from the house and dreaded walking in.

"Really soon."

She laughed and finally put back on a smile, and I laughed a little too, relieved that the serious moment was passed.

"Anytime, your welcome at my house day or night."

"Same goes to you Ms. Davies, and we'll have to try the driving thing again sometime."

"I'll tame your wild driving habits yet."

I only laugh and walk around the car and up the walk to my door, pausing with my hand on the door knob. I told myself I wouldn't look back, but the intensity of her gaze on my back is too much, and I turn halfway around and give her one last smile as I enter the house and close the door on what is probably the best thing to have ever happened to me.

A/N: Don't panic!! Complications always arise!! Give me another 40 min to get Shakespear done and get a shower and I'll crank out another one.


	7. Starry Eyed Surprise

**Jumper**

A/N: Ok, I remember entertaining this thought before, and a reviewer brought it up yesterday i think, so here is Ashley's PoV!!! Can't forget her of all people, and your all dying to get inside her head, I know I am. I also changed chapter titles, their just random songs that I was listening to as I wrote, all good songs, download them!! Thanks for my reviewers, they still make me very happy. And thanks to you, the reader who's been with me since... Monday, wow a lot of ground covered in just three days. --Enjoy--

Damn. Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, DAMN. We were friends. Yeah, we were friends for all of 24 maybe 30 hours but we were friends. And I screw it all up with my stupid little "cute" comment. I saw her face when I said it. She's freaked out!! She's disgusted!! She's... wait. Why do I care about some girls opinion about me? Why am I having an in-depth conversation with myself about her in my head?? Sweet Jesus what has this girl done to me?!?!? I thought we could just be casual friends, you know, a distraction from the very boring summer coming up, and my emotions complicate everything. Not again. I promised myself no more relationships after hurricane Aiden destroyed what little was left of my emotions, strictly one night stands. Maybe seconds, but that's it. No number exchanging, no going over to each other's houses, no hanging out, no nothing! God I hate it when I complicate things. I'm like a magnet for emotional trauma or something. I'm sure I inherited it from good ol' dad or someone from his side of the family, their all bi-polar or whatever.

"Oh my, starry eyed surprise, sun-down to sun-rise, dance all night, we gonna dance all night, dance all night to this DJ suga dance all night to this DJ uh huh."

My in depth and slightly creepy conversation with myself to hear my phone repeat itself again, asking to be picked up. I sigh and flip it open, not happy being interrupted during my semi freak out.

"Hello??"

"Well geez Ms. Grumpy Pants, if you don't want to talk to me, you can at least say it nicely."

A smile lights up my face and I almost drop the orange juice I'm holding.

"Sorry about that my little Speed Demon, I was in the middle of a long thought train."

We have nicknames for each other, I was at the same time ecstatic and sick to my stomach.

"My Ashley?? Thinking of all things??"

"Yeah, I do it sometimes God."

"No need to get angry about it."

"Sorry, it was an important thought."

"Would you like me to call back later so you can finish it?"

I pause, have a creepy conversation with myself, or have a lighthearted, strange, and random conversation with a girl that was starting to grow on me... hrmmm.

"No, it wasn't anything important anyway. How much trouble did you get in with your parents?"

"Not too much, but my mom the psycho Nazi grounded me for a week."

I dropped my OJ, damn that's not good.

"Did she seriously?? Do I need to come over there and dispense some Ashley justice?"

I hear a laugh and smile at it.

"No, no. But my mom and dad are going to a counseling retreat for the weekend, leaving me alone with my brothers and the house. Care to join me?"

"I'd rather do without the brothers, but I'll take it however I can."

Oh God, that sounded bad. But, I only hear a laugh, and as soon as she starts talking, I can hear the smile in her voice.

"Sleepover all weekend then? We can just hang out or whatever, maybe bug my brothers or something."

"Whatever you want Spence, I'm there."

"Cool. Oh this is gonna be fun."

Suddenly, I hear a harsh female voice on the other end in the background, and I have a feeling its the Nazi woman. I hear Spencer shout "No, its for a school project.", before talking into the phone,

"Yeah, you bring that glue in and we can... glue some stuff." before abruptly hanging up. I stare at the phone, half disbelieving. Me. Spencer. Her house. Alone. All weekend. Thank you floaty spirit thingies that watch over people from way up there. I do my little victory dance before racing upstairs to crank up my guitar.

That was Sunday afternoon, and the week before Spencer's went by agonizingly slow, and I found myself staring at my calendar or clock, shouting at it to move faster, get me to the weekend. By Wednesday, I had torn up my calendar and thrown my clock off my roof. I resort to going back to the park to play guitar, but I get to fidgety to play anything really worth-while, and by Thursday night, I've been lying down on the baseball diamond all day with my guitar, staring up at the sky. Friday finally arrives, and I'm as anxious as Michael Jackson awaiting his sentence. If the week before Friday was slow, the next hours of my life were as slow as slow could get, and I finally resorted to staring at the clock again, I'm not sure she even gave me a time to be there, but I stared anyway. Finally, my phone rang, and I almost dropped it, I opened it so viciously.

"Hello?"

"The parents have left the house, I repeat the parents have left the house."

I didn't even wait to hear the rest, I dropped my phone and was out the door to my Porsche. I was there at record time and vaulted over the drive to the white door. I bang on it as loud as I can and step back, trying to push my emotions back down and stop my shaking. The door is finally answered by some blonde guy who immediately starts hitting on me.

"Hey baby, what can I do for you?"

I roll my eyes and brush past him, stopping in the entryway and searching this way and that for Spencer.

"Watcha lookin' for baby? I'm right here."

I open my mouth to say something but am immediately cut off by another one.

"Glen, stop being an ass for like five seconds please."

"Sorry Spence, but she's hot, no way I'm lettin' you have her."

She pushes him roughly away as she curses at him.

"Don't you have some party to go to and get wasted at?"

"Yeah but..."

"Go. Now."

He looks me over one more time before shrugging and grabbing a jacket from the stand and slamming the door shut, causing Spencer to wince. I guess she doesn't like loud noises.

"I'm so sorry, he's just an..."

"Ass, yeah I figured as much."

She smiled, happy I could forgive her idiot brother. Yeah, I didn't have any siblings, but I'd had enough friends to know that they get pretty damn annoying really fast.

"So, welcome to the house of the Carlins."

She takes me on a grand tour, and I find the house pretty small, but really nice, and every room I travel through has a piece of Spencer in it, that same comforting sort of presence that I love. We finally travel upstairs to a closed door with little stickers all over it and a "NO BOYS" sign on it. I laugh at it before she opens it.

"And this is my room."

I'm almost blinded by the brightness of the room, the sunlight reflecting off of the bright paint and straight into my eyes. As soon as my eyes adjust to the extreme light, I find it to be like any other high school girls room, complete with a matching set of pillows and a bedspread, pictures of "cute" guys, and random notes and drawings taped up here and there. It's pretty small, but every square inch of the room, air, and space scream Spencer, and I find myself comforted by it. If I had to be locked in any room for the rest of my life, it would be this room. Her voice startles me out of my contemplating.

"It's not too big but, I like it."

"I do too, it's nice."

She smiles before plopping down on her bed, letting out a heavy sigh as she lays back and stares at the ceiling. I can feel somethings up. I follow her lead and lie down next to her, putting my hands behind my head and switching glances between the ceiling and Spence. We don't talk for a long time, and after a while, I can definitely tell that somethings wrong.

"Hey Spence?"

She turns to look at me with those eyes, and I'm just so tempted to grab her hand and pull her closer, but I fight the urge and keep my look level with hers. She fidgets under my gaze, and I know I'm getting to her. She finally breaks the silence.

"Whats up?"

"What's wrong?"

She falls silent again, her eyes still on me, and I can see her eyes sort of glaze over, almost as if to say, "I'm not telling you anything." That look troubles me, so I speak again.

"You can tell me anything you know that right?"

"Yeah but..."

"But?"

"I don't know, I just really don't want to think about it right now. It's confusing and messy, and complicated, and all this other stuff."

"Tell me about it."

"It like clutters up my brain and won't leave me alone, and I can't seem to sort it out."

"Maybe you can't sort it out by yourself, maybe you need someone's help."

She immediately closed her mouth as soon as I said that, knowing where this conversation was going.

"Maybe. I don't know."

Suddenly, an idea pops into my head, and I sit up and grab Spencer's hand, pulling her off the bed to face me.

"What?"

"I have an idea, come on, I want to take you somewhere."

"But I'm..."

"Then why did you have me over?"

She stops again and frowns. God, she's so cute, regardless of her facial expression.

"Ok, fine."

I grin and pull her quickly down the stairs and push her out the door and into my car as I gun out of the driveway and out of the neighborhood. Damn, why didn't I think about this before.?

A/N: More fodder!! I find fodder is pretty fun to write. Anyway, I'm beat, and I have to get at least 5 to 6 hours minimal for high school, lest I fall asleep and get caught again. So, goodnight/morning/afternoon to you all, read, review, enjoy, and whatever else it is that you crazy kids do.


	8. Ohio is for Lovers

**Jumper**

A/N: Ok, sorry for the one day delay, it's never intentional, but inspiration didn't quite slap me in the face this time. This chapter is dedicated to soncrazy04, who correctly guessed this chapter, pretty sad that I can't seem to break the mold, but hey, it is an integral part of any decent Spashley story, and I'd like to think mine is at least decent. So, a big thanks to my 45 reviewers, I love you all, and a large thanks to you, the reader for sticking around for so long, I promise you some good Spashely fluff this weekend. --Enjoy--

As much as I was dying to tell Ash what was on my mind, I didn't want to freak her out. The last thing I wanted was to drive her away. So, I let her bother me with questions until she unexpectedly pulled me off the bed, standing face to face, toe to toe with me, and I felt my head swim as the slight tinge of her perfume infiltrated my systems again.

"What?"

"I have an idea come on, I want to take you somewhere."

My entire being is screaming for me to trust her and let her whisk me off to wherever she pleases, but the little rational sliver left in my body somehow took control of my mouth before I could stop it.

"But I'm..."

"Then why did you have me over?"

Because I seem to be developing feelings for the first time ever for another girl.

"Ok fine."

Before I even have time to say anything else, I feel her hand close around mine as she pulls me down the stairs, out the door, and into her car at a new world record speed. I'm slightly worried that this road trip will turn out the same way again, and I don't think I can stand having my hopes crushed again.

"Where are we going Ash?"

She doesn't say anything for a while, just stares intently at the road before as we zoom by the multiple other cars and people. The sun has begun to set, and everything around us is bathed in a golden light, almost like the world was covered in honey. We drive far past what I'm used to, and as we finally hit the open road running along the coast, Ashley speaks.

"There's something wrong Spence, you can't tell me there isn't."

I don't say anything, knowing where this conversation was going. I couldn't possibly begin to tell her about all the thoughts and feelings stored up inside of me right now. It was a horrible feeling to keep these intense things inside of you, but it was the only way I knew how to handle them, and Ashley couldn't change that, no matter how hard she tried to get in. Her voice rings through my head, which feels suddenly empty and hollow.

"But, it seems like your not sure about whatever the problem is. So, I'm taking you to my famous thinking spot. I've gotten through some hard times there, it should do the same with you."

I envision the thinking spot being an old, crumbling building, or something potentially dangerous, but, I'm shocked when we pull off to a small section of road separate from the main road, with a little path going down to the shore. As Ash briefly opens her door to get out, the cool ocean wind blows into the car, bringing with it the sharp smell of salt, and the cry of sea gulls and the crashing of waves. I decide I like this thinking spot a lot better then any park. My door suddenly opens, and a hand extends inside.

"C'mon slowpoke, the sunset's not gonna wait all day for you."

I let myself smile before grasping her hand, happy to find it just as warm and safe as it was last night. Ashley gently leads me by the hand down the small path of sand and onto the beach. She turns to kick off her flip flops before walking further ahead, intent on getting to ocean it appeared. I did the same and found her sitting on the sand, her feet several inches from the dancing water. I sit gingerly next to her, and we sat in silence for what seems like hours, both of us watching the sunset and the ocean before us. Just as the last sliver of the sun slips down beneath the horizon, I feel Ashley turn to face me.

"Any better?"

I only smile at her before involuntarily shivering as the ocean air swoops down on us. She notices and gives me a quick smile.

"Cold?"

I shake my head, trying to warm myself with some sort of movement, but only begin to shiver harder as the wind increases. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Ash pull off her sweatshirt and hand it to me. I look at it blankly.

"What about you?"

She laughs at me before lying down on her back, staring up at the sky as the stars begin to shine through the smog above.

"I've been in colder places, knock yourself out."

We fall silent again as I examine the sweatshirt in my hands. It's grey and tattered with some obscure logo on it's front and back. Even in my arms I can feel the warmth from her body radiate off of it, and before I can do anything else, it's over my head. As my head poked through the hood, I was surrounded by warmth and safety. As I burrowed further into it's heat, I smelt traces of her perfume, Lilacs and Vanilla, and I felt my head swim momentarily, a grin spreading across my face.

"Better?"

I turn to see her staring at me, her eyes shining as the moon begins its slow ascent to the top of the sky. I can only smile and repeat that thought again, I was sitting with an angel.

"Much, thank you."

"Anytime."

Most people don't mean it when they say "anytime", but I knew with Ashley she meant it. She always did. I decided to take a risk and lie down next to her, inching discreetly closer to her, trying to get a piece of her warmth.

"Still cold?" 

I froze. Damn, I really need to work on my discreetly inching over technique. Suddenly, time halted as I felt a thin arm slip around my waist and pull me a little closer before resting itself in the pocket on the sweatshirt, only separated from my skin by a few inches of clothing.

"That ok?"

"Yeah."

We both fell silent again, and I found myself,-even being so impossibly close to Ashley- wanting to move further to her. My brain was fighting off my bodies attempts to move, but I finally decided to turn off the rational part of my brain and start acting on my impulses. I turned myself onto my side and lay my arm across Ash's stomach as her arm came to curl protectively around my waist. I sighed as I burrowed my face into her shoulder, feeling her arm tighten slightly around me. She was so incredibly warm, I couldn't believe it. Here it was probably 60 degrees out, and here's this girl, who's probably emitting 90 degrees of heat onto me. The thought only makes me burrow further into the crook of her arm and tighten my grip around her stomach.

"Any better Spence?"

"So much better."

"Good."

I feel her shake slightly as she laughs before she stops, resuming her steady and calm breaths, lifting my arm up and down, and lulling me into a trance like state as I briefly hear her heartbeat. I smiled.

"I can hear your heartbeat all the way from your arm."

"Yeah? Is that a good thing?"

"It's strong, I think you'll live a long time."

"Good, that means we can live long together."

I smile and close my eyes, trying to capture this moment in my brain, try to burn it into my memory to save for a rainy day when I don't have someone safe and warm to keep me from getting cold. That thought in itself, not having someone warm and safe, was scary. No, it was not having Ash around to keep me warm and safe that scared me. I felt myself begin to nod in and out of the waking world, and I quickly fell into darkness, surrounded by warmth and soft skin. I'm not sure how long I slept, but I was awoken by a gentle shaking from someone's hand... I yawned widely, quickly shutting my eyes from the sunlight that was almost blinding. I finally managed to open my eyes, now adjusting to the light as I looked around me. Sand, waves, and someones arms wrapped around me... I jump slightly, causing the arms to remove themselves, much to my disappointment, removing the warmth they offered. Suddenly, I remembered where I was, and who I was with, and my face instantly lit up with a smile.

"G'moring sleepy head."

I look over to see Ashley stretching on the sand before slowly standing up, cracking her knuckles and looking out to the ocean. The sun is just barely working its way up, and as I look at her, she's bathed in a warm light, and I almost think I'm looking at some goddess. She suddenly looks down at me, a smile playing across her face as she reaches her hand down, stifling a yawn. She pulls me up, and together we walk towards our discarded sandals and her car, still trying to wake up. As we pile into her car, she looks to me with another smile.

"Get everything figured out yet?"

The smile completely disarms me, and for a second, I can almost say yes, but the emotions flood back in before I can say it. Instead all I can muster is a half-hearted

"Yeah, kinda."

"Well, that's better then not at all I guess. Ready to head back home?"

I smile sleepily.

"Yeah, I'm still pretty tired."

She yawns this time and puts the car into gear.

"Ok, off we go."

The ride home is comfortable and the silence falls around us like lazy sleep, and before I know it, we're stumbling up the stairs and collapsing on the bed, heaped on top of each other, each one barely able to breath out a good night before we both fall off into sleep.

A/N: Man, that took like an hour and a half to write, God knows why. Anyway, that's my first really sweet and lighthearted chapter I've ever written, now I feel all fuzzy inside. Makes me wish I had someone to cuddle with. Depending on how much longer I can go without sleep, I think I can write another chapter, see you guys soon. -yawns-


	9. The Secret's in the Telling

**Jumper**

A/N: Sorry guys, inspiration hasn't been as straight-forward as it usually is, but I've read some good fics, so I think I'll be putting out 2 to 3 chapters today, two at the very least. And thanks to the 55 reviews (holy crap), and the like 7,000 something hits I've gotten. And of course, to you, the loyal reader. --Enjoy-- (and one more note, from now on, each chapter will be switching PoV's. So last chapter was Spencer, now this one'll be Ashley, and so on and so forth.)

Wow, where to even begin with last night... I took Spence there on an impulse, a crazy one pretty much, going out on a limb, desperate to hear whatever it was that was bugging her. The whole troubled and lost and confused look didn't suit her very well, but I have to admit, it made her look cute as hell. So as far as I'm concerned, I think I might have been able to help a little bit with whatever was eating up Spence, and sooner or later, she'd figure it out and tell me. At least I hoped about that last part. So, it had been one of those "Holy-Crap-I-Can't-Believe-This-Is-Happening-To-Me-Nights", and from the sweatshirt episode to the entire cuddle thing, it was just kind of a warm blur that I'm happy to say is now permanently burned into my memory for the rest of my life.

We had practically collapsed onto each other as soon as we got onto the bed, and I awoke to find myself in a similar situation as I was two nights ago, but it wasn't quite as cleverly planned as what happened at my house. We were in a similar position to that of last night, Spencer's face dangerously close to mine, and as I struggled to shake away the grogginess, I felt the light tickle of her breath on my ear, and I realized that if I turned not even 2 or 3 inches, my lips would be perfectly over hers. I tried to shake the thought and relax, realizing my body had involuntarily stiffened when I saw how close we were. Because of the comprising position that I found my head to be in, I couldn't really look anywhere but at the ceiling and part of Spence's face out of the corner of my eye.

I smiled when I saw she still had my sweatshirt on, and I wildly hoped that some of the tantalizing smell that was Spencer would cling onto the sweatshirt. Speaking of which, I became aware of the light smell of strawberries begin to sneak into my brain, and I grinned at it again. Suddenly I heard a voice, making me jump and turn my head to the side, bringing my lips down onto hers for not even a second before we both bolted back so fast, I was on my back on her floor and Spence was sitting on the bed, her eyes wide and her pupils tiny pinpoints in the sea of blue. We didn't say anything, and I was vaguely aware of the sweet taste of strawberries now on my lips and in my mouth. I didn't think I'd ever love strawberries as much as I did at that moment. I heard the clearing of a throat above me and saw Spencer with a troubled look on her face, and dangling her legs over the edge of the bed. I put away my thoughts of building a shrine to honor the sweet sweet taste of strawberries and stood up, locking stares with her.

"Everything ok Spence?"

She didn't say anything for a long time, and I regretted the little lip action that had happened moments before. That's probably what's bugging her, even though the thought of her being uncomfortable with it made me slightly sad.

"Sorry about the whole... lip thing."

She suddenly snapped her head up, and I jumped back a little startled at the sudden movement. My shock went away when I saw her eyes had glazed over and had a distant look in her eyes. Oh no...

"Spencer...?"

She didn't say anything, and I was afraid she might have gone mute. I sat down next to her on the bed, draping my left arm over her shoulders, giving her upper arm a reassuring squeeze.

"What's wrong?"

She licked her lips and became very interested in a dust bunny that was on her floor. I saw her open her mouth several times, but each time, no sound came out, and I began to miss her voice.

"I think..."

My attention was converged on Spencer, my right hand clenching and un-clenching, leaving slight marks on my palm. I gave her shoulder another squeeze, and she turned to look up at me, her eyes suddenly so sad and confused, and I felt my heart break at the sight. I swear to God, that girl had been an adorable little puppy or bunny in a past life.

"C'mon Spence, I'm here for you."

She swallowed again before blurting it out.

"IthinkIlikegirls."

My eye-brows shot up, and I knew I was giving her a funny look. But she seemed to relax as soon as the string of garbled english came out of her mouth, and I felt her tense muscles soften as she leaned into me, putting her head on my shoulder, mine coming down onto her hers. She sighed. I found my thumb stroking her arm, moving up and down as my other hand found one of Spence's and closed around it. I felt her other hand on top of mine, and before I knew it, we were entangled in each other again.

"Feel better now?"

I could feel her smile into my shoulder.

"A lot, yeah."

We fell into a silence, only broken by the soft breaths that Spencer was taking, trying to slow her breathing down, still traumatized by telling me. She suddenly broke the silence.

"You don't care?"

"About what?"

"About what I just said."

"Oh, the quasi-english that you said?"

"Not funny Ash, I'm serious."

"Well, from the almost sentence that you spit out at me, I think I derived from it 'I think I like girls'. Am I right?"

I felt her body stiffen up again and her head try to leave my shoulder. I took my arm from around her shoulder and pressed it onto her head, gently putting it back down and leaving it to rest on her neck, my thumb still doing the robotic motion of stroking her warm skin.

"Just relax Spence, you don't need to draw back into yourself just because I asked a question."

"Sorry."

Her voice was nothing but a whisper, and it was tinged with expectant fear. The fear of being rejected, and it broke my heart. This moment had happened to me so many times, I'd lost count after ten or so friends threw me out. I couldn't let that happen to her, not to my Spencer.

"I don't care what you are, your my friend, and something like that well, it doesn't matter to me."

"You really don't care?"

"Why would I? I'm gay myself."

I felt her bolt up and look at me, shocked. Apparently it was only ok if she was the one coming out. Though how she could have missed all the bright neon signs that pointed to me and said "super dyke", I'm not really too sure.

"It's that big of a shocker?"

She didn't say anything, but looked at me for another minute or two before sitting back down, picking at a loose thread dangling from my sweatshirt.

"We need to work on your gaydar Spence, seriously."

I finally saw her smile, and I knew we'd be ok again, give or take a few things, but we'd be good.

"So we're good?"

I looked up to her, and still saw that little sliver of fear in her eyes, terrified that I'd reject her, or sing it out to everyone in the street below.

"Course we are."

She smiled up at me again, and I felt her worry begin to fall away until she finally looked like good ol' Spencer again. Suddenly, she flung herself on me, in a huge bear hug that almost cut off the oxygen supply to my brain, and I struggled to remain conscious, the combined closeness of her and the now over-powering smell of strawberrries making the room swim before my eyes. She pulled back and looked at me.

"Thank you so much Ash."

I smirked at her, poking her several times in the stomach, making her do that adorable little squeaking noise, a smile still on her face.

"Anytime Spence, I'm always here."

Her smile became even wider, before blushing and turning away, pulling back the blinds to let the sunlight stream in. She turned back to me.

"I'm gonna go take a shower, I'll be back, make yourself at home."

The word shower made my mind wander off to all sorts of indecent things that have happened in a shower involving me and other people, but I quickly brushed them off, smiling at her as she left the room, still wearing my sweatshirt, and her pair of jean shorts. I smiled, those shorts were mine too. I heard the shower fire up, sending my mind off on a very dirty shower scene as I lay back down, sleep taking me over again.

A/N: Ok, so, I need to start on some homework and take a shower myself, so give me another hour maybe give or take a half an hour and I'll get another one up. Cheers


	10. Love is Gonna Save Us

**Jumper**

A/N: Ack, I know I've been breaking all these promises, but things always seem to pop up right when I get into the mindset. So, I'll just stick to the chapter a night schedule, and if I happen to post 2 chapters in one night, I guess I'm just having a good day. So thank you to my 63 reviews (wow), and you, the reader whos stuck around for a week and a day, Jumper now progresses into double digit chapters which means one thing... more drama. :D –Enjoy--

I still can't believe it. I have no idea how that sentence managed to unlodge from my throat, find its way out of my mouth and into the air. And those slow seconds that fell off the clock when she didn't say a word, I won't ever forget that. It was the single most terrifying thing that's ever happened to me. But, she didn't care, and what's even better, she's gay. I couldn't even believe it. Suddenly, I yelped as the shower water turned cold, and quickly turned it off, grabbing a towel to dry off with. My mind was still running around in circles. Now what? I'd done half the work, now, I just needed to take that next step. But, I'm not sure I can do it. Not until I know. Maybe this isn't what I really think it is. Maybe, it is just a phase. I'm not too sure, it's scary to think about. But, I find the thought of being without Ashley, as a friend or more then a friend, even scarier. I quickly pull back on the jean shorts and sweatshirt I had discarded on the floor, but was stopped when I realized both were Ashley's. Almost as if on cue, the smell that had burned itself onto my brain came creeping back, the slight smell of Vanilla mixed with Lilacs was enough to stop all coherent thought, and having that sweatshirt was the next best thing to being with Ash. That in itself made me smile.

I came back out, finding Ashley asleep on my bed, her hands behind her head as she lay on her back, her stomach rising and falling almost hypnotically. I couldn't help myself, and I let my eyes steer themselves for the next several minutes, roving up and down her body, taking in every square inch, every curve, every shape, everything about her, my eyes devoured her until I finally managed to tear them off of her. I turned my attention to the window, and gazed outside for several minutes, softly smiling at how bright my world had gotten since I'd met Ash. I finally sighed and put back my towel, sitting on my chair across from Ashley as I leaned back, staring at my ceiling, but only seeing her face. Before I knew it, I'd dozed off in my chair, and found myself waking up on the floor somehow, and my vision was filled by a pair of legs. My eyes probably dilated to nothing but dots in my eyes, and it took all of my will power not to let my eyes continue their wayward journey up. I heard a laugh from up above.

"That looks real comfortable Spence."

"Well, I didn't want to bug you, excuse me for being nice."

"Nah, it suits you too well."

I grinned before pushing myself off the ground and standing face to face with her.

"So..."

I smiled as she fidgeted under my stare, for once I actually managed to keep my gaze level with hers without going into extreme euphoria.

"Hungry?"

She jumped at my voice, and I just smiled and shook my head, walking towards my door and out to the hallway when I realized I wasn't being followed. I backtracked to my room and found Ashley still standing there, concentrating on my floor. I snapped at her several times before grabbing her by the shoulders, definitely snapping her out of her thoughts, as she locked stares with mine again.

"You ok Ash?"

She half smiled, though her eyes betrayed her. They showed she was confused, and maybe even lost. Something like me.

"Yeah, sorry Spence, I just kinda spaced out y'know."

I laughed as she put back on a smile.

"Yeah I do, now come on, lets go get something to eat before we both pass out again."

She laughed and followed me down to the kitchen, and waited expectantly as I shuffled around the kitchen, looking for something even remotely edible in the house.

"So, its either Lucky Charms or Eggo."

She looked at me like I was crazy.

"Wait no, scratch the Eggo's, there's only one, I'm entitled to it."

She continued to stare at me, but by now the crazy look had faded, and all she was doing was staring that same un-nerving gaze that saw through me every time she turned it to me. I had to snap to get her out of her daze. Her eyes snapped back to reality and she smiled at me, the crazy look coming back.

"That's all you have in this house?"

"Yeah, Glen eats like a pig and dad's the only one of the entire family who can cook without risky side-effects."

She laughed again, shaking her head before pulling her keys out of her pocket.

"Guess it's time to introduce you to Mr. Drive-Thru."

I laughed as she grabbed my hand dragged me out to her Porsche again, which I will admit, I had become quite attached to in the course of the month or so. She put it in reverse and shot out of our driveway and into the street, taking me wherever she wanted to. She decided on Starbucks drive through, getting some fancy coffee thing and a scone while I stuck to my Carmel Macchiato and muffin. We drove around while eating, starting random little conversations until we were done. Instead of turning home though, she took off in the opposite direction. I was confused again.

"Hey Ash?"

"Yeah?"

"Where are we going?"

"We're gonna teach you how to drive today!"

I laughed at her expression, but paused when I saw she was serious.

"Did you miss the part where I said I had road rage?"

"Which is why the empty parking lot is perfect, the only thing you have to worry about hitting is the air. I'm sure you'll manage."

"I was more worried about the car, I wouldn't be able to pay you back if I totaled it."

She just smiled at me, keeping her eyes on the road.

"Don't worry, this car was only like sixty grand, but you being able to drive yourself around, that, my friend is priceless."

I laughed at her again as we zoomed past the countless buildings and people until I found us on the same deserted stretch of pavement. Ashley climbed out, leaving the keys in ignition, and walking around the side of the car before opening the door.

"C'mon little speed demon, let's see what you got."

I sighed before climbing out and walking to the drivers side, closing the door as Ashley slammed hers closed.

"Ok, but I warned you, be sure to tell your lawyer that."

"Yeah yeah."

I began to go through the motions, checking the mirrors and seatbelts, gas tank, pedals, and finally putting it into gear. Suddenly, Ashley shouted:

"WAIT!"

I stopped, before we'd even started. I gave her a fearful look.

"What'd I do?"

"Nothing, I just thought we could use the proper music for this occasion."

She searched through a CD book she pulled from thin air, turning page after page before she seemingly settled on one. She pulled two CD's out and faced me.

"Ok, so I'm torn between insanely loud techno, or insanely loud rap."

I faked thought for a second.

"I don't like rap."

Her face lit up as she threw one CD into the back seat and pushed the other one into the CD player. Soon, the little car was shaking with loud bass lines, and I could hear my teeth chatter to the beat.

"Ok, now go ahead and get your speed on."

I let out a deep breath before putting it into gear, and abruptly slamming onto the gas pedal. Pretty soon, I heard Ash's yells over the bass to "stop the damn car before we fly off a freaking cliff". I skidded to a stop, knuckles gripping the steering wheel as she turned down the music and turned to face me.

"Who the hell taught you to drive??"

"Glen..."

"What is he, Evel Kineval??"

"No, that would be me."

She glared at me, my humor not appreciated.

"My point, was who the hell told you to slam on the gas everytime?"

"Nobody, I got it from playing Need for Speed with Glen and Clay."

She let out a low curse before turning to me, determination blazing in her eyes.

"Ok, we're gonna try this again, and this time, I want you to keep the speed under 25 miles an hour. Can you handle that?"

I gave her a meek smile before putting the car into gear again, barely touching the pedal with my foot, going rather slow, and the urge to go faster becoming very hard to control. Ashley anticipated this and quickly slapped me on the back of the head, snapping me from my need for speed mindset. She grabbed the side of my face and turned it to face her. My face was suddenly on fire, and my knuckles were beginning to turn white from gripping the steering wheel. She leaned her face in dangerously close until I felt her breath on my face, and it took every fiber of my being to keep my head at the distance it was. Her voice brought me back to the real world as her eyes bored into mine, probably reading my soul.

"Ok, Spencer, I want you to look at me."

I had been for the last several minutes, which could have also been part of my problem.

"Listen to me."

I had been for God knows how long.

"You. Drive. Slow. No. Fast."

She broke it down by syllables, emphasizing each word. She slowly pulled back and settled into her seat, her eyes still locked onto me.

"If we can break you of the whole badass fast driving thing, we should be good."

I nodded slowly, not really comprehending anything she was telling me, turning my head back to the road, trying to get the feeling of her breath against my face and the closeness of her lips out of my brain. I again put the car in gear, and gently pressed the pedal. I had been under 25 for the last several minutes before the urge to go really fast came back on me. Ashley again saw it, and quickly slapped me on the head, snapping me out of it and keeping me under the speed limit effectively for the next half an hour or so. By the time we were done, I hadn't gone over 30 miles an hour, and had a whole lot of bruises all over my head and arms.

"Was the slapping really necessary?"

She shrugged, still looking at the road, lost in thought.

"Negative reinforcement, my therapists did it to me all the time. Worked for me, figured the same thing for you and your 'habit'".

I stopped driving, now looking at her curiously.

"What was your 'bad habit'?"

"Who said it had to be a bad habit?"

I opened my mouth to say something when her phone went off, as she quickly opened.

I only heard snatches of things, mostly "hey baby's" and "sweet." and "Aidey". Most of it made me sick to my stomach, and the feeling only increased as she hung up the phone, a smirk on her face.

A/N: Updates tomorrow!!! Good night/morning/afternoon/in between. Peace all.


	11. Sweetness

**Jumper**

A/N: Wow, I'm mildly surprised at the anti-Aiden fanbase here, thought it would've been like an even split between Spencer and Ash and Ash and Aiden. Who knows lol, but I will tell you all this; This is NOT I repeat NOT an Aiden Ashley fic. Sorry to all the Ash/Aid fans, yeah they make a cute couple, but Spence and Ash are just like a bazillion times cuter, and that's scientific fact talking here. So, thank you to my 75 reviewers, and all my readers, I love you guys, your like my adoptive family now lol. --Enjoy--

Ok, so I'll admit, I didn't really _have_ to pick up the phone. I could've hit 'ignore' if I really wanted to when I saw "Aiden" appear on the screen, but some hidden thing inside of me made me flip it open and talk unreasonably loud. I hate when I do that. It's like I purposefully try to make people jealous by talking twice as loud, or laughing at something not even remotely funny, but I did it anyway, in those vain hopes that somebody would notice. This time, it was different. It was Spencer. I knew she was interested, but this strange sort of mood seized me where all I wanted to do was make her as jealous as possible, force her to move, to act. Anyway, the conversation contained the usual witty banter that me and Aiden exchanged. He'd been at a basketball camp for the last two weeks up in Canada and had just gotten back last night. And of course, being the L.A native he was, he was celebrating his return with an unnecessary, too big, too loud party. He'd found an old warehouse a friend of his rented out to him for the entire night and had somehow invited over 500 people since this morning, with many more people coming, un-invited. I was always in the mood for a good party, especially when there was such a big stage for me to work with. And Spencer being there just cemented the idea into my head, I'd show her her first real party in L.A, Davies style.

I'd just hung up when I caught Spence staring at the steering wheel, a defeated look on her face. I mentally kicked myself in the gut then hit myself in the head with a shovel. I tossed out too many "babies" and "Aides" and "hottie" and other things that I hardly even meant. Me and Aiden had dated Sophmore to the end of Junior year before we broke it off. I found myself suddenly attracted to the same sex, and Aiden suddenly found himself attracted to Cheer Slut Barbie Girl Madison. I hated her guts, and it was a sure thing for her to show up, increase the tension, maybe throw out one word too many and have my fists in her face. Depends on how much booze's Aid's got tonight. Anyway, I snapped myself from my thoughts gently shook Spencer's shoulder, snapping her out of her daze too, and she quickly put the hurt expression away and faked a smile. I hate when she does that.

"Boyfriend?"

I cracked up, I loved when people made that assumption. They'd hear me talking on the phone and automatically guess it was a guy. 9 out of 10 times they were always wrong, but my vocabulary didn't change when the gender did, so people stuck to one definite sex to guess to. Aiden was usually thought as a girl.

"Aiden and me? No way, tried that already."

Her smile suddenly became genuine and I smirked to myself, she had been freaking out because of her assumption. Ooo I'm gonna have some fun tonight.

"So what was that all about then?"

"He just got back into town and he's throwing a rave/party thing to welcome himself back."

Spencer tried to process the idea before I burst out laughing again.

"He's got ego problems you could say."

She laughed too, the tension beginning to fade again.

"So, you going?"

"Yup, so are you."

She looked shocked, almost like she never went to parties back in Ohio. I couldn't even find the notion feasible, but from her face, I assumed so.

"We're gonna party Davies style."

"Should I be afraid?"

"Terrified."

I punctuated the word with a maniacal laugh, complete with evil hand-rubbing and everything.

"Ok, Speed Racer, let's switch seats and get home."

She unbuckled her seat belt and climbed out as I did the same, and as we walked around the hood, I purposefully brushed my hand against hers, and I could feel her practically jump out of her skin. I don't mean to be mean, its just way too much fun to mess with innocent girls like Spence. They're dime a dozen, and I'm usually the one "introducing" them to the world. So, we drove back to her house, starting conversations about this and that, but I could feel her itching to talk about me and Aiden, what we had been up to and why on earth we were still talking to each other after the break up. Apparently, Ex's aren't supposed to be your friends, no matter how harmless the friendship is. Some angry bitch wrote it a long time ago after a nasty break up probably.

We got home way too early, and I found my cell phone clock only telling me it was 10:30. The party wouldn't start for at least another ten or eleven hours, and I had no idea what we'd do till then. Spencer seemed to be thinking the same thing as we lounged on the couch, Spence trying to inch closer every now and then, and trying to make it as slow and un-noticeable as possible. She sucked at it to say the least.

"So, watcha want to do Spence, we got lots of time to kill."

She looked up to me, her light blue eyes almost swallowing me whole. I loved that color. I'd met a lot of people, and I'll have to admit, I'm a sucker for a good set of eyes, but Spence's. Man, I don't even know where to begin with hers. It held so much, but it hid so much more. There were thousands of things, small and large, all hidden from the outside world, and if you looked at her long enough and hard enough, you could watch all of those things build up inside of her, eating her alive. It was horrible to watch, someone as gentle and beautiful as Spencer being torn apart by all those things. Suddenly, an idea sprang out at me. I grabbed her hand again (I could've just motioned for her to follow me, but I liked her hands way too damn much to be normal.) and dragged her back to the car again. She followed me wordlessly, and even with my back turned, I could feel her eyes trying to see into my head. Thank God she couldn't, I give her a heart-attack with all the things I have stored up there. We clicked in our seat belts again and I shot out of her neighborhood and down the street, slowly working my way to the highway as we sat in silence. In my mind I was running over the multiple maps I'd studied when I was younger and in my "runaway" phase. I'd traversed almost all of California during that period, but there was one place in particular that I loved more then anything else.

"Hey, you mind if we're a little late for the party? This place is kinda out of the way. Besides, nothing good happens till _after_ dark."

I lifted my eyebrows at the word after and made Spence blush wildly before turning away, and staring out the window.

"Yeah, it's fine."

"Good, hey, grab that CD case, I need some good driving music."

"What would that be? The Jaws theme song?"

"No, that's you. Mine's the Star Wars theme."

She rolled her eyes at me as she picked up the enormous book and began leafing through the pages, silently mouthing the titles to herself. I switched hurried glances between her face and the road, finding my attention pretty much split as I debated whether I should completely disregard our safety and stare at the amazing girl beside me, or actually drive like a normal person for once. I was forced to focus my attention on the road when a semi cut me off, almost sending us into our impending doom with the help of a lane divider. Finally, she seemed to decide on one and put it into my CD player, the music soon filling the little car and reverberating off of the all the little spaces. I smiled, she had some good taste in music.

_If your listening _

_Sing it back_

_String from your tether unwinds._

_Up and outward to bind._

_I was spinning free, with a little sweet and simple numbing me._

We began to sing along, Spencer dancing around in her seat as I laughed, still trying to concentrate on the road. We began to sing in perfect unison with the CD (though a little out of tune) as we sped past hundreds of other cars.

_Are you listening?_

_Sing it back_

_So tell me what do I need when the words lose their meaning._

_I was spinning free with a little sweet and simple numbing me._

_Yeah, stumble till you crawl._

_Sinking into sweet uncertainty._

She threw her hands up into the air and danced as much as the seatbelt would allow, a huge smile on her face. I could've sworn that I was speeding with an angel.

_If your listening._

_Are you listening?_

_Sing it back._

_I'm still running away._

_I won't play your hide and seek game._

We both screamed the last chorus with the windows rolled down, disgruntling many a driver and passenger alike as we continued to sing until we felt we would pass out from oxygen deprivation.

_I was spinning free with a little sweet and simple numbing me._

_What a dizzy dance._

_The sweetness will not be concerned with me._

_No the sweetness will not be concerned with me._

_No the sweetness will not be concerned with me._

We burst out into a fit of giggles as the traffic began to thin out. I had been guessing on the various turns and exits, but as the sun began to slowly lower, and dark clouds had begun their invasion, some of the exits and turnoffs became vaguely familiar, but we still had a long way to go.

"So where exactly are we going?"

"You'll see, it'll be a while though, crank up that stereo."

She did so more then willingly, and we spent our time talking, laughing, singing, thinking, and I found myself so intoxicated by her, it's a miracle we survived my driving. Suddenly, as we began to close in on my destination, Spencer suddenly shut up, drawing into herself. That worried me. I reached over to put my hand on her knee to make sure she was alright, but found she had pulled her knees up to her chest and had her head burrowed into the small gap between her body and her knees. I killed the music and put my hand on her back, slowly tracing patterns over her shirt, trying to make her look up. It was a long time before she finally did look up, and my arm had lost feeling altogether long ago. She looked over to me as she rested the side of her face on her knees, my hand still wandering over her back.

"Everything ok Spence?"

"I was just thinking."

"Looked like some serious thinking, what's up?"

She almost pulled back into herself, but I saw it coming, placing my hand on cheek, startling her out of whatever thoughts she might have started to think of.

"C'mon Spence."

"I don't really want to talk about it."

"It helps to get it out then store it up. Trust me, I know these things."

I tried to lighten the mood, but her expression killed the effort. By now, I had pulled off onto a shoulder on the road and put it into parking, we'd arrived, but Spencer was occupying all the space in my mind right now.

"C'mon Spence."

"Can I get a hug?"

Her questioned startled me, I was used to people asking me for everything from a shot of Tequila to a place to crash, but I don't ever recall anyone asking me for a hug. Not being serious anyway. I quickly clambered out of the car and jogged around, almost ripping off the door as Spence turned to look at me, pivoted in her seat, and looking at me with those damnable eyes. They could compel me to do anything, those eyes could. They froze me for a second and deterred me from my goal as I stood there, mesmerized by those eyes. There was something wrong, the eyes said it all. She was climbing out as I launched myself onto her in an awkward hug, her halfway in and out of the car, and me almost choking her to death. She managed to have me loosen my grip to allow her to backup before I felt her arms snake around my waist as she put her head on my shoulder. I was in a tanktop, and I was startled as I felt water on it. Then, it registered. My grip tightened to the extent of breaking steel into little pieces, and all Spencer could do was stand there, wrapped up in me. She was so warm, and all I could smell, all I could taste was that tantalizing smell that was strawberries. We stood there, rooted to the ground for God knows how long. My mind was at once working at a million miles an hour, but going slower then time could measure, and days could have fallen off the calendar before I even began to entertain the idea of letting her go. I found my hands running all over her body, stopping now and then rub up and down, trying to calm her down as she continued to quietly shake in my hands. If it wasn't for the liquid on my shoulder, I don't know if I'd even have been able to tell if she was crying.

A light wind blew down, and I felt her burrow further into me, her shaking getting harder as the combined power of the cold and her tears descended on her. I was powerless. The only thing I knew to do was to hang on, give her a hug, just like she wanted to. Eventually, my hands settled on a place to rest, my right on the small of her back, my thumb going up and down as my left found itself tangled in her beautiful blonde hair, gently resting on her neck. I had been rocking her for several minutes, and I was still amazed she was motionless for so long. I suddenly heard a sniff as she lifted her head off of my shoulder and looked at me. Her hair was a mess now, she was sniffling every couple seconds, and her eyes were bloodshot and red from the previous tears and those that had yet to be spilled. And yet, I found her to be one of the most beautiful things I'd ever seen. She mustered a small smile, and for once, she meant it.

"Better?"

"Yeah."

We stood in silence as my hands still traced silent trails up and down her body.

"Your right you know."

I looked over to her, her chin resting on my shoulder as she turned to regard the coast on our left.

"About?"

"Keeping everything inside. I felt like I was gonna explode."

"Told ya, I know everything my dear."

She laughed as she pulled out of my grasp, now leaning against the car and looking straight up at the cloudy sky.

"So what was it you wanted me to see anyway?"

I grinned at her and jerked my head to my right, motioning with a hand. She looked towards the direction, but her face remained blank.

"A road Ash? Your losing your touch."

"Not just a road my dear Spence, it's... Ok, fine it's a road. But do you notice anything different about it?"

"There's no stop signs?"

"Yes, and no people, no cars, no cops, no _nothing_"

Then it dawned on her, and she smiled that brilliant smile of hers.

"Can I Ash? Can I pretty please?"

"Why on earth do you think I blew over a hundred bucks filling up the tank on the way over here?"

She grinned and bolted to the drivers seat and positioned herself in the seat. I sighed at her enthusiasm and climbed in as she revved the engine.

"I don't care what you do, just remember, those guardrails over there, they're the only thing between us and dropping hundreds of feet to our death. They are our friends."

She smiled, turning the ignition and firing up the stereo. Just before she slammed on the pedal, she caught my eye and gave me another smile, and this time, I could see the smile all the way to her eyes. I'd finally done something right, it amazed even me.

"Thank you Ash."

"You know I'm always here, you just gotta ask."

I pulled my seatbelt over and prepared for the most terrifying ride of my life.

A/N: This one took a while, I'll even admit, I do like this chapter. All these ideas just randomly jumped out at me, so don't ask. Peace, I'll be back later.


	12. Start the Commotion

**Jumper**

A/N: Thank you once again to all my reviewers, 84 all together, I'd like to hit 100 by the end of the month, but I won't jump out of your computer and strangle you with the mouse if you chose not to. And of course, thank you to my readers, I love you guys sooo much. And a side-note, this chapter (for the most part) is supposed to be lighthearted, but I'm having some girl troubles you could say, so my mind isn't exactly what you could call happy at the moment. If it comes out too angsty, you guys just say the word and I'll re-write it, nothings worse then a troubled writer. --Enjoy--

I hadn't driven so fast in my life. The Porsche was pushing almost 120 by the time my foot hit the floor with the pedal beneath it. It was almost like an alusion to my life. It had been so slow, so boring, and then this girl just walks in with her guitar, and before I know it, my life is 0 to 120 in just seconds.

"SPENCER SLOW DOWN THE FRIGGIN' CAR!!!!"

I snap out of my thoughts to see a terrified Ashley hanging on for dear life to her seat belt, her eyes huge, and the usually large pools of brown were enourmous, and I couldn't help but throw back my head and laugh, my life was finally looking like it was going to be ok. After several minutes of shouting and speeding, I hit the breaks, making the car lurch forward before abruptly stopping. I looked over to see Ashley with white knuckles still holding onto the seat. I laughed again, a huge smile spreading across my face. I'm not sure how long that road was, but even after a half an hour or so of a straight road at 120 miles an hour, it still stretched out endlessly behind and in front of us.

"Where'd you find this at?"

"It was during my escape artist phase, I used to come down here and burn rubber till mom sent me to counseling. Haven't been back in years."

"I like it, we're gonna drive all the way down and back again some day."

She let out a shaky laugh before unstrapping herself from the car and stepping outside, stretching her arms before leaning against the doorframe. I smiled at the view before turning off the car and getting out as well, stifling a yawn as I came to stand next to her, our necks craning to see an end to the endless path of asphalt.

"Where does it go?"

"Stops halfway through Oregon before it branches off into back roads."

"I'd like to see that someday."

She smiled at me, and I could already see her brain formulating a plan as she turned her back to the road and out to the endless expanse of blue on our left. I looked too, and my breath caught at the sight. Limitless blue stretched out before us, and the sun had just began to set, setting the sky on fire, lighting the clouds up to look like little explosions in the air.

"I hate everything about L.A but this."

I looked over to see her resting her chin on her hands as she leaned on the car, her eyes glazed over as if she was looking far into the future or past. Which, I couldn't be sure of though.

"I like it ok."

She laughed, casting me a sidewards glance as I leaned against her, my hands folding across my chest to retain some warmth as the air began to chill.

"You won't after living here a while."

"What like you?"

She laughed again, her eyes still distant, as if looking to the future and the past simultaneously.

"Something like that."

We fell into a peaceful silence as the sun continued its journey downwards, and the clouds began their silent invasion from the north.

"Smells like rain, we'd better get going."

"Aww do we have to? I like the rain."

"I don't have anything against that rain, just driving in it."

"What? I can't drive?"

I tried to pout as she looked at me, an amused expression on her face.

"Fraid so, no more vroom vroom for you little girl."

I tried to glare, but couldn't keep it on my face for more then five seconds as she poked me in the stomach, causing me to squeak like a mouse as she climbed into the drivers seat.

"C'mon Speed Racer, we have a party to get to."

I smiled as I got in, Ash firing up the heater and putting back on the stereo as she turned the car around and silently began our journey back home. Halfway through the asphalt river, it began to rain. It was a light rain, and the clouds began to descend, shutting out what little light was left. I rolled my window down and stuck my arm out the air, shivering at the sudden cold that blasted it as wind and rain beat down on it. I began to move my hand in imaginary patterns, tracing figures and letters into the air as we drove, smiling at the feel of the water on my arm.

"I've always wanted to dance in the rain."

She shot a look from the corner of her eyes, still intent on surviving the journey home.

"Why's that? Didn't your mom ever tell you that you get phenmounia and die after being out in the rain for five minutes?"

"Yeah. Did yours?"

"She was usually throwing me out into it so she could have some quality time with her new man candy."

The car fell silent, the mood smashed by the comment.

"I'm sorry."

She looked at me, keeping a level look at me as she drove.

"Don't be, I got so good at dancing in the rain, I could've made it an olympic sport."

I laughed at the image of her twirling around in the rain entered my head.

"We'll go dancing in the rain if you want to after the party."

"We'll probably hammered and passed out by the time the party ends."

"I will, I don't know if you can manage that though."

I looked at her shocked.

"So what're you saying? I don't know how to get drunk?"

She cracked up, switching gazes between me and the road. We could see blinking lights up ahead, signaling human life as we passed back into the realm of man. I sighed. I liked Ash's world a lot better then this one. We weaved in and out of streets and cars until we finally found ourselves back at square one. My house. She parked the the Porsche out front, but made no movement to leave. She turned to look at me, her eyes thoughtful and cloudy as the rain continued to dance on her car. My hand was still dangling outside, by this time numb, wet and cold, but it felt as alive as I'd ever felt.

"So... we going to the party or not Ms. Davies?"

"Only if you want to, I'm not in much of a party mood right now."

"Will there be dancing?"

"It's L.A, all there is to do is dance and get drunk."

I smiled, it'd been a long time since I'd danced, and my feet were suddenly feeling much lighter.

"Yeah, let's go. We don't have to stay long, I just want to dance."

She laughed at me as I pulled my arm back into the car, rubbing it back to life as she rolled up the window.

"Off to my house then, I doubt you have anything that hot in that little closet of yours."

I mock glared at her as she laughed again, pulling away from my house and back to her house.

"You don't know that, you haven't been through it."

"I don't have to to know that you don't have anything that falls under the category of "LA party" clothes. Trust me."

I did, and I think I always would from now on.

"Ok fine, but not anything _too_ bad."

She feigned innocence as she pulled into her driveway.

"Whatever do you mean? My clothes are perfectly fine and decent."

"Yeah, yeah, but remember, I went through your closet. Why do you have all that stuff?"

"Let's just say I'm entertained in... odd ways."

I shivered as she waggled her eye brows at me, opening the door and heading into the now freezing rain. I ran up to her as she opened the front door and trudged up her stairs. I looked at my cell phone clock to find it eight or so.

"Wow, that road eats up the time."

"Yeah, its like it freezes the world until you leave. A surreal effect."

I smiled, she had that quality too. We arrived at her massive closet again, and we kicked off our wet shoes. I pulled off her sweatshirt which I had been wearing since the morning, sad at the loss of it. I turned back around to see Ash taking off her tank top, leaving her in a bra and jean shorts. My cheeks flamed and I quickly averted my eyes. Or tried to anyway. She stretched her arms upward, and I couldn't help but let my eyes devour her once again. She had the perfect tan, probably from all the hours of doing nothing as she called it, and I couldn't see any fat on her whatsoever. It was all lean muscle. I was confused as to how someone so solid could still be as cuddly as she was. She finally finished stretching and walked into the huge space that contained every type of clothing imaginary, looking bored as she flipped through everything. I was going crazy, wildly looking this way and that, picking up clothing, only to drop it and squeal with joy when I found something else. Finally, after spending what felt like hours in fashion heaven, I decided on just another pair of jean shorts and one of her various slim fit tees, this one spelling out some random word like "Loyalty" or something. Ashley emerged, "tsking" my outfit, but I didn't hear a word.

I'm sure my eyes expanded to twice their normal size, and my mouth hit the floor. She was in the shortest skirt I'd ever seen. The tightest too. She was wearing a matching black shirt, also very tight, and a pair of tennis shoes. She laughed at my expression as she walked past, grabbing a zip up jacket and throwing her pull over to me as I followed in a daze behind her. It took ten or so minutes to get to the warehouse or wherever it was, and as we began to close in on the party, I could see the ground begin to vaguley shake as a singular bass line filtered through the air.

"I hope you don't mind blowing an ear drum or two."

I looked over, expecting to see her laughing, but I saw she was serious.

"This sounds kinda scary..."

"You haven't even seen how people dance up here, a little different then Ohio. I'll give you a crash course later."

She smiled, finding a place to park in the middle of a huge jungle of multi-colored cars, with some people milling about, but most inside a huge building. It looked like hangar almost, and the two huge sliding doors were thrown open, huge bursts of light flashing every few seconds, leaving bright spots on my eyes as we approached. We stood on the threshold, and all I could see was one huge, moving blob of people. There must've been hundreds, and they were all packed together as tight as tight could get. And Ash was right, their dancing was pretty different from what I was used to. People were pretty much having sex while still clothed. It was a scary thing to watch, but as revolted as I was by it, I felt myself drawn into it, and I found my body starting to sway, and wanting to plunge into the blob. Ashley must have noticed my antsy-ness because she grabbed my arm, causing me to look straight at her, her eyes on fire in the strobe lights.

"Stay close, wouldn't want you getting lost and smothering to death in there."

I smiled, but took the advice to heart, it was probably true. She jerked her head slightly to her left and led me inside. I heard her shout something, but couldn't make it out as we plunged into the huge mass, heat and liquid surrounding me at once, but I still felt that warmth that was distinctly Ashley still closed onto me. I finally figured out what she said by replaying it in my head and watching her lips. Something along the lines of:

"Welcome to LA."

A/N: Ooooo it's gonna get good pretty soon, I'm already writing the next chapter, depends on how long I want to go for, so 50/50 chance of another post. Peace ya'll


	13. Get Up

**Jumper**

A/N: Oh thank little tiny baby Jesus that it's the weekend, and a 3 day one at that. So, with all the ideas floating round and round in my head, I should get some more fodder crammed into here. Yay!! Ok, thank you to my 86 reviewers, and all those who have stuck with this story through the ups and downs, the bad grammar and everything else, you guys are awesome. Oh, and badddd language in this chapter, so cover the eyes if your not used to it. --Enjoy--

Ok, so I wasn't really in the mood for another dumb party with random hookups and gallons of cheap beer and booze, but Spence just seemed to make me put new interest into the subject altogether. She did that to me a lot. After high school, I planned to high tail it out of here and never look back, but if we continued down this road of friendship, or whatever the hell we are at this point, I think I'll be sticking around for a while. I was trying to get to the booze to help me relax and see what kind of tolerance Spence had herself. I couldn't help myself, but I was kinda curious as to how much she could hold. We'd made it to the front of the make-shift dance floor which covered about three quarters of the room, and arrived at a raised platform where a guy from Science class was throwing records and mixes into the monster turn-table. To our right was another door leading to the outside, but it was shut for now, the rain beginning the make dancing a dangerous affair. To our left was case upon case, keg upon keg of beer and alcohol. And for once, it wasn't the cheap stuff. I couldn't help but let out an excited giggle and leap to the goods. Spencer hung back as I quickly downed a cup of Heineken before grabbing another, and then one for her. My head was already buzzing, it had been awhile since I'd had anything but water and OJ. She took the cup, and looked at it skeptically.

"C'mon Spencer, it won't bite."

I quickly guzzled mine down before grabbing another, Spencer still looking at hers.

"Just one sip, that's all, don't be a scaredy cat."

She rolled her eyes at my already slurred speech and actually gulped the thing down in one fail swoop, abruptly dropping the empty cup and coughing into her hands.

"Thats... That's nasty."

Her voice was a little tighter and raspier as a side-effect of the beer, but I found her adorable as she tried to clean the taste out of her mouth.

"Yeah, its one of those required tastes, c'mon, I just want to find Aid, then we can shake our asses all you want."

She laughed at me as I quickly scanned the scattered people skirting the huge mass of people. I suddenly spotted Aiden, probably already halfway drunk, and missing his shirt and part of his jeans. He had seen me as well, and quickly made his way over to me, with his big goofy smile on his face.

"Ash! How ya been?"

He picked me up in a bear hug and swung me around a couple times before setting me down and stumbling a step or two as his world probably went 4-D on him.

"Good, good. How bout you?"

He hiccuped and gave me another smile.

"Kick ass! I dumped Madison."

"Again? Who're you with now?"

"Nobody..."

A group of very scantily clad girls walked by us, giggling madly at Aiden as they passed.

"Yet."

He made to leave, but I caught him by the arm, turning him around.

"Whoa there boy, I wanted to introduce you to a friend."

"You? A friend??"

I punched him in the arm and pulled Spence up.

"Spencer, Aiden, my weirdo ex, Aiden, my weirdo friend Spencer."

He smiled at her and I could already see his eyes undressing her. I almost hit him, but controlled myself as Spence stuck her hand out.

"Hey Aiden, I've heard a lot about you."

He looked worridely over to me before returning a smile to her.

"Not anything too bad I hope, good to meet you."

Another group of giggling girls passed, and his eyes quickly lit up.

"Save me a dance later Spence, see you guys later."

He ran off, almost slipping on the slick dance floor, covered in rain water, sweat, and other bodily fluids I dared not guess.

"He seemed..."

"Drunk?"

"Not yet anyway."

I smiled at her as another insanely loud song came on.

"Well c'mon then, I promised you a dance."

I grabbed her by the forearm and steered her straight into the center of the undulating mass of bodies. I had yet to figure out the how the hell I was going to approach the whole dancing thing. Here, the dancing didn't mean anything, just a way to let some steam off, but to Spence, it could mean thousands of things, and I really didn't want to deal with anything right now, just getting her as jealous as possible, and leaving her wanting more. Yeah, I know, I'm a bitch. She noticed my uneasiness, and shouted something, but I shook my head, not hearing a word she said. She suddenly moved in close, putting her mouth dangerously close to my ear, and as she spoke, I felt her light breaths playing over the inside of my ear. I shook violently.

"Still want to teach me how to dance?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

I had to lean in close to her as well, inhaling her as I drew back, Spence visibly shaking from me being so close. Just like that, a perfect song came on, with a steady beat, perfect for teaching her. I leaned back in.

"Ok, but you can't be afraid of touching. That's all it is, movement and contact."

Even as I spoke, my hands were already working, placing themselves on her hips, starting to move her back and forth, slowly catching up the beat. She threw in her own steps, which I found to be pretty good, and soon enough, my hands were off of her and up in the air as more people filled up the now seemingly small space, pushing everyone together to the point of being able to comfortably reach inside each others pockets without much trouble. Spencer noticed the closeness and started to slow down. I leaned back to her, my mouth now just centimeters from her ear, and I could see her shudder.

"It's all about moving with everyone else. It's all contact. What you feel, you tell them through touch. It doesn't matter who they are, they're all dancing, just like you and me. Nothing to be afraid of, just me, you, and hundreds of other people you'll never know."

She grinned at me, and soon began moving again to the beat. We continued until the song blended into another one. I saw she'd gotten the basics down and decided to start on the more advanced stuff. I pulled her to me, and once again was shouting into her ear.

"Ready for something else?"

I saw her head bob up and down, her entire body tense, and waiting for me to move. I turned her around, her back now facing me, both of us still moving with the rest of everyone. I set my chin briefly on her shoulder, placing it perfectly beside her ear again.

"This is front to back."

I saw her smile as we were pressed even tighter into each other, and I could feel her muscles on her shoulders and back get to snapping point.

"Relax, its just dancing."

She let out a sigh and leaned into me, her body slowly molding to mine, and I soon found my body fitting perfectly to hers. By now, my instincts were getting the best of me, and I saw Spencer having a hard time too. Everyone began forming around us, but I couldn't pay attention to anything but the beautiful girl in front of me. Almost without me noticing, my hands were on her hips, turning her body this way and that, and all Spence did was inch closer into me, making me breathe harder (if you know what I mean). I found myself almost numb, and I couldn't concentrate on a thing, my vision was filled with blonde, and that was all. The song faded into another one, and we continued on like that for probably hours, when she suddenly disengaged, and turned to face me. She was covered in sweat, and her hair was sticking up in all these random places. I had to admit, she looked hot, even when she was a mess. She leaned up to me, her breath hot and fast on my ear.

"I have to go get a drink. Don't have too much fun without me."

"I'll try."

She pushed me playfully before dissapearing into the mass of people towards the fountain of alcohol that I'm sure was fully flowing by now. My mind was still wandering as I was grabbed from behind and pushed into. Of course, this wouldn't be a dance without random people coming up and basically trying to get into my pants without me ever seeing their faces. I could tell by the way their hands ran up and down me, it was at least a girl. Guys have the clumsiest hands in the world, at least girls know how to be subtle about everything. I knew Spence would be heading back soon, and that weird part of my brain took over. You know, the "make people as jealous as possible for no apparent reason" part of the brain. I swear to God I'm going to get that surgically removed someday. I began moving closer and closer into her, until there was a small cluster of people surrounding us, all moving in perfect unison. Hey, I loved how Spence danced, but nothing beat the kind of people that had been doing this since they were 5. I caught her eyes as she approached, and beckoned her with a finger, but she only turned around and grabbed the closest person, who just happened to be Aiden who was now only in his white boxers, and very _very_ drunk. He didn't know what was going on, but I saw Spencer getting back into her zone, and I vainly tried to get away from the current girl I was dancing with and throw Aiden aside to take his place. Unfortunately, that girls grip on me was tight as hell, and I soon lost Spencer in the mass of bodies. I continued to go from person to person, guy to guy, girl to girl, still looking for Spencer, but never finding her. The party began winding down, and I began to worry, usually, missing girls as cute and innocent as Spence wasn't good. Not good at all. I was really buzzed by now, and I stumbled around, looking for the blonde hair.

I found Aiden, who was collapsed on the ground, covered in beer, sweat, and God knows what else, holding a half empty bottle of Bicardi and singing the Bob the Builder theme song. Really out of tune I might add. I knelt down beside him, slapping the bottle out of his hand, and lifting his head up to look at me.

"Aid!"

"Whazat?"

"Aiden, look at me."

One of his eyes found me as the other half closed. I slapped him out of it as he loudly burped. My time was short, the inevitable pass out quickly approaching him.

"Aiden. Where. Did. Spencer. Go??"

"Spenther?"

"Yeah, Spenther, where the hell is she?"

"I thaw Brad and dem talkin to herrrrr."

With that, he was out, and I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. Brad, line backer for our football team. Shit, this wasn't good. I quickly stood up, the room beginning to spin. I was trying to think of where they could've gone when I saw several people re-entering the whare-house, with shirts and hair slightly messed up. Shit and double shit. There's always a make out room, and this time, that was _so not good_. I pushed and tripped my way over, hand shaking as I pushed the door in. I stepped into a room steeped in smoke and more booze, but saw nothing. Damn... Then, I spotted another door, probably leading to the storage shed out back. I stumbled over and nearly ripped it off. I couldn't make anything out for a minute or two, but the outlines of what I could see... Oh my God.

"BACK THE FUCK UP NOW!!!!!!"

A/N: Ok, this wasn't very good, but still. G'night/g'morning/g'afternoon and whatever else!! Peace


	14. Play Crack the Sky

**Jumper**

A/N: i started this yeserday, but inspiration didn't find me, and then, I went to see the new Pirates movie which devoured my night. Caitlyn's Opinion: One thumb up, one thumb down. I love Johnny Depp, and God knows Keira is the devil in a dangerously hot body, but still, too long, too many little plots, and woe to anyone who went to the bathroom during the movie, you would have missed like another quarter of the plot. Anyway... Thanks to my reviewers, I'm 3 away from 100, and I'm excited as hell. Thanks also to my readers you guys rock. --Enjoy--

Wow. People in Ohio never danced like this. I'd only seen stuff like this in movies and music videos, and even then, I didn't think that actually happened. I mean, think about it. You and hundreds of complete strangers packed into a small room that's way too hot and pushing up against each other like you were old friends or something. It was a disturbing concept, but I saw Ashley's eyes glaze over as she surveyed the party, her hand still on mine as we weaved throughout the massive crowd. We arrived at the front, and I heard something about "Aiden", "saying hi", and "shaking our asses". Ash was a pretty heavy drinker, she'd gone through 4 cups of beer already in the last five minutes, and I was beginning to worry about how we were going to get home. She shoved me a cup, and I quickly downed it, trying to imitate her, only to bend over, that was one of the nastiest things I'd ever tasted. Suddenly, a guy showed up out of nowhere, and I had a sinking feeling that this was Aiden. He was tall, anywhere from 6'2 to like 6'4, he was shirtless, and part of his jeans were missing. He was covered in liquid, and quickly bent over to bear hug her and spin her around before setting her down. We exchanged hellos, and I could already see him undressing me with his eyes. Boys. He eventually wandered off, after a group of girls, leaving me and Ash again.

She grabbed my hand, and before I knew it, we were in the middle of the blob, and Ashley was getting really close. Suddenly, I found courage, and leaned into her, putting my mouth next to her ear, and I could feel her jump.

"How about that dance lesson?"

I pulled back, waiting for her to move, only to find her mouth now near mine, and I shared a similar shiver as I felt her breath dangerously close to my face.

"Thought you'd never ask."

She grabbed me and pulled me into her, her hands resting on my hips as we tried to catch up with the beat. I couldn't really concentrate on what she was trying to teach me, just what she was doing to try and teach me. We eventually got it, and to my great happiness, I found myself and Ashley being pushed together incredibly hard until I could have safely picked her pockets without moving anything else but my fingers. The concept of this kind of dancing was disgusting to me, but I found myself strangely addicted, and all I wanted was another dance song, another loud and heavy bass line so me and Ash could continue whatever it was we were doing. But, I soon found myself thirsty, and I began craving beer for some odd reason. I'm sure this is how alcoholism starts. I quickly excused myself and made my way over to the massive store of alcohol, trying to figure out what I wanted. I finally decided on one cup of beer, a shot of Tequila, and half a glass of Vodka. My throat was on fire, and the room and people were spinning like crazy around me. I found my already bad coordination ten times worse, me crashing into countless people, slurring out apologies.

I finally found Ash, but felt jealousy surge through me like electricity when I saw her with another girl. I had thought that what me and her had been doing was bad enough, but what she was doing with Ash infuriated me, if anyone was going to do that to her, it would be me. I saw Ash find me, and beckon me with her finger, her eyes locked onto me as I felt her intensity from her gaze hit me full force. I knew she was just trying to play around with me, but it got me angry. I knew people like her, and I distanced myself as far as possible, but I'd fallen for one of the people that I swore I never would. It just bothers me how people are so self-confident and cocky that they think they have a right to mess around with other peoples emotions and lead them on and suddenly just lose interest with them before moving onto someone else hotter. I don't know, just my drunken two cents about it.

Anyway, I was not to be out-done, so I grabbed the nearest person, praying it was a hot one, to find a stone-drunk Aiden to be the one I grabbed. I didn't lose a beat, and I immediately pressed myself into him, causing him to drop whatever excess of alcohol he was carrying and push himself harder onto me, his hands running wildly all over me. To say the least, I felt disgusting, but I had to lead Ash on a little myself. I saw her face as soon as I grabbed Aiden, and I knew she was pissed. She made several attempts to get away from the girl, but she was trapped, and before I knew it, I was caught up in a storm of dancing and free flowing beer. Hours ticked off, and I was getting what was probably my tenth or so cup of beer when I felt hands on my hips in a manner similar to Ash's. I grinned and turned around, only to find another guy, sweaty, and with his clothes half ripped off. He leaned up to me, his breath playing over my ear as Ashley's had, but his voice had no thrilling effect on me whatsoever.

"Hey beautiful, wanna dance?"

"No, I think I'm done for the night actually."

"Aw, come on, just one dance."

"No, I'm good."

His hands suddenly clamped down on mine, and my heart nearly stopped. He leaned back down to my ear, his breath now fast and hard, and his voice low.

"I'm askin nicely blondie, c'mon."

He was pushing up against me, in an apparent attempt to get me convinced, but I just became more disgusted.

"No thanks, now I have to go."

He clenched his hands again, and I gasped out in pain, his fingernails digging into my skin.

"Come on now, don't make me ask again."

I tried to pull away, but he just held on tighter (if possible), and almost as if on cue, three huge guys emerged from the crowd and surrounded us.

"Ok, fine, play hard to get, I like that too."

He jerked his head to the guys and half dragged/carried me to the door in the back. I screamed, but it was drowned out by the bass. My heart was roaring in my ears, and it probably snapped all my ribs into pieces it was beating so hard. I was terrified, I tried to calm down and think rationally, but my brain wouldn't stop moving. They dragged me through a dimly lit room into a smaller one, barely enough room for two people, let alone five people. They shoved me against the wall, and I found my lips under attack by a pair of clumsy lips. I tried to push him off, but he only kissed me harder, and I swear I tasted blood. He finally drew back, and I was shaking hard. My mind was racing to what was about to happen, but I tried to slow it down, drawing pictures of Ash into my head. _Just think it's Ash. Just imagine that it's Ashley doing this. That you want to do this, that you planned it._ By now I was crying, I could feel the warm tears slide down my face, and I slid to the floor as the four guys surrounded me. The one who had kissed me hauled me up roughly, slapping me in an attempt to make me stop me crying, but failing miserably. My face was numb as he continued to assault me while his gorrila friends watched.

"C'mon baby, your makin this harder then it has to be. Just tell me you want me."

He pushed into me, his hands digging painfully into my sides, his hands wandering to the bottom of my shirt. I pushed his hands down, but he slugged me in the face, practically knocking me out. _It's Ash, it's Ash, we wanted this, this isn't happening oh my God..._ His hands had found themselves under it, his hands playing over my skin. They were so rough, and my body involuntarily shook under his touch. He mistaked it for something else, and continued upwards, taking my shirt with it. I was sobbing hysterically, and shaking violently. My throat burned from the beer and screaming as his hands went higher and higher until...

"BACK THE FUCK UP NOW!!!"

The voice of an angel... My angel. I smiled as I saw her framed by a dim light. Her eyes were flashing, and she looked ready to rip someones throat out. The goons turned to face her, confused looks on their faces.

"And who the hell are you?"

"Boy, your about to find out."

I didn't even see her move, and apparently neither did the guys, because seconds later, two were hunched on the ground, yelling in pain as she proceeded to kick one in the stomach before slamming into his face with her fist, drop-kicking him and pounding into his head with her foot. The one who had been doing all the touching was on top of her, dragging her to floor as he hit her repeatedly in the face. She kicked him the stomach, knocking the air out of him and pushing off as she upper-cut him, sending him flying to the wall, as she moved in, kicking and punching him until he was bruised and bleeding profusely. She drew back for another set of kicks, when she noticed me watching. She dropped her foot, looking at me, almost shocked as what she was seeing. I saw her left hand ball into a fist tight enough to draw blood as she prepared to beat the crap out of the guy.

"Stop!"

I wasn't even aware I'd spoken, but she did stop, and quickly ran over to me.

"Spence! Hold on, I'll get you help, you just gotta hold on."

She threw my arm around her shoulder and dragged me out of the room and into the dance floor, which was littered with passed out bodies and hundreds of empty bottles, cups, and cans. We were halfway out to her car when it hit me. I'd almost been raped. My body convulsed, and before I knew it, I was sobbing wildly and collapsed on the pavement outside. The rain was pouring, and it felt so cold against my hot skin. I curled up into a ball on the sidewalk, reveling in the cold, trying to stop crying, only to continue harder. Suddenly, I was enveloped in a warmth, and I didn't do anything but move towards it, trying to make sense of the wildly spinning world. The arms just held on tighter, and the next thing I knew, I was up in the air, in a car, and then in a bed somewhere. I might have tried to mutter something, but darkness suddenly seized me, and then... nothing.

A/N: Another chapter coming in maybe 40 minutes, dunno. One of the darker chapters I've written, tell me if it turned out all right.


	15. Stay Illogical

**Jumper**

A/N: Yeah it hasn't been 40 minutes, sorry, I was busy with "Caitlyn" things. Anyways, thanks to my reviewers, and my readers, you guys rock. --Enjoy--

I can't believe this is happening. I mean, I would've been pissed if it happened to anyone I knew, but it's Spencer. I mean, just look at her, what the hell has she ever done? Brad was so lucky that she was still conscious, I would've made him a red splatter on the wall when I was done with him if she hadn't been. Even after being home for like an hour, my heart would not stop pounding in my chest, and my hands refused to unclench from the very tight fists they were forming, and my palms began to hurt as my fingernails dug deeper into them. I just can't believe it. This is my fault, I shouldn't of taken her, I shouldn't of let her wander off by herself, I shouldn't have let her dance away, I should've protected her. God, I suck. Suddenly, Spencer turned over to me, her eyes slowly opening, only to slam shut again as what I presumed to be tons of pain hit her all over her body. She was bruised and battered, and she had a black eye, and bruises all over the place. I'm going to kill Brad, I swear to fucking...

"Ash..."

I leapt up from my chair and bent down beside her bed as she slowly opened her eyes again. Well eye anyway, the other one was swollen shut.

"Spence, I'm right here, it's ok."

"I think I'm gonna puke."

Then I remembered, she was drunk too, oh this was turning out to be such a lovely Saturday night. I quickly slung her arm around my shoulder and practically dragged her to the bathroom as I tried to keep her steady enough on her knees while she emptied out everything in her stomach into the toliet. After she was done violently convulsing and spitting, she shakily stood up, and I was happy to see she could as least walk. She wobbled back to bed before falling back down onto it, her eyes struggling to stay up. I sat down next to her on the bed, pulling the covers back up over her, as she began to shake violently again. I stood up to leave, but I heard a pathetic remnant of a voice call me back.

"Ash... please, don't leave me."

I could hear her fighting tears from where I was, and I was ready to grab a gun and blow Brads friggin head open, but I couldn't leave her, not like this. I came back, sitting down beside her. Her hands found mine and gripped onto them as hard as she could muster, and I couldn't do anything but watch her try and get enough strength to speak.

"Ash... don't leave, please."

My eyes stung with tears, and my hands finally unclenching, and reaching up to wipe away the stream of tears flowing down her face, and brush some of her hair out of her face. I wanted to cry so badly, but I couldn't I had to stay strong for Spence, had to show her I wasn't afraid. One of us had to be the strong one.

"I won't ever leave you, Spence, never."

She smiled, her eyes shining in the moonlight flowing from the window.

"Promise?"

"I swear."

Her smile got wider, and her grip lessened on me as her eyes finally closed. She was out in another five minutes, and all I wanted to do was scream and shout and curse and cry. This wasn't supposed to happen, and Spencer didn't deserve anything that happened tonight. God, I really suck. I fell asleep next to her, my arms wrapped around her as she instinctively burrowed further into me, and all I could do was hold on tighter. I awoke to bright light in my eyes and quickly shut my eyes as I turned over to go back to sleep, putting my face into the back of Spencer's head, her warm hair falling all around us. I was practically there when I felt a pair of strong arms on my shoulder, ripping me violently off, and onto the floor. I was stunned on the floor, my eyes still halfway open, the light searing them. I heard some voice filter through the haze, but had no idea who it belonged to. I finally managed to open my eyes and stared at an almost identical set of blue eyes as Spencers, but these were colder, harder, and lacked everything that I loved about them.

"Who the hell are you and what did you do to my daughter???"

Her voice was shrill, and it set off a chain reaction in my head that started a killer head-ache, and I put my head into my hands, groaning.

"Excuse me??"

Ok, whoever she was, she was starting to piss me off, her voice was way too damn shrill and high, and she was talking way too loud.

"Ok lady, just back up for a second or two, I've got a massive hangover right now."

"What did you do to my daughter?!??!"

Then it registered, this was that kniving and cheating bitch that Spence told me was her mom. The accusation of me doing something to Spence made me snap inside, as I rose to my feet, unsteadly at first until I locked gazes with the evil bitch. My hands balled up into fists again.

"You think I'd ever do anything to hurt her??"

"I don't know what to think, I arrive home with my husband to find my daughter sleeping with a girl, and they both are bruised and beaten up, I don't know what to think!!!"

"Well let me tell you..."

"Stop shouting please."

We both whirled around to see Spencer sitting up in her bed, her hair all over the place, and her face and body looking ten times worse then it did last night. The urge to find Brad and kill him returned with a vengeance. Her demon mother swooped down on her, trying to hug her only to find herself pushed off. I caught Spence's eye over her moms shoulder, and I saw she wanted to get out of here as fast as possible. My mind began turning out plans as to how to get rid of her mom. She suddenly spun back around to face me, her eyes on fire.

"I don't know what you did, but right now that's not important, I want you out, and I don't ever want you seeing her again."

My mouth hit the floor.

"You honestly think that you can tell her what to do with her life?"

"Of course I can, I'm her mother."

Spence's eyes were glazed over, and I knew she withdrawing from the world. Shit, I had to work fast. I locked gazes with her mom again.

"Can we talk for a second?"

"Absolutely not, I want you out of my house, and I want you out of her life."

I caught Spencer's eyes and gave her the smallest of nods, praying that telepathy was real, as I tried to force my own thoughts into her head. She seemed to get the picture, because she gave me a nod back, and the smallest piece of her smile.

"We'll meet again Ms. Bitch."

She gaped at me as if I'd just stabbed her as I sauntered out of the room and down the stairs. As soon as I reached the bottom of them, I heard shouting and cursing from her room. I almost raced back up to throw her mom out the window, and save Spence, but I knew I'd have to wait. I stumbled outside, searching wildly for my Porsche, but found it attached to a tow truck halfway down the street. Oo revenge will be mine. I wobbled down the street, everything swimming in and out of my vision until I finally reached my house, slamming into the front door as I looked for my keys. After fumbling around with them and missing the lock entirely, I managed to get the door open and collapse in the entry-way. I was out for who knows how long, but I heard some distant noise, something like a song before I went under again. That was Sunday morning I think, and when I awoke and checked my cell phone, I had twenty missed calls, all from Spencer, and twice as many messages, all of her near hysterical. I knew I had to act quickly, but I found myself sluggish and tired. That's the last time I go to one of Aiden's parties I swear to God. I checked my phone calendar to see it was Monday. Wow, I'm a heavy sleeper.

I managed to haul myself up to my bathroom where I practically collapsed into the shower wall as my body was doused in warm water. I emerged probably hours later, feeling much better. I threw on some clothes, and looking for a sweatshirt to put on, I was freezing all of a sudden, and I probably got a cold from last night. I found my old grey one, and as soon as I pulled it on, I was surrounded by the tantalizing smell of strawberries. I grinned, quickly remembering Spence. I raced to my phone and quickly punched in her number, but the other line said it was disconnected. Super Bitch strikes again, I am so getting even. I knew if I drove by their house, I would probably be reported for stalking Spence, so I had to bid my time and wait until Spencer could get in touch with me. Easier said then done. The days dragged on, and I heard absolutely nothing from her. I was terrified that her parents had straightened her out (in more ways then one) and she was done with me. By the third day, I was shaking from my Spencer withdrawal, and I had to see her. I tried to coast casually by their house, but found myself nearly arrested for trespassing. I didn't know they owned the sidewalk too.

I was creating hundreds of plans for revenge on the Super Bitch, and I found a week was already gone. I was miserable without that girl. I even lost interest in guitar. Every time I went to pick it up, I remembered a time when I played her something, and I lost the want to play it. All I could do was blast music through the house, screaming along with the lyrics trying to empty myself out. I was on the verge of actually breaking into the alcohol room, something I swore I'd never do again. I was desperate, I needed Spencer, I needed her so bad. I gave her another couple days, and before I knew, I had gone two weeks Spencer-Less. I had drank maybe a quarter of the alcohol room and was getting ready to dive into the Sauza when I heard banging on the door. And I'm not talking the light little tapping either, this was the "open the freaking door or I'll jump through the windows." I had given up hope that every call would be Spence, that every doorbell chime was her, that every car passing was her, and I was on the verge of ignoring the door altogether, but I heard just one thing that made me drop the two bottles of Grey Goose to the floor and vault over the couch and sprint to the front, probably ripping off hinges in the process of opening the door.

It was storming bad, and the rain had been my constant companion throughout the last two weeks, and I found myself on my roof, screaming at the cloudy sky as thunder and lightning shook the world. I opened the door to find a sopping wet Spencer, and my heart stopped. Her chest was heaving, and I saw her shaking violently. We didn't say anything, and I continued to stare at the apparition in front of me, terrified that if I tried to touch her, she'd dissapear for God knows how long. She was staring down at the floor, and I was dimly aware of me getting soaked, and water running into the house by gallons. Finally, something inside of me snapped, and I reached out to touch her shoulder. She jumped when I touched her, and her head snapped up to meet my eyes.

"Spence?"

She didn't say anything, but I saw the tears mingling with the rain on her face, and I knew something was wrong.

"Spencer? What's wrong?"

She didn't say anything still, but I dimly remember her practically falling face first into me, and hugging me so tight, I think she might have cut off my circulation between my lower and upper body. She had her face burrowed into my shoulder, and her body was convulsing violently as the rain continued to soak us both. I don't know how long we stood there, but it felt like time had stopped, but sped up. I didn't know what the hell was going on anymore, when I suddenly heard a voice next to my ear. Her voice was low and raspy, and it sent jolts all over me.

"I missed you so much Ash."

Then the unthinkable happened. Her lips were over mine.

A/N: Oh snap.


	16. Mushaboom

**Jumper**

A/N: Hey all, sorry I left you hangin there, but my old man got in after I posted it and we went out for tacos and did some grocery shopping, and I've been trying to tab a song which the chapter is named for, it's Mushaboom by Feist, it's addictive as hell, and I'm hooked on it and it's guitar. Anway, I've gone over a hundred!!! SCORE!!! I have 105 reviews!!!! Thank you to everyone, all my readers and reviewers and everything, you guys rock!! Yessss!! Ok... --Enjoy--

My entire life I bent to other peoples expectations. My mom wanted me to be smart and get into a good college, so from day one of kindergarten, I'd been working my ass off to be better then everyone else. My dad wanted me to be understanding and nice and never judge, so I read books upon books and watched movies and everything to be the better person. Glen wanted me to "cool", and that kind of backfired, but anyway, all of my life, I was everything everyone else wanted me to be. But not with Ash. She wanted me to be myself, just be the girl I was when I met her. I expected her to want to form me to what she wanted, but she didn't touch me, and she seemed to love me just the way I was. It confused me so much at first. But then, I realized it. She was fine with who she was. She didn't need, or want to change anything about herself, she was fine with everything she had. Sure, she was alone a lot, she had way too much spare time on her hands, she'd had a destructive past, but all those thing made her Ashley Davies, and she was fine with it. And that's why I love her as much as I do.

My mother had forbid that I see Ash, and the two weeks that followed were the longest and most torturous 14 days of my life. Everywhere I looked, her face was there, everything I heard was her voice, everything I thought of was somehow connected to her and some moment we shared. It was official, I had become completely possessed by that girl, and I loved it. Me and my mom got into many a fights about who I can see and this and that, but finally, I'd had enough. She saw Ash as a road-block, an obstacle, something that would stop me from reaching "my dream". But of course, it was her dream, and I didn't want it anymore, I wanted to follow mine, and while Ashley was an obstacle to my mom, she was my world, my everything, my air, my earth, my life, my universe, and I knew that we were going to be together, I just had to figure out how. Finally, my mom left to go to "work", but by now, the entire family was aware of her new "work", and I knew it was a matter of time before dad got sick enough of it to drive up to court and divorce her ass. I was sitting in my room, facing the window as the rain beat against it and thunder and lightning struck outside. I knew that somewhere, Ash was doing the same, and waiting. I was half contemplating jumping out of the window when my door suddenly opened. My dad stepped in, and he had the "we need to talk" face.

I smiled and motioned for him to sit next to me on my bed. He did and we watched the rain make images and droplets on the glass for several minutes before he spoke.

"Spence, I'm sorry."

I sighed, I didn't want another apology, all he did was apologize, and I loved him to death, and he always meant it when he did say sorry, but it got so old.

"Go."

I looked at him, my brow furrowed.

"What?"

"Your wasting away here, you need to go, find your friend, dance in the rain, I don't know."

He stood up and put his hand on my shoulder, kissing the top of my head.

"You deserve to be happy Spencer, that's the least I can do for you."

I turned to look back at him, and I saw his eyes slightly glassy. I jumped off my bed and threw myself on him, hugging him as tight as possible.

"I love you so much dad."

"I know, now go tell Ashley that too."

I froze. He looked at me with an amused smile on his face.

"Being dad is like being God, we both hear everything in this house."

I grinned at him before bolting out of my room and out of the house. I sprinted to her house, in nothing but my tank top and a pair of old jeans. By the time I got there, my chest was heaving, and my eyes were watering for some unknown reason. I reached her front door and hammered on it. I continued to punch and kick the door for countless minutes as my tears finally broke free. She had to be here, I needed her, and I couldn't leave this house until I saw her. I continued this for God knows how long until it was viciously slammed open, and there in front of me was my angel. By now, my tears were running wildly, and I was concentrating on the ground, trying to work up my nerve for the next part. I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder and jumped as we locked eyes.

"Spence?"

I loved how she said my name, it just floated off of her tongue and out into the sky, floating upwards towards space. My eyes teared up again as I realized what would happen if this didn't work out.

"Spencer? What's wrong?"

I didn't say anything, mustering up what little courage I had. I threw myself onto her in the tightest hug I will probably ever give. She stood there motionless as I burrowed deeper into her warmth. I put my mouth near her ear, getting a sudden rush of adrenaline out of nowhere. I leaned forward, my voice as low as possible.

"I missed you so much Ash."

She didn't say anything, and then, it happened. I kissed her. I'll admit that I haven't really had that much experience with kissing, but damn. That was and will always be the most intense kiss I've ever had. My brain practically exploded as soon as our lips connected. The smell of lilacs almost knocked me out as it overpowered me. Suddenly, I felt strong arms snake up my back, pushing me closer, she suddenly taking control. My mind was just a puddle in my head by now, and I didn't even remember who I was. Then, the cold hit me, and I instinctively moved towards her, pushing her further and further back until we tripped over the stairs, me falling on top of her, out lips still connected. Somehow, I found the willpower to pull away, and my head swam momentarily from the oxygen deprivation. Ashley was staring at me, a shocked expression on her face.

"What? Did I do something wrong?"

She grabbed my shirt and pulled me back down, quickly switching places as her body came down on top of mine, her weight fully on me. She pulled away after a minute, and I saw she was dazed from no oxygen as well. Suddenly, she smiled, and it was the most brilliant thing I'd ever seen.

"God, what the hell took you so long??"

I launched another attack on her lips, and somehow, she managed to get me up the stairs, into her room, and onto her bed without breaking our lips. It was one of the most amazing things I'd ever felt. My body was on fire, but at the same time, so cold. Suddenly, I was aware that we were on the bed, and my body locked up. Ash noticed and pulled away. She was on top of me and straddling my waist, her arms on either side of me. Her mouth was inches from mine, and her hair fell around out faces, creating a curtain like effect. Her eyes looked worried.

"You ok Spence?"

Suddenly, I was at a loss for words. I didn't want her to get mad at me, but after the party incident, I couldn't picture myself doing much of anything of that nature. Almost like reading my thoughts, she pulled her head away and sat on top of me, her hands finding mine.

"It's cool Spence, no rush."

I sighed, another smile on my face as I pulled her back down by the drawstrings on her sweatshirt. This continued for God knows how long, and I loved every minute of it. Finally, we reached a mutual agreement to stop for a little while, both of us near unconsciousness because of the lack of air in between kisses. She was lying beside me, her arms wrapped around me as traced patterns onto my skin underneath my shirt. I was still trying to catch my breath, and all I could do was stare at the perfection beside me. She noticed me looking and paused in her drawings for a second.

"What? Do I something in my teeth?"

I laughed, but it quickly stopped as she moved down onto me again, and it was like the same roller coaster all over again. My stomach was freaking out, and I couldn't help but grin into the kiss, her mouth already well known to me. She stopped again, getting lightheaded before returning to her pattern drawing on me. I was finding courage all of a sudden and put my hands over hers, making her stop her drawings again.

"What's up?"

"Can I tell you something?"

"Anything."

I paused, trying to figure it out in my head how I was supposed to say it. Glen had once told me that they were the most over used phrase on the entire face of the planet, and you were lucky to meet someone who at least meant two thirds of it when they said it to you. But then again, he had a lot of bad girlfriends. Anyway, I was trying to figure it out when I noticed Ash's concerned face. I laughed at her face, kissing her gently, the words finally coming to me.

"I know that a lot of people don't mean it, but I think I mean it. I mean, these are things I've never felt before, so I'm kind of stumbling around in the dark, but for the most part I think I mean it and well..."

I was cut off by warm lips on mine, and a hand entangling itself in my hair, while another went slowly up and down my side. She pulled away with a huge grin on her face.

"Yeah, love you too Spence."

I pouted, making her laugh again.

"No fair Ash, I wanted to say it first!"

"Well then just say it, you don't need an introduction for it."

I sighed in defeat and quickly kissed her again and pulling away.

"I love you Ashley."

She looked at me, and I could see her eyes tear over.

"I love you too Spencer."

I grinned, she really meant it. Her face suddenly became serious.

"Hey Spence, can I show you something?"

I looked at her expression, trying to read it, eventually giving up.

"Sure."

She smiled, grabbing my hand and leading me down the stairs and out to her backyard. She pushed me outside, clicking a remote, making music suddenly pour out of the speakers. I grinned at her, as she walked outside, the rain still pouring and soaking us both.

"How about that dance Ms. Carlin?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

She laughed, grabbing me by my waist, pulling me closer to her. My head rested on her shoulder while her head was on the top of mine, and I could feel her breath play over my face. I hadn't stopped smiling. Then, I heard the lyrics, and I laughed loudly as the thunder and lightning started up again, crackling against the sky as we continued to dance.

_I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,_

_You could cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in,_

_and, if you do not want to see me again, I will understand._

We both shouted out the lyrics as we danced, and I knew that this was heaven.

A/N: Be back later guys, hope this was up to usual Spashley fluff standards.


	17. Kids With Guns

**Jumper**

A/N: Ok, this is my official explanation chapter. I'm sorry I haven't updated, I haven't even touched this story for like a week now. So my life has concentrated to two main problems; 2 adorable kittens, and one adorable girl I can't have. The kittens are distracting to say the least, and I haven't been able to do much of anything but pet them and watch them play. If you've had kittens before, you know what I mean. And then, the girl thing, I won't really get into to, it's too complicated, and I'm trying to forget about it as best I can, but girls are rather talented at making you remember them. So just in short, another let down with my emotions, and it's gotten to me to put it mildly, and I haven't been feeling too creative. But what goes down is required to go up so it can have momentum to go back down again. And of course, I have 7 days left of school, and my life has been consumed with cramming as much time as I can with "certain" people, and finals. Sorry bout leavin you all hanging, give me a little more time.


	18. Green Bird

**Jumper**

A/N: Sorry to the millionth power, I don't make you all wait on purpose, but good ideas aren't as plentiful in my head as they used to be. So, thank you to all my reviewers, you guys are keepin me going on this, and of course my readers, thanks for sticking around for so long. --Enjoy--

We danced in the rain for hours, and I didn't even notice how soaked we were by the end of it. I'd failed to realize it'd been hours too. I was so caught up in her, time was just another thing working against us, but we finally beat it, beat everything. It was amazing that one person could make me feel like I did; Just so free and carefree, and she did all of that and more, it was almost as if she was my new drug, my new addiction. For once, my addictions weren't going to kill me, and it was just another plus to add the endless list of all things Spencer. I loved the way she smelled, the light smell of Strawberries just barely tickling your nose, but somehow invading your entire body, filling up your body with a slight buzz, and making your vision just a little blurry. The way that she could make even my oldest and most tattered sweatshirt and a pair of equally destroyed jean shorts the cutest things ever, and make her look even more adorable, it just all added up, and before I knew it, I was in love.

After the whole Aiden mess, I wasn't sure where I was going in the whole emotional department. I mean, I think I loved him, but compared to Spencer, it just didn't seem half as powerful or addictive as what I felt for her. Like me and Aid could go several weeks without talking or interacting with each other at school, but I couldn't even entertain that idea with Spence, I needed her wherever I was, close enough in case I needed her. It was such a strange feeling, and I'd never experienced it before. Sure, I'd read the books and seen the movies about love that hit you like a sledge hammer to the head, but I couldn't stand that all of them ended happily. I mean seriously, do you know anyone who has every lasted? I don't. But with Spencer, I felt just like a person in a movie, I knew I would not be able to live if she weren't there with me. I thought that was just another dramatization that comes with Hollywood, but for once those airheads got something right.

"What're you thinking about?"

I was pulled out of my thoughts by an angels voice, and I turned to face the owner of it and found myself face to face with a saint. I couldn't help the grin that broke out. I don't remember ever smiling so much as I did in that single afternoon. It was so strange and alien... but I liked it.

"Nothing."

"Your a bad liar Ms. Davies."

She smirked at me, and I felt myself practically melt. I loved her eyes. I know I've said it before, but I think that she holds the universe in those limitless expanses of beautiful blue.

"Who am I? My mom?"

"I just call you that cause it bugs you."

I leapt onto her, tickling her sides, and causing her to emit another adorable squeak.

"And I like doing this cause you do that cute little squeaking thing."

Her face was turning red from laughing so hard, and I saw the tears begin to form in her eyes. By now I had pinned her to the bed, holding her arms over head with one arm while the other travelled all over her body, tickling her madly.

"C'mon Spence, give."

"Yeah right."

She tried to get up, but I was way heavier then she was, and she stayed stuck on the bed, her smile brilliant. Finally, I stopped and sat back, my hands moving towards the hem of her shirt to trace patterns on her stomach. Usually I'm not too touchy feely, but I could not get enough of her skin. It was the softest thing I'd ever felt, and it always radiated this light warmth that made me almost melt inside. Her stomach tensed as soon as my fingertips brushed the skin, and I grinned again, she was so ticklish.

"We're gonna have to work on that tickle reflex you have Spence."

"Why? I thought you like my adorable squeaks."

I laughed again, only to be silenced by her lips on mine. My mind was gone for those long seconds until she pulled back, blushing again and lay back down, her hands lacing through my fingers.

"Sorry, I just like how that feels."

"How what feels."

She smiled, averting her eyes and looking to the side. I quickly poked her in the stomach, making her jump and squeak as her eyes locked back onto mine.

"How what feels Spence."

She blushed again, God that girl is so adorable and innocent I almost feel guilty for "corrupting" her as people put it. Almost.

"You'll think its dumb."

I sighed and climbed off of her, rolling to my side and facing her, propping my head on my arm and fixing her with one of my famous Davies Stares.

"Nothing you say is ever stupid."

"Your just saying that."

"C'mon Spencer."

She knew I was serious when I added the R to her name. She sighed and looked at me, her eyes shining.

"It's like, when I kiss you, I feel incredible. You know, like I'm invincible, that nothing can touch me, and I get all tingly inside, and my head gets all light and stuff."

She grinned sheepishly at me. I just stared at her, amazed.

"See, told you you'd think it was dumb."

She moved to turn away, but I gently steered her face back to mine with my right hand, my lips moving in until they were just barely touching, the smell of Strawberries making me borderline euphoric.

"It's anything but dumb."

I moved in again, deepening the light kiss until she pressed her hand up against my shoulder, easing me off as she sat up. The repercussions of Brad were many, and this was one of them. I'm already arranging to destroy his house before school starts with Aidens help.

"Sorry."

I looked up to her, and I could see that little sliver of fear still left over from that night. Her eye had healed, it was a little on the swollen side, but nothing as bad as it had been. I was covered in bruises from head to toe, but it didn't matter too much anymore. Not with Spence. I grabbed her hand and covered it with both of mine, reveling in their warmth again.

"Don't be."

She smiled at me, her scared look fading. She inched back over to me, looping her arms around my waist as her head came down onto my shoulder. It was amazing how we fit together. If the world were a puzzle, I'd be that one piece that the dog got a hold of, the cat sharpened her claws on, got stuck in the vacumn cleaner, and yet I still hung around, looking for that other piece. Funny how the most perfect piece of the puzzle fit for the wrecked one. Pretty soon, I fell asleep, wrapped up in warmth as i felt Spencer inching into me again, so intent on getting a piece of my warmth. If this was what my life had come down to, hanging out with the most beautiful, talented, amazing, and coolest girl I'd ever met for the rest of my life and doing nothing but talking and sleeping, I think I could live with that.

A/N: Eep, yes its short, but you guys deserve something, and yeah its not beautifully written, but you guys need something to pick at. Plus, who doesn't like meaning fluff? I know I can't resist it.


	19. Poetry & Aeroplanes

**Jumper**

A/N: Sorry sorry I didn't update. So Thursday, I had to bake a double batch of cookies for my fourth period, and then a cake for my moms senior class. Friday, well there fridays, what else can I say, I just lounged around. Saturday, I hit the gym up early, and then I went to see John Mayer at the Hollywood Bowl with the first love of my life (we're still friends) it was awesome, and I slept away most of Sunday and then had to do homework. Hope the chapter makes up for it, 3 more days of Finals then I am done!! And the kittens and the girl are still driving me insane. Ok, --Enjoy--

So this is love. I like it. She makes me so happy, sometimes I feel like I'll explode with all of the emotions that she manages to get going inside of me. I love it. I love her. My mom will be throwing a major BF when I get back home, but that doesn't matter, I have Ash, and that's all that's important right now. It's like I've been on this natural high for days and I haven't come down in the slightest since we kissed. And her lips... wow. They reduce me to nothing but a little puddle of happy goo, and they could incite me to murder if she wanted me to do it. It's amazing that one person can do this. Cause all of these emotions, ranging from euphoria to feeling as light as a balloon and everything in between. I can't stop thinking it, and before long I'll be telling her at every step we take, but I just can't seem to keep the sentence inside for more then five minutes. If this is what my life has been refined down to, being with the girl I madly love and doing anything and everything, I think I can live with that for a long, long time.

"We should really get a little shock collar for both us for when we start thinking too much."

The grin re-appears, and I can't help it.

"I love you."

She looks at me, her eyes full of wonder, and she smiles back at me, her hand tightening on mine.

"Why do you say it so much?"

I pause. Why do I say it all the time? Isn't it bad to overuse it?

"Because I do."

She looked at me again, her eyes half dis-believing.

"You sure you do?"

I nod my head up and down. She smiled before leaving my arms and getting up to stretch. She was in a pair of jean shorts and a white tank top again, and this time, I let eyes go wild when her shirt began to ride up, exposing her tanned back. I jumped up and wrapped my arms around her exposed stomach, her muscles tensing under my touch.

"We've gotta work on your tickle reflex as well."

I saw her smirk before turning around to mercilessly tickle me again. Before long I found myself pressed against the wall, Ash's hands and lips turning me into putty, the smell of Lilacs probably imprinting themselves onto my brain for the rest of my life. I became dimly aware of her hands beginning to find themselves working up my shirt, and my body tensed again, my grip tightening on Ash's hair. She immediately withdrew her hands, much to my dissapointment, and heaved a heavy sigh. I panicked.

"Ash, I'm sorry but..."

She put one of her fingers up to my lips, her touch soothing my wildly racing brain fast as lightning.

"Don't ever be sorry, I'm just thinking about the best way to destroy Brad's house. I'm thinking ceranwrap the car, baloney on the hood, rice on the lawn, and flaming dog craps in the trees."

I grinned, wrapping my arms around her waist, burying myself in the thick warm curtain of her hair. I could hear her breathing, and it helped calm down my own breathing, slowly catching up to hers until we were breathing in unison, my mind still worried.

"Do you mind...?"

I felt her hands run up and down my back, eventually finding a resting spot on my hips, her fingers wrapping around the skin, and making shivers run violently through me.

"Whenever your ready Spence, it's gotta be special, y'know all that other crappy romance stuff."

I laughed into her shoulder, eventually closing my eyes as sleep almost over took me again. I suddenly felt her breath against my ear, making my hair on my neck and arms prickle instantaneously, the familiar surge running through me.

"Can I show you something?"

I pulled back from her warm embrace and looked at her, her eyes searching me and making me feel like I was stretched out on a table, naked, as she memorized and figured every single part of me.

"Of course."

She smiled that devilish grin before grabbing two sweatshirts and pulling me out of her room and back to her Porsche. She promised me for a graduation present she'd let me have it. I was ecstatic to say the least. We sat down in silence as she zoomed off, her hand finding one of mine and inter-twining itself, making my hand clamp down on it automatically. My body has weird natural responses to things, I know. I loved her skin, it was always so warm when I needed it, and cool when it needed to be. Like climate controlled, only better. Just one more thing to love. We drove for probably hours, steadily inclining until we stopped. We stepped out, and I found us on the top of hill, not particularly huge, but giving a great view of the city and the millions of blinking lights.

"What's here Ash?"

"Look up."

I did, and I gasped. Yeah, there weren't millions of stars like Ohio, but it reminded me of home immediately, a smile creeping onto my face.

"You always talked about stars, I know it isn't much, but for L.A., this is as good as it's gonna get."

I turned to her and threw my arms around her as her arms snaked over my back, and I was soon enveloped in that all powerful warmth that drew me in time and time again. She tugged my arm and motioned for the hood of the car. She sat down on it, moving up it as I sat in between her splayed legs, her arms quickly wrapping around me as I felt her close down on me, surrounding me with warmth. I leaned back into her as one of her hands released mine and came up to play with a loose strand of hair that had escaped my ponytail.

"I love your hair Spence."

I smiled, her mouth was perfectly positioned next to my ear, her chin leaning reassuringly on my shoulder, the weight more then welcome. We sat in a quiet silence for a while, the questions I'd been harboring for a while making me feel just about ready to burst.

"Hey Ash?"

"What's up?"

"Can I ask you some stuff?"

"Yeah, as long as it doesn't have to do with the school trip to Tiajuana Sophmore year."

"Good cause... Wait, what school trip to Tiajuana?"

She laughed, her breath playing over my face as she relaxed again.

"Just kiddin Spence, fire away."

I smiled as I leaned closer into her, her grip tightening on me as chills ran rampant all over my body.

"How did you know?"

"That's a broad question."

I slapped her leg before letting hers capture mine again. I could feel her shaking against me from laughing.

"About me. About being gay... I don't know, just talk."

I saw her smirk before her eyes went blank as she put her thinking face on.

"Well hmmm. About you... I'd like to say from the moment I knew you were watching me I wanted you."

I smiled.

"But why?"

Her breath played over my ear again, as she drew more breath into her to speak.

"Do I really need reasons to love you?"

"No... it's just I have OCD about this kind of stuff, I need like a definite answer you know."

She shook more as she laughed again.

"Yeah I do."

She sighed and I felt her head lift up and gaze at the stars, and my look followed soon, my smile returning to my face as memories flooded back from Ohio and things that happened under those bright lights.

"Well, if your looks weren't an excuse enough, your adorable, great to talk to, smart, funny, and everything a girl can be."

I blushed as her hands found themselves on my stomach, both barely touching my stomach, but enough to get my muscles wound up again. I've never been one for a lot of touching, but I'll just have to get used to it.

"You really think so?"

"I know so kid."

I laughed as she poked my stomach.

"So what else do you want to know?"

"Hmmm, when did you know you were gay?"

"These are some interesting questions Spence, ok, let's see. Her name was Amanda, and we were in 9th grade. I felt things I hadn't felt for anyone before, guy or girl. At the time, I didn't really know how 'wrong' it was. She didn't either I think. I think it was just an experiment, but it was more to her I think. We messed around you know, explored, learned, but Aiden asked me out, and I was exposed to this world where anyone who was out was a 'faggot' or a 'dyke', and they hated them for it. It terrified me. So, I did the only thing I knew how to do at the time. I ran from Amanda, told her I didn't feel anything, it was a mistake, a 'phase'. But after Aiden and I broke up, all I could want was more girls, never guys."

"Do you ever regret running from Amanda?"

"Yeah... I miss her, she was my first everything y'know."

"Your my first everything, you know that right Ash?"

I felt her body tense slightly and I could already hear the conclusion.

"I won't ever run from you, I promise."

Her hands gripped onto me the hardest they ever had.

"Promise?"

"I swear Ash, your mine, I'm yours."

She exhaled, and I did the same with a breath I didn't realize I was holding. The whole Amanda business wasn't easy to listen to. We returned to gazing at the stars, Ash occasionally stealing kisses from me as time fell off.

"Which one do you want?"

"Which what?"

"What star, anyone you want I'll get you."

I laughed as I slid off the hood and out of her grasp.

"Do you know how overplayed and cliché that is?"

"Yeah, but this whole thing is kinda cliché wouldn't you say?"

"Whats that mean?" 

"Good girl falls for the BAMF from the wrong side of the tracks, whats not cliché about it?"

"BAMF?"

She looked at me like I was crazy.

"BAMF!!! You know Bad Ass Mother Fucker??"

My face remained blank as she slid off of the hood.

"It's Dane Cook, don't worry we'll save your soul yet."

I rolled my eyes before stretching, feeling those powerful arms surround me and pull me back a little bit. I smirked at her as I proccessed what she said.

"So your a Bad Ass Mother Fucker?"

"Hell yeah, haven't you seen the news?"

I grinned before turning in her arms, pushing my lips against hers as I felt myself lift off of the ground for the millionth time tonight.

"I love when you do that."

"Do what?"

"The random little kisses, its so cute."

I smiled before hugging her hard.

"Alright c'mon kid lets get goin', I'm beat."

"I could always drive."

She was halfway in the car when she stopped.

"Right, come on speed demon."

I climbed in beside her and she took off to her house. I continued to stare at her all the way through the ride, my mind nothing but a puddle of goo. If this is love, I like it.

A/N: G'night/G'morning/G'afternoon and any other thingy.


	20. Dance Floor Anthem

**Jumper**

A/N: Whew, glad there's a Dane Cook fanbase here, I was worried no one would get my BAMF. Very happy to know there's other people out there that enjoy laughing their asses off at Dane. That silly bitch. Ok, thanks to all my reviewers and readers, you guys are so totally awesome, and we've hit 20 chapters!!! Sorry, I haven't updated, I got out of school on Thursday, and I was caught in a whirlwind of parties and long goodbyes. What can I say. Ok –Enjoy--

So, she liked the whole stars and hillside thing. I'm glad. She's not too complicated or anything when it comes to what she wants. That's why I'm still stunned she'd pick me of all people. Even as I'm lying here next to an angel fast asleep, I can't help but wonder if I'm her Amanda. We'll be together for a little bit, but when high school hits, she'll freak out and drop me faster then she fell for me. That scares me. This is the first time I've felt an emotion with another person since probably Amanda. Aiden doesn't count, he's a meathead. I just want it to last, but nothing lasts, and now I'm starting to realize we will have an expiration date to all this. That scares me. I love being around her, talking to her, being with her, I just plain love her, and I am so terrified of what could happen if this was just a "phase". Probably God just getting even for me and Amanda. I failed to tell Spence what happened after I broke up with Amanda. She loved me, she really did. Too much. She committed suicide a month later. I don't want to be that girl. I don't want to be.

My thoughts were broken into by a rather cute blonde as she inched further into me, her arms beginning to exert tremendous force on my stomach. Probably nightmares or something. I sighed and gave her shoulder a light squeeze. The past is the past, and the future will stay that way. I'll just take it one day at a time, I won't look back, I won't look forward, I'm just a girl in love with another one. Simple enough. Those were my last thoughts before drifting into a slightly disturbed sleep.

"Ash..."

"Five more minutes mom."

I rolled over, the brief light that I saw while my eyes snapped open was enough to blind me. I groaned and tried to go back to sleep, but to no avail, I felt a pair of hands slide on my stomach, beginning to draw patterns all over my stomach. I growled as I eased my eyes open, intent on tickling Spence half to death. I jumped around, quickly pinning Spencer to the bed as I straddled her waist, one hand running all over her body, causing her to squeak and convulse until I finally stopped and removed my hands from her body. She had one of those adorable smiles on her face, and her blue eyes were gazing up at me, trying to see into me. She was probably reading my soul like the Sunday Funnies, but I guess I don't mind too much.

"How'd you sleep last night?"

"Good, good. You?"

"It was ok I guess..."

She looked up at me curiously.

"Except there was this blonde girl that would not leave me alone!"

I started tickling her again, but somehow found my position inverted, with Spencer now on top of me as her small fingers danced all over me. I let her explore my body for several minutes as the tickling became touching, and eventual kissing again, until I started to sense the eventual lock-up that accompanied the hands going up the shirt any further then a couple inches. I rolled off and sighed as I looked up at my ceiling. God I wanted Spencer, but she had to want it too, and I guess it was too soon after Brad. Stuff like that can really screw a girl over.

"Sorry."

I heard the light apology and turned over to see her with the sad puppy dog look on her face. I put on a small smile and reached out to brush some hair from her face. God that hair was amazing. Almost as soft as the rest of her.

"Spence, stop apologizing. It's fine. Really."

"Sorry, it's just something I do a lot."

I laughed as I stood up, stretching and feeling Spencer's eyes run crazy all over my exposed back again. It'd be a matter of time, a girls will is only so strong in the face of sexiness. I turned around to see Spencer still mentally undressing me, and motioned for her to follow me.

"C'mon Spence, it's time we get you home for a little bit."

I could hear her deflating as she began to follow me. I felt a warm hand on my shoulder that gently turned me around.

"Do I have to?"

"Yeah, you have no clothes and you stink."

She pouted, her mind furiously trying to crank out an excuse to stay. Her pout was freaking adorable.

"Aw, c'mon Ash."

"You have a family, you need to see them. Family, then Ashley."

The words bit my tongue, but it was true, if this didn't work out, Spence would need something to fall back on, that and I didn't want to see her family boot her out and disown her as mine did. She finally gave up and grabbed her shoes, following me down the stairs and out to the car. The drive to her house was in relative silence, and as I pulled up, I could already hear the yelling. I cringed and turned to Spence.

"Maybe, on second thought..."

"No, it's cool, your right."

She smiled gently at me and made to get out of the car, but I grabbed her forearm and anchored her to the car. She quickly sat back down and looked at me curiously. I leaned over and quickly kissed her, withdrawing just as the front door slammed open, and a flaming blonde hair appeared. Oh shit...

"SPENCER!!!"

The cry was enough to shatter glass, and I saw her beginning her descent from the doorway. I hurriedly exchanged glances between the two blondes before making my choice. I quickly reached over Spence's lap and slammed the door shut, putting the car in gear and slamming on the gas, leaving a cursing blonde behind.

I looked to my right and saw Spence's face blank again, my stomach starting to turn to knots. My right hand wandered over to Spencer's leg, which immediately tensed up as I slowly inched my way up her body until my hand cupped her cheek. I gently turned it to look at me, and I could see the hurt cutting into her sharper then it ever had before. Her eyes were glassy, but I knew Spence, and she never was one for crying. My thumb began to stroke her soft skin as we drove on past hundreds of people and things, all seeming to blend into one continuous blob of bland color that whirred outside of our windows, held at bay by the blonde in front of me. My voice finally began to work again, being caught in my throat for several minutes now.

"Spence...?"

I could see the invisible dam break as soon as I whispered her name, and before I knew what was happening, her seatbelt was off, and she had crawled onto my lap and curled up in my arms as she began to sob onto my shoulder. By now, I had stopped my car mid-traffic, and I could barely even register the angry honks and cursing attacking the car from all angles. I wasn't even aware of my own actions until I realized I'd somehow driven back to my house, all with a sobbing Spencer in my arms. My grip tightened as I undid my seatbelt and popped the door open, gathering the broken girl in my arms as I climbed out of the car. Her arms had a death-grip around my neck, and even at the oxygen deprivation, I found my arms tighten to breaking point. I got the door open before dropping onto the couch as Spencer only crawled back onto me, curling up and still crying. We stayed like that for hours, her head on my shoulder and her arms draped over my shoulders, occasionally gripping onto my shirt, which was now soaked, and my arms making a secure blanket around her waist. She finally stopped, and all I heard was the little sniffling as she buried further into me.

"Sorry."

Her voice cracked and was strained from crying, it was only a ghost of a whisper. My arms tightened again, and I could feel her still trying to burrow into me. We were pushed so close together, I doubt you could get paper in between our smashed bodies.

"Don't ever be Spencer, don't you ever be sorry."

Her hands clenched on my shoulder, her fingernails digging into me, yet I could find no pain in it. She's like a natural Novocaine needle that girl is.

"You just always feel so safe, that's all."

"That's good, I'll always be safe to you Spence."

I could feel her lips move as she smiled.

"That's good, I don't know what I'd do without you."

She drew her head back and gently put her lips over mine, the taste of Strawberries now mingling with the faint sting of salt. She slowly pulled away, her breath beginning to become normal again.

"I love you Ash. I really do."

I smiled before leaning forward and resting my forehead against hers as I gazed into her eyes, the seas of blue surrounded by a red sunrise all around them.

"I know."

"Don't ever leave me."

I paused for a second. Aren't I supposed to be begging her to stay? I'm the one that should be saying it... right? She mistook my silence for no answer and made a small choking noise as she tried to draw away. My body tensed as I gripped onto her.

"I won't Spencer, I won't."

She looked back at me, her eyes tearing again. I pulled her back down as her body went limp in my arms again, the warm tears beginning their descent to my skin again and eventually settling on my skin.

"I'm right here Spence, I am right here."

And of course, I'm repeating myself. But I guess it's like one time for me, one time for Spence. I have to admit, by now I was worried as hell, she wasn't supposed to be worrying about these kind of things. Not during the summer, and not about me leaving her. I have enough trouble just thinking about leaving her. My hands were stroking through her hair as she continued to cry on me, and as the sun began its sad descent to the other side, I thought I saw a glimpse of eternity on the wavering horizon. The glimpse was this scene right here. Protecting the girl I loved from anything and everything. Until the end of time.

After hours of no talking, I realized she finally had fallen asleep, and I found myself heaving a sigh as I felt her dead weight fall down on me. I really had to pee. My head eventually fell back as I stared at the ceiling. What brought this around? Something was going on, and I'm not so sure I was liking what my mind was turning out. But then again, the scenarios the mind turns out are usually so much worse then what reality has in store. Or was that the opposite? My troubled mind finally let me drift into a fitful sleep as thoughts began to manifest themselves as nightmares and "what ifs". Then, I felt a shaking on my shoulders, and I cried out before the world suddenly dissolved around me, and I was faced with the face of an angel.

"Ash!"

My eyes were cleared of the fog as her face came into focus.

"Spence, you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, it's you I'm worried about."

I let out a sigh as she sat back, her hands lacing through mine as I gazed out the window at the minimal traffic outside our world.

"Talk to me."

I looked to her, her eyes trying to bore into me as I did to her so often.

"What was that about Spencer?"

She locked up and I knew I'd hit a nerve. An uncomfortable silence settled around us like a stifling blanket as we sat there for countless minutes. I was never one to press her, but this was something I needed to know.

"Spencer, what happened? What's wrong?"

She looked up at me, and I saw still more tears. God, this girl could solve all the worlds moisture problems.

"It's just I..."

She choked on the 'I', and I suddenly knew that reality was going to be worse the the minds scenarios.

"When I got home, I just, what's my family going to think of me?"

A knife was now lodged in my heart, and Spencer's hands were gripping the hilt. The family card. Of course I thought she'd figure it out on her own.

"What, are they homophobic or something?"

"No... Just Catholic."

I sighed and drew in a deep breath. This conversation wouldn't end well, it didn't take womens intuition to know it.

"Spencer, it shouldn't matter what your family thinks about you. If they love you enough, they'll get over it. Besides, all that matters is whether or not your ok with it."

The silence came back, and I felt her hands getting ready to begin twisting the knife.

"I don't know what I think anymore Ash. It's just, if my parents don't like it, how is this going to work? How will we see each other?"

I hadn't heard any more then the first sentence before the hands began to turn the knife clockwise. She doesn't know? My anger was beginning to build up as I tried to crush it, this wasn't her fault, of course she'll have misgivings about it.

"So what're you saying Spence?"

I felt the hands preparing to turn the knife another rotation in my chest.

"Nothing. Something. I don't know Ash. I love you, and these feelings are driving me crazy, but what happens if people don't like it?"

My anger had finally reached the apex and I ripped the knife from her hands and my chest, hurling it at the window.

"Who cares what people think Spencer?? It's us, it's who we are, we're in love, it shouldn't concern the bastards out there! There will be people that will hate us, and your going to really give a rat's ass about what they say??"

I had gotten up, dumping her on the couch as I wheeled around on her. She looked up at me in fear, and a part of me died, but my anger was only starting.

"That's what it is isn't it Spence, you care about what other people think! Your the kind of girl that does what other people want you to do, when they say 'Jump', your the one who says 'how high?' When they say 'bark', you say 'how loud?'. Your the kind of girl who _cares_ for Christsake!"

Her eyes were filling with tears, but instead of stopping to comfort her, my fury was re-fueled.

"Do you love me Spencer Carlin?"

She only looked at me.

"You know I do Ash..."

Her voice was barely audible, and by the tones, I should have known to stop, but I was panicking now, she was leaving, and I was doing the only thing I knew how to do; yell.

"Would you love me if people didn't like it? If they said it was disgusting and immoral?"

She stayed silent, and the hands found the knife before reaching around my neck and dragging it from point A to point B.

"WELL DO YOU SPENCER???"

She said nothing, and the tears were streaming again as her body convulsed. I shook my head violently.

"Well, I guess we're done then."

She opened her mouth to speak when a sharp knock interrupted her. Man, I was gonna tear that guy a new asshole. I stormed to the door and wrenched it open to be face to face with the devil. Our eyes met, and I'm sure people in China heard the terrific clash of swords and shields.

"What do you want?"

"Where is she?"

"Who?"

"You know damn well who!! Now move!!"

I was shoved aside as I looked behind her, I saw a cop car just pulling up. Damn it. The cop stepped out and began to walk up the drive as I turned to find the super bitch. I found her hugging a hysterical Spencer on the couch. She pulled away to look at me, but I didn't see the look she gave me, or the words she said, I was concentrated on the girl she had moved from. That wasn't Spencer on the couch. That was a broken shell of what _had_ been Spencer Carlin. The heartless bitch that was Ashley Davies had devoured Spencer and had left this thing in her place. My rage was suddenly gone, as were my grips on reality as the room began to spin wildly. I took a shaky step forward, my arm reaching to Spencer. Her mom slapped it away, but I felt nothing.

"Spence... I."

The cop stood beside me, and I barely registered his words.

"Questioning... Custody... Charges... Restraining orders..."

And just like that, I was gone. When I came to, I was on the couch, the police guy hovering over me like a hawk.

"Ms. Davies?"

I looked up at him, confused as hell.

"At the request of Ms. Carlin, Mrs. Carlin will not be pressing charges, but there is a court date for the restraining order. Here"

He handed me a piece of yellow stock paper printed out in scrawling cursive.

"Good Night Ms. Davies."

And just like that, I was alone.

A/N: Hope it's not too heavy, but somethings have been gnawing at me, and they kinda wormed their way into my writing. Peace guys.


	21. When It Rains

**Jumper**

A/N: I'm kinda scared to write Spencer's perspective on last chapter, I never had an easy time handling sensitive girls views, even if they aren't really real. And I also found out today... 6 WEEKS TILL SEASON 3!!! How come no one has told me?? Well I'll be starting the countdown in all my chapters now, so 47 days till new season of SoN, and I think I have an end to this story on the horizon, potential next week, or two weeks. Well, lets not dwell on the future... Thanks to all my reviewers and readers, you guys are still keeping me going... --Enjoy--

I don't know what happened. It escalated from ok to nuclear in under ten seconds. I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life. I mean, Brad scared me, he almost raped me, but it was for the most part physical, it'll fade, all the bruises and scratches will heal and be gone without a trace. But Ashley, she yelled at me. She screamed at me. She scared me half to death. I won't forget that moment. Her eyes weren't full of love, or hazed over with lust because I stopped her mid kiss, they were full of hatred. She hated me. She looked like I had driven a knife right through her heart and was proceeding to twist it slowly in circles around her heart. I didn't mean anything by what I was saying, I just... I was afraid ok? I was terrified that the people I loved more then anything were going to hate me for who I was.

But am I really gay? I knew these questions would find me, but I expected Ash to be right there to answer them and drive them away, instead, she was screaming and yelling at me. I, my heart broke. I don't feel much of anything right now. If you were to shoot me in the foot, I wouldn't feel a thing, it felt like I'd been gutted and all that was left was a hollow inside, echoing her shouts at me, increasing in intensity as I replayed the scene. I was so angry... But it was true, what she said. I thought she broke me of worrying about other people and what they thought about me, but it was ingraned in me, my mom had taught me that it was everything, what people thought about you, and that's why she wanted me to stay away from Ash, Glen and Clay had told her stories of Ashley Davies wild party escepades and adventures, and I'm sure I might have told her one or two myself. She was so terrified that I'd stop caring, and if I did, she'd lose that death-grip she'd had on me since I was little. But I was weak, and I let her wrap her hands around my neck, soon after Ashley managed to pry them off and keep them off. Now I was suffocating, ten times worse then before I met her, and everything that was normal was now stifling and closing around me.

"Spencer?"

I turned from my thoughts to see my mom, and the sight turned me sick. Her eyes were sunken in, and they gleamed with scheming and secrets. Her face was expressionless, and I realized that I'd left the only person that might have steered me away from that future. The thought hit me like a punch in the face, and it took all of my will to keep myself composed for my mom.

"Yeah mom?"

My voice cracked, and I could feel the tears just screaming to run down my face, but I kept them inside as she sat down beside me. Thank God she was so oblivious.

"I talked to your father. Did you love that girl?"

This was it. Do I lie about everything that my life had become, or do I finally say it?

"More then life itself."

The realization hit me, and the tears finally escaped. My mom stood motionless and I knew she was getting ready to blow up, my ears were already closing themselves, and I felt my systems slowly shut off, backing into myself as I saw her open her gaping mouth.

"Spencer Marie Carlin, you will _never_ see that girl again do you understand me?? NEVER. I will be crucified and hung by my toes like Jesus if you throw away everything I've ever given you on some heathen slut. You will not be going to hell. Not on my watch."

I suddenly remembered a conversation me and Ashley had had before. On the topic of religon. I was trying to explain the whole 'being gay is a ticket to hell' concept, but she couldn't keep a straight face for more then a few seconds.

"_C'mon Ash, listen, it says in the Bible that being gay is a sin, you go to Hell for it."_

_She fixed me with a look that could melt the polar ice caps in seconds as she sat up, sighing._

"_Is that what you think Spence? That what we're doing right now is going to send you to hell?"_

_You could see her mind furiously working on how someone could even arrive at that conclusion, let alone teach it to other people to teach to others._

"_I- It's love, and I don't really think God can say that what we have is a sin."_

_She smiled at me, her mind finally resting._

"_Exactly, so if anyone ever says your going to hell, you just tell em' I went down there cause I was in love with a smokin hot disciple of Satan."_

_I laughed and threw a pillow at her as she dodged it and climbed on top of me, straddling my waist and beginning to work on my button up top._

The conversation made me lightly chuckle, but my mom was too wrapped up in her own speech to notice. All I heard was the tail end of it, followed by a;

"Is that clear?"

I nodded.

"Good, now, I called St. Mary's and they have an opening, so hurry up and get packed, we're leaving tomorrow morning."

I gaped at her as she moved to leave the room.

"What is St. Mary's?"

"A repiration site, they fix girls like you."

My anger suddenly flared up, and I jumped up to talk, but all I saw was her back retreating and closing the door. That was the final straw, I collapsed on my floor, gripping onto my knees as I began to heave, the sobs wracking my body with a terrifying intensity. I needed Ash, I knew I did, I'd been so dumb to leave her, but there was still a part of me that was telling me this would be just what I needed to get my life back on track. I wish I could just choose, but I was never too good at making choices. I always felt like there was too much riding on them. And this time, it was my very heart that was being held at point blank, my own hands itching to pull the trigger.

I did pack, but not before leaving message after message on Ash's phone. All I ever got in response was her voice mail, but even the brief message was soothing to my turbulent mind, her rough voice making me shiver as I remembered the countless things it would tell me as we lay together. The rest of the night passed me faster then any other time had before, and before I knew it, I was getting roughly woken up by my mother with a smug look on her face, knowing this would "fix" me for good. I wish Ash was here. So badly. It had began to rain, and as I made my way outside, I paused in the cold liquid, feeling it burn through my skin as I remembered our first kiss. The passion, that fire that burnt me to even think about. The way she could make me feel like I was the only thing even remotely important within a million mile radius. I heard a car drive by, and my head snapped up as my heart stopped. It was her. In our Porsche. It casually stopped, and I quickly thanked God that my mom was inside getting some coffee.

But even as happy as I was, I found my legs refused to move. I saw the window roll down, and her eyes bored holes into my heart and mind. She gave me the slightest of nods, and I found my legs suddenly free, and before I knew it, I was flying to her car, only stopped by the cold metal and plastic seperating us. I expected her to leap out and crush me in one of her bear hugs, but she made no move, and her face remained neuteral.

"Ash...?"

My voice was like sandpaper being ground on the pavement, and I cringed at it's own roughness. She continued to look at me, her eyes distant.

"Goin somewhere Spence?"

Her voice was cold and distant, and my heart practically shattered. She shrugged, her eyes still emotionless. She held up something, her grey sweatshirt. I choked on a sob and quickly grabbed for it, purposefully brushing my skin against hers in an attempt to incite her to say something.

"I figured you might need it. I hear it gets pretty cold in Heaven."

She slammed on the gas and dashed away, kicking up a spray of water and left me sobbing hysterically as I looked after her car that eventually drove out of sight, disappearing in the thick sheets of grey rain.

"Spencer!"

I turned to see my mom in the doorway, scrutinizing me. She hadn't seen, which meant I could keep the sweatshirt, this little piece of Ashley. I stumbled to the car and collapsed onto the back seat, my mom not paying the slightest attention as she gunned out of the driveway, throwing me this way and that until we finally made our way out of the immediate city and towards the nicer parts, i.e Beverly Hills, and I knew that this place, this wasteland, this Ashley-less place, this was Hell.

A/N: Figured I'd give you guys my complication, now the repiration place isn't a camp, I didn't steal Salvations idea (it's way better first of all), picture it like a Catholic school full of Paula's with rulers and a Bible. Yes, you should all feel bad for Spencer right now.


	22. When Did Your Heart Go Missing?

**Jumper**

A/N: Wow, inspiration is pretty plentiful this week, I think its the whole summer and freedom complex I'm having. Anyway, I didn't mean to make some of you cry, now I feel bad for writing those last two chapters. Sorry. I'm also curious to see who you guys hate more, Ash or Spencer. I know I shouldn't be egging you guys on but still. 46 days till SoN premier. Thanks to my reviewers and readers, we're almost done. --Enjoy--

I don't know what possessed me to drive by her house. Some crazy thought that maybe she did want me back. She did. But, I couldn't process it, that girl was hot and cold with me every second of every day, and I hated it. But I couldn't get enough of her uncertainty, her fear of the unknown, and that's what undid us in the end. I knew it would happen, I called it before our lips even met. And so, the vicious circle began anew, and I had become Spencer's Amanda, and I became the shell of what I'd been, living for the past, and nothing but the past, fearing the daylight, the future, and what lonely prospects it held for me. I think I can finally understand why she shot herself. I'm tempted to everyday I wake up and she's not in my arms. Their so close I can feel the pale metal in my grasp and barely taste the bitter sting of my blood, but I hold out, because there's that part that tells me she will return, and I just have to wait.

Patience is so not my thing. When I went to her house, it looked like they were leaving for somewhere, but I wasn't paying much attention to the car or the bags. Just her. She had returned from the realm of broken hearts, but she wasn't all the way there, she was only partly there. And then I realized, I had some of her heart, and she had all of mine. I almost slammed on the gas when I realized we might never see those pathetic remnants of ourselves ever again. Instead, I switched to bitch mode and probably took the rest of Spence's heart home with me. I gave her my sweatshirt. I would've burned it if I had to look at it for a second more, but I knew she'd have a better use for it. Either for voodoo to make my head explode, or to cling onto it as if it were me. I knew Spence, and I was giving her a piece of me, and if that helped, it would pull her through. God, I can't believe I did that. But, she made me so damn angry, she doesn't know if she'd love me even if people didn't like it? What kind of love is that? That's not real, it's the kind that your comfortable with in closed doors, but out in the world, your ashamed you even entertained the idea of that kind of love. It was Amanda and I's love from so many years ago. I know God is just laughing his fat ass off at me right now while he eats some buffalo wings and watches disintegrate into nothingness again.

My thoughts suddenly turned to the present when I found I had guided myself back to the place I swore I'd never go again. The Evergreen Cemetery. This was where Amanda was buried, 4th row, 3rd to the right. I'd practically lived here when it first happened, but I found myself drifting, and soon, I could care less for what I'd done to her. And in a matter of months, Aiden, and hard alcohol and crazy parties, I could barely remember her face. But now, the memories flared up again, and the thousands of deep and meaningful conversations hit me full force, and I felt my legs guiding me to a spot of grass, still not quite as green as the surrounding areas, a result from the constant stream of tears that never ceased. I sat down in the same spot, my back resting against another tombstone as I gazed at her. Her smiling face was all I could see, and her voice filtered into my head like liquid sunshine. And I could feel her almost sitting right next to me, her arm looped around my shoulders and pulling me closer as she told me a story about her countless brothers and sisters, or how much she loved looking at me. I remembered a talk we'd had, it was a little while before the fight.

"_What's love?"_

_Her piercing green eyes turned to me, and I could swear she was reading my soul as easy as a nursery rhyme. _

"_Your asking like we haven't had this conversation before."_

"_I know, but still, I like how you explain it."_

_She smiled that beautiful smile of hers and drew me closer until we were entertwined beyond recognition, and you couldn't quite tell who was who in that tangled mess of sprawled limbs._

"_Ok, well, love is like this amazing disease, it can cure you of anything in the world, but it can somehow drain your will to live, and can go from one end to the other in seconds."_

"_Is there a cure for when it makes you sick?"_

_She smiled again, gazing at the slowly sinking sun, setting the sky on fire as she exhaled a deep breath._

"_Yes."_

_I looked up at her, we hadn't talked about this aspect of love before. She was still gazing at the sun, almost as if reading into a different time, hundreds of years away._

"_There's that one person that can cure you of anything, even a broken heart."_

"_Just one person?"_

"_Yeah, it's just one person that can wipe your slate clean and have you start over again, make you forget anything before them, and care less about anything after them."_

"_Have you met yours yet?"_

"_Yes, she's wrapped up in me right now."_

_She grinned down at me, and I smiled back, even as questions began to churn in my mind. Amanda didn't make me feel like that. Like a clean start. Is that bad? I opened my mouth to ask, but she beat me to it._

"_You might not feel like it right at this instant, or maybe not at all, but that doesn't matter, because we still love each other, it doesn't matter if I'm not the one for you, we still love each other more we could ever try and fathom. That's all that matters."_

_She leaned down to kiss me, just as a light rain began to fall._

It had began to rain again, it would soon start pouring, but the memories wouldn't stop flowing, all of them happy and care-free. Until the fight. I didn't want to remember it, I didn't want to relive the sound of two hearts shattering simultaneously, but it hit me anyway, and the scene flashed before me like an old school horror movie.

"_So what're you saying Ash? You don't want me?"_

_Her face fell, and I knew that this was it._

"_I just, it's not right, Amanda, I've been around some people, and it's-. It's just not right."_

_Tears began to stream down her face, and I knew I'd done what I swore I'd never do. I'd ripped out someone's heart and put it through a paper shredder._

"_You just can't face it, can you?"_

_The question hit me like an axe._

"_What?"_

"_You get around ignorant people who don't understand what it's like to be in love, to have what we have, and once your around them enough, you start thinking what they think! What kind of love is nice and comfy in private, but ashamed and shy in public?? What kind of love is that Ashley?"_

_I could see the gaping hole in her chest beginning to grow. A stifling silence fell like a shot corpse, laying around us._

"_That's exactly it."_

_Her voice was scratchy, and barely above a whisper. She looked up at me, and her eyes were bloodshot and red, tears still flowing down her cheeks._

"_I was an experiment. The love we had, it wasn't real. I knew it, I just hoped that you'd prove me wrong."_

_I took a step forward, but she didn't acknoweledge my move._

"_I love you Ash."_

_My breathing stopped. That wasn't how she usually said it. It was bitter, and sad, and moreover, it sounded like a goodbye._

"_Amanda..."_

"_No! No more pretending Ashley, do you love me??"_

"_I- Of course I do, but-"_

"_Would you love me even if people didn't like it?"_

_I paused, and in that moment, I knew that we were finished. _

I stopped the picture there, unable to continue through the rest of the memory, the conclusion of it stung. I knew what it felt like to be that heart-broken girl. Now I knew. But I couldn't end up like Amanda. I _couldn't_. Then, an idea hit me. I quickly pulled out my cell-phone, feeling a little guilty as I dialed Spencer's number in front of Amanda's grave. I paused before I hit the 'call' button and put my hand on the tombstone. I leaned down in front of it, putting my phone aside and hugging the stone, the tears blending with the light rain now all around us. I drew back and smiled before kissing my right hand and putting it on her name.

"I loved you, I did, but there's someone else now, and I want her as much as you wanted me. Forgive me? Please?"

All I got in response was the wind gently stirring the sea of grass around me and the giant oak branch behind me. I smiled again, wiping off my tears and again grabbing my phone and hitting the 'call' button. After two rings, a man picked up the phone.

"_Hello?"_

"Is Spencer there?"

"_No... She left."_

The three words rang in my head. Left? No...

"Where'd she go?"

"_Away."_

Whoever was talking was starting to bug me. Then it hit me. This was her father. The one without the backbone and guts enough to divorce the super-bitch. Work fast Ash.

"Mr. C, this is Ashley, listen, I need to know where she took Spencer, I need her."

There was silence before I heard him draw in breath.

"_The Ashley? I feel like I'm talking to God. Her mom took her to St. Mary's"_

I froze. Oh, I know St. Mary's.

"_I know, I had the same response. I take it you know where she's at. Please, just promise me you won't hurt her."_

He sounded hopeless, and my heart broke more, if possible, so Spence did tell someone. I sighed loudly, my mind furiously racing.

"I won't ever do it again, Mr. C, trust me."

I could practically hear the smile in his voice.

"_That's all I ask, good luck."_

We both hung up, my calm feeling replaced by sheer panic. I threw my phone halfway across the field, cracking against a tombstone of some WW2 veteran before shouting at the sky;

"FUCK A DUCK!"

Thunder struck after the sentence, and I knew this was not going to be easy. My parents had sent me to St. Mary's for a little while before I set my room on fire, getting me out of there and into therapy. Long story short, that place is full of Super Bitches, and they can crack the strongest of girls and "fix" them. My mind was working fast as I ran to pick up my phone, calling Aiden quickly. He picked up the phone after the second ring, and I almost screamed in happiness.

"Aiden!"

"_The one and only, who's this?"_

"It's Ash, listen, you want to help me with something?"

I heard silence, my mind now trying to think about what always got Aiden on board.

"I will have free booze in the car, and you can help me break into a school filled with a bunch of desperate gay girls."

"_Sweet!! Sign me up!"_

I hung up, quickly running to the cemetery gates, pausing to look back at Amanda's grave. I knew which one it was, but the writing was a blur to me without my contacts. I gave her a lopsided grin before running to my car and gunning out of the parking lot, almost killing a funeral procession on it's way to the cemetery, and off to Aiden's house. When I arrived, he was in camo pants and a dark sweatshirt, his face smeared with dark paint and wearing a Rambo bandana. I rolled my eyes as he ran up, jumping into the car as we headed off to my house. We got there in record time as I quickly ran inside, leaving Aiden outside to formulate our "plan". I quickly got into the alcohol room and grabbed a case of nameless beer and some tequila before throwing on a dark sweatshirt and a pair of jeans. I was back outside and loading up the Land Rover with the alcohol and various things we'd need. We were back out on the road as we slowly changed lanes over, heading to the heart of Beverly Hills to save my one and only Spence.

A/N: That's right... Operation Idiots!!! And don't ask about the whole fuck a duck thing, long story...

I'll update after I hit up the gym and take a showah.


	23. Running Up That Hill

**Jumper**

A/N: To Spashley07, I'm entertaining some ideas for a sequel or potential prequel to this, and millions of other little oneshots and whatnot, so you won't be rid of me for long. Thanks to my reviewers and readers, I know, I'm making you guys do a lot of reading this week. You'll thank me later :P. --Enjoy--

I was having another dream. A dream about her. About our fight. About our time together. About the emotions that could drive me to the brink of insanity when she was around, and how I loved the feeling of being crazy. Crazy about her. Just as she was about to lean down to kiss me, I was being shaken out of my dreams and thrust back into harsh reality.

"Spencer!"

The nasally voice of my mother finally did the trick, and I was up as soon as she had said the first syllable. She made it sound so rough and uneven. Whenever Ash said it, it was like liquid silver flowing out of her mouth, it rolled softly from her tongue and out towards me, wrapping me in a blanket of safety. I clenched onto the tattered grey sweatshirt harder, what I wouldn't give to hear her say my name at that very moment. My mother noticed (shocker I know) and looked at me worriedly.

"Where'd you get that tattered thing at?"

Of course it's concerning the sweatshirt.

"I- I found it in my closet. It's comfy."

It's a miracle she believed me, but she backed off, leaving the door open as she began to lift my bags from the back of the truck bed. I slowly crawled out, suddenly hit with a gust of wind that made me shiver, and I was half tempted to turn to my side and ask for a hug. I turned from my memory and looked up at the dark building looming before me. It was a Gothic style building, with rough ramparts and strange shapes jutting out everywhere. I shivered slightly at it, and wished Ash was there to hold my hand whisper in my ear. I quickly donned the sweatshirt, my mind almost immediately halting as soon as the smell of Vanilla and Lilacs floated to me. I smiled into the warm material, still retaining her warmth somehow, and making the world seem just a little smaller.

"Well come on now Spencer, we have to meet Mother Catherine."

I could already see an exact replica of my mom standing before me with a ruler in hand and dressed in nun clothes. I smiled again, following her up the steps and into the school. The halls were empty, and I had the feeling that they were always this devoid of life. We went through hall after hall after hall, all equally empty. Every classroom we passed, I could hear shouting and replies in unison, and sometimes the sharp rap of an object. Guess I was right about the ruler thing. Suddenly, mom turned to a door, opening it slowly, and I got another feeling that she'd been here before. That made me feel even more uneasy if possible. She motioned for me to follow, and I entered an immaculate room, with nothing out of place, and an old woman sitting in the chair, just as motionless as the rest of the room. For a second I thought she was made out of wax.

She suddenly stood up, a smile (if you could call it that) appearing on her face as she rounded her massive desk. She briefly shook hands with my mom, quickly withdrawing her hands, almost as if afraid of getting some sort of disease from touching another woman. I am so screwed. She then turned to fix her gaze on me, almost as if reading me, but unlike when Ash did it, I only felt a chill run throughout me, and not the good kind.

"So, you are Spencer."

Her voice cracked and ground, and she made my name sound like some sort of rattling that goes on inside a rusted pipe. I mechanically nodded as she continued to observe me.

"Your mother tells me you 'love' a girl."

"Yes."

The answer was out before I had time to stop it. I was about to apologize when I stopped. No, I won't ever regret loving her, never. She chuckled at me (if you could call it that) and finally fixed her gaze on my mother, who I noticed all shared a shiver.

"We'll fix that yet, Paula, you know the rest."

She nodded before turning to me and giving me a forced hug and kiss on the cheek. Her lips were so cold compared to Ash's, so devoid of life or emotion. She left, leaving me alone with Mother Catharine, and I had the urge to throw myself out of the window. She turned to regard me again.

"In this school, you will be taught about this disease, and how to overcome it and cure it. Within six weeks, you should be cured and released back to your parents."

I'm sure my eyes increased in size ten-fold. A disease? Their passing this off as an ailment? How the hell are they actually getting people to send their kids here? She gave me a smug look before sitting back down in her over-sized seat.

"You won't believe me right now, but we've cured everyone that's enrolled here, one way or another."

"Not all of them."

She stopped, and turned to stare at me, her gaze enough to crack stone into itty bitty pieces. I remember Ash mentioning this place, she said it was where she started her fascination with fire and its properties.

"Ah, so _she _sent you here. Wouldn't be the first time a Davies girl has been enrolled here."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly as I said it, we couldn't cure her, but she always sends us a new girl every now and then, they break so easily."

I stood in disbelief. Was this place even legal? She smirked at me.

"That is all, report to your sixth period class please, we will search your luggage before bringing it up to your room."

She reached into a drawer and withdrew a set of keys and a small notecard, sliding them across the desk to me.

"That is your room key, room 409, and there is your schedule, you do not have to dress in uniform today, but I expect you to be fitted and have them on by tomorrow."

I said nothing, but grabbed my key and card before marching to the door. I was halfway out the door when the voice called out to me.

"Do you really think she loves you?"

I turned to look at her with that same smirk on again.

"That's a part of the cure, taking away your false hope and pretenses, we show you the truth, nothing more, nothing less."

Tears stung my eyes, but I said nothing as I exited, her words spinning in my head as I tried to squash them. There was no way any of what she said was true. There couldn't be. Ash wouldn't do those things... Would she? Doubt began to course throughout my blood, and my mind was racing. I glanced down at the card to see "Science of the Cure 101" and looked at it skeptically. Their serious? Room 211. I wandered down the halls until I found it, and the discovery was accompanied by a sharp rapping and shrill yelling. I took a deep breath as I steadied myself, sending out a small prayer to Ashley to come get me before stepping inside.

The class-room was stark white, filled with 30 or so girls, all in plaid skirts and white button up shirts with ties. The class stopped, all turning at the same time to face me. I could feel my cheeks flame up, I had never been good at standing in front of a lot of people. The teacher (a nun, what a shocker!) turned to regard me with that same cold, calculating look on her face.

"And you are?"

Why do all these nuns have such weird voices??

"Spencer Carlin... I'm new here."

She gave me a strange expression as if to say "duh". I handed her my schedule before she motioned for me to stand in front of the class, all eyes still on me. I kept my eyes to the ground, trying to concentrate on the sweatshirt as I burrowed further into it, trying desperately to summon Ashley to me, to punch all those girls in the faces and lift me up to take me anywhere but here. But nothing happened, and I was still in that same dammed room.

"Class, this is Spencer Carlin, she will be joining us every sixth period from now on. Say hi, girls."

All at once, I heard the 'hi' in chorus. I let out a small sigh, that's all they did here, brainwashed them until all they could think, breath, or live was "straight".

"You can have a seat towards the back in that empty seat next to Emily."

I saw a girl raise her head in the middle of the sea of plaid, and I quickly made my way to her, slumping down in my desk as the teacher turned to write something on the board.

"First time here?"

I looked over to see Emily staring at me, her eyes scanning over me once before turning to look at my sweatshirt.

"I know that sweatshirt."

I looked at her curiously as she continued staring at my sweatshirt.

"Ash got you sent here didn't she."

I looked at her, mildly uncomfortable at how everyone here seemed to know things about Ashley that I didn't even know existed about her. She sighed as the teacher turned quickly, surveying the class before turning back to the board. Emily leaned back over to me, her eyes glimmering.

"How is she?"

I was uncertain on how to proceed, maybe she was some crazy Ashley stalker. I decided to keep it vague enough.

"She's... good."

She smiled lightly before turning back.

"That's good, if you ever get out of here, tell her I still love her."

My stomach fell, I wasn't anything to her. Now I realized it. I leaned back in my chair, causing it to squeak as my eyes struggled to hold the massive amount of water in my eyes at bay. The teacher suddenly side-stepped, hitting the board with a metal clicky pointer, making me jump as everyone looked at her writing (if you could call it that.)

THE CURE

"Now, lets recite it one more time, and help get Spencer introduced to it."

I groaned as the class as a whole began reciting what I'm assuming is "the cure", tuning everything out as my world began to fold in on itself.

A/N: Ok, I'm out, my thoughts are starting to get the best of me, and I'm really starting to miss someone... Peace guys


	24. Crushcrushcrush

**Jumper**

A/N: Ok, I realize their might be inconsistencies with the time frames between Spence getting there and Ash going to rescue her. So I figure Spence left at 7:00 AM, and it took all day till maybe 2:00 PM, and Ash left at like 10 AM and will be getting there eventually, I have no idea where they live in relation to Beverly Hills, so just roll with it and imagine Ash getting stuck in tons of traffic and screaming and cursing at people while Spence is in class. Thanks to my reviewers and readers, we're getting there, its time for Operation Idiot!! --Enjoy--

I knew I had to work fast, but I wasn't going fast enough, I was stuck in the carpool lane, screaming at the bus driver in front of me. I let out a loud sigh as I saw Aiden crack open another bottle of beer. He turned to look at me, stopping mid-swig to stare at me. I got annoyed as the bus finally started moving, glaring at him briefly before cutting in front of the bus and getting into a traffic free section.

"You were there once, weren't you?"

I turned to see Aid still looking at me, his eyes thoughtful. I half smiled, remembering my time spent there, and praying to some being that lived up there to keep Spence strong. I cursed again as we got stuck behind a big-rig, once again pausing us. The sun would be setting soon, and I was beginning to panic.

"Weren't you Ash?"

I saw he was still scrutinizing me and sighed again.

"Yeah, Aid, I was there for a week."

"She's gonna find out you know."

I looked at him as he turned his attention to his half empty can. My mind was blanking out.

"She couldn't no one's been there since..."

"Emily, yeah, but she never got out. Neither did Casey or Kate."

"I- What're you saying?"

"You should've told her when you had a chance, you know how those girls get when you come up in conversation."

"Yeah, how could I forget when there was an all girls smackdown on my front lawn."

He smiled, and I couldn't help but laugh myself, we both watched from the porch when it happened. The mood suddenly sobered up as the big-rig finally moved, and I slammed on the gas, our exit coming up. By now, the sky was crimson, and I knew we'd be hard pressed for time.

"I'll figure out what to tell Spence later."

"Better make it good, she isn't dumb y'know."

I smirked, finally catching sight of the exit that would let us off and get me that much closer to Spence.

"Don't I know it Aid, don't I know it."

The rest of the drive was spent talking about the plan and getting ourselves physced up. As serious as the situation was, I will admit it, I was pretty excited to break into St. Mary's. It had always been one of those hoodlum daydreams that came to me every now and then. We finally arrived, driving casually past the grounds, now swarming with girls in the normal attire, the short skirts and way too tight button up shirts with the ties. I could see Aiden starting to pant, and I knew I should've brought the shock collar along. The place hadn't changed. It still looked like a Gothic church from the 1st century, the grass was still as green as green could get, and the girls still looked like they were slowly but surely dying, along with their hope of ever getting out. This place could break the most stubborn and strong girl in a matter of weeks, it's still a miracle I survived. As far as I'm concerned, the dorms and everything else should be the same, as well as the lack of security cameras and lax guards. It was surprising how much you could get away with. I think it was some sort of reverse physcology thing, you do enough of the sneaking around and making out in each other's room and you sick of it. I never did, but its just a thought.

We finally got to the end of the grounds and pulled into a neighborhood behind it, parking the car and climbing out, walking to the trunk and opening it to look at we had. I'd been kind of rushed in my "Save Spencer" mode. Aiden was now fully drooling, and I could see the scenario playing in his head, complete with scantily clad girls screaming for him to save them as he made something explode while dramatic music played in the background. I had to slap him on the head to get him out of Rambo mode.

"Down boy, we still have to wait till it's dark."

"Awww, you sure we couldn't charge it right now?"

"No."

He gave me a small pout before turning to look back at the stuff. 

"Where'd you get this stuff from anyway?"

I smirked before closing the trunk again, but not before grabbing a can of beer and taking a long drink, trying to calm my nerves.

"I'm Ashley Davies, how can I not have that stuff?"

He grinned before taking out a pack of cigarettes, lighting one up before offering me one. I shook my head, taking another drink from my can. He gave me an incredulous look.

"You've always smoked Ash, what's up with that?"

"Spence got me to quit."

He was still looking at me as I finished my beer, crunching it up and tossing it out into the middle of the street.

"What? That shit's bad for you anyway."

"Like you ever cared. God, what'd Spence do to you?"

I was starting to get angry, why does everyone ask that? She just saw what was underneath everything, most people never saw it, and when they did, they thought it was her fault.

"Don't talk about her like that Aid, you know how I get."

"You never got that defensive when I was brought up."

"It's cause your an idiot, now shut up, I'm trying to remember where Emily's room is."

"Why Emily?"

"Because she knows everything that goes on there, she'll know where Spence is at."

"What makes you think she of all people would help you? You dumped her ass and left her to get hauled off."

"I made a mistake, people can understand that of all things."

He sighed, finishing his cigarette before dropping it and smashing it with his toe.

"Well, Spence isn't like everyone else Ash, you should remember that."

I said nothing, my mind flipping over and over as the sun began to gently set until we were steeped in dusk. Finally, Aiden turned, looking at me, his eyes shining in the light from the lamp above us.

"Get your game face on, we're gonna bust into a lezzy school!"

I laughed, throwing my empty can into the small pile now in the street, re-opening the trunk to see what we would need. I proceeded to start handing things to Aid who put it inside a black backpack . Finally, we turned to inspect the backpack and make sure we had everything.

"Flashlights?"

"Check."

"Rope?"

"Check."

"Crowbar?"

"Check."

"Lighter?"

"Check."

"Beer?"

"Check."

"Walkie Talkies?"

"Check."

"Digital camera to capture my exploits and put them up on myspace?"

"Oh shut it you idiot, we have everything."

He grinned, pulling on a ski mask and cracking his knuckles

"Is the ski mask _really_ neccessary?"

"Sure! I don't want anyone to know my secret identity as I liberate the girls!"

"Why did I date you Aiden?"

"Because I've got a great ass."

"Something like that, c'mon meathead, let's go."

I shouldered the backpack and we began our walk/run to the school, pausing as we got to the gates, scanning the grounds for people. Aside from the 2 or 3 girls making out by a tree, we were clear. We hopped over the fence and hid behind a bush, running through the plan one more time.

"Ok, do you understand the plan?"

He nodded.

"Tell me what we do one more time Aid."

"We... we split up, and I go pick up some hot gay girls, and I start a distraction if necessary while you break into the school and get to Emily's room, find out where Spence is, and then we get her and drive away."

I patted him on the head as I stood up, stretching my legs as I prepared to sprint across the lawn.

"Have your walkie talkie on, and don't get caught Rambo Jr."

He saluted me, grabbing 2 beers from the backpack before handing it to me. A sucked in a deep breath, slightly coughing at the acidic taste that invaded my system as I pictured Spence's face in my head one more time before leaping over the bush and sprinting across the lawn. I heard Aiden yelling something and prayed that God would smite him. I reached the side of the school ok, pressing myself up against as I caught my breath. I saw Aiden heading for the group of girls having a grope-fest against a tree, and laughed to myself, picturing how that would play it out. I quickly put my head towards the task ahead and creeped around the corner, looking for the window with the all the plants hanging off of it, that was Emily's. I found it, but suddenly realized it was on the fourth story and cursed my crappy memory. I sighed heavily, looking around once more time before jogging back to the front entrance. I prayed that the old janitor was still employed, he never locked the front door. I lightly jiggled the handle, finding it clicking open. I did my victory dance on the steps and quickly bolted inside, gently closing it and looking for the stairs. I found them right where they'd always been, last opening on the right and jogged up the stairs, my heart stopping every time the old thing would creak. I guess I was pretty out of shape, cause I was out of breath by the second story, and on the brink of passing out by the time I got to the fourth floor. Damn nuns still haven't gotten around to installing the elevator.

I quickly composed myself, walking quitely to Emily's room, lightly knocking on it. I waited several minutes, tapping my foot faster until it finally opened. It was like looking at a ghost, and I could see the past I'd buried here so long ago rise up from the dead, intent on draining me of all my blood.

"You gonna just stand there all day, or let me in?"

I cringed at how rough my voice sounded, as she stepped aside and creaked the door open. I entered the room to see it still hadn't changed a bit. I heard the door softly close as warm hands slid around my waist. I pushed them off, hitting the lights, revealing a tangled mess of girls in a heap on the floor. I couldn't help it, but a grin broke out on my face, ah, those were the days.

"So why'd you come back Ash?"

I turned to finally get a good look at her. She had grown out her hair slightly, but everything was still the same. And those eyes hadn't changed in the least. Spence's was a light, clear blue, but Em's had always been a darker, more turbulent color, and I likened it to the sky during a thunder storm. I could still see the passion there, waiting to ignite back into a fire. They still hadn't broke her.

"For that new playtoy?"

And of course, I forgot the biting wit she was equipped with. That paired with the eyes and body always made a dangerous combo.

"She's not a playtoy. It's real now Em."

"So we weren't?"

I sighed, my anger beginning to build again. That girl is as stubborn as it gets.

"I don't know anymore Emily, it was a long time ago, can't you forget about it?"

"It was real to me Ash."

I shook my head, and I could see that raw lust that I used to love starting to build up in her eyes.

"Em, now is not the time, if I had wanted you back, I woulda busted you out ages ago."

"Did you keep in touch with any of us?"

"How could I Em? They screened all the mail to make sure I didn't 'corrupt' you guys anymore."

"You could've found a way to beat it! You always used to."

"Emily, please, I just wanna know where Spence is, and I swear to God, you'll never see me again."

It happened so fast, I didn't have time to properly react until I was against the wall, her hands beginning to work their way up my shirt. As bad as I knew this was, I was enjoying it more then I'll ever admit. I hadn't gotten _anything_ with Spence, and I can't help it if I've got a big appetite. God, that sounded shallow and slutty. I quickly pushed her off me, the feeling of her lips still on mine, and I felt my resistance break down a little bit. I did miss her. She wouldn't ever know, but I did.

"I want to see you again Ash."

My mind was pulling up blanks.

"Emily, it's been a year! If I really wanted you, loved you, I would've come back for you! Get over me, I've been over you! I have Spencer now, and I love her, I really love her! Just get over me please, your killing yourself."

I saw tears begin to build in her eyes and lightly sighed. I'm really good at making girls cry. I reached out to touch her shoulder, but she pulled away, her tears spilling over.

"I love you Ash! Please, tell me what I did wrong! I'll fix it, I will. Just tell me what I did!"

I sighed again, God really was not liking me this month.

"Tell me Ashley!"

I drew in another breath, fighting my own tears, I had never admited this to anyone, not even Emily herself.

"Em... You didn't do anything, I just got..."

I trailed off, I was such a bitch.

"You what Ash?"

"I got bored ok! You were perfect, and I hated it! I need chaos, I need challenges, there wasn't anything wrong with you, and that's why I dumped you! I couldn't take what you were giving me."

She stood in mute silence.

"Emily, please, you can make this all stop, just tell me where she is."

"She's in room 409, down the hall."

Her voice was cracking, and I knew I'd broken another heart. I gulped loudly, preparing to leave.

Em, I'm sorry,but you have to get over this, get over me, I wasn't ever any good for you anyway, all we did was have sex and do drugs. That's not real."

I turned to leave, but I felt a warm hand on my arm.

"It was real to me Ash."

The tears burned my eyes, but I refused to let them fall.

"I love you Emily, don't ever think I didn't or don't, I will always love you."

She smiled at me through her tears and released me to go, calling out to me in a scratchy voice;

"I told her everything Ash, she needed to know."

I turned to see tears streaming down her face, as she slowly closed the door, leaving me feeling heartless and cold in the hall. I was tempted to scream at the top of my lungs, but I killed the instinct, looking wildly for 409. I ran down the hall, pausing with my hand on the door knob. _Dear God, all I want you to do for me is to have her forgive me, and I will never ask for anything else. _I took a deep breath, opening the door.

A/N: OOOO, and the plot thickens, I was thinking about sticking in some dialogue with Casey and Kate (Ash's other girls), but I figured that would confuse some people too much, so that's what I've got. Things are gonna get intense, be sure to put your tray in the upright position. Peace, I'm off to listen to some SOTD and bang my head on the wall.


	25. Send My Love to the Dancefloor

**Jumper**

A/N: Hey all, I am also happy because there is a Paramore following here, thank God, it's almost like living with a huge extended family who gets all my inside jokes and whatnot. Now that I feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside... on with the chapter!! Thanks to all my reviewers and readers, you guys are awesome, and I love all the predictions and input on Emily, the real life Emily is just as weird and emotional, and little bit kniving, that part of her I kinda fabricated :P. Sorry I didn't put this up last night, I went to a bonfire and didn't get in till later, so 2 chapters for an apology today. --Enjoy--

The rest of the class dragged by, and I found that none of the incoming words or sentences formed any coherent thought whatsoever inside my head. She lied to me? She's had other girl friends? And who the hell is this Emily girl?? Her words barely processed in my head, she loved her? Still? What's going on here? The bell rang, dismissing me from my thoughts for a time as I left the room, searching for the dorms. Hopefully, everything got through ok, and I burrowed further into the sweatshirt, regardless of my wild feelings for the owner. My confusion must have been apparent, because that Emily girl found me, gently smiling as she steered me away from the huge mass of school girls. She pulled me aside to a set of lockers, her eyes scanning me again, making me shiver under her look. For some odd reason, her eyes reminded me of Ash's, the built up lust boiling in them, and the fire and passion that was there for those who cared to look. She finally finished her inspection and stepped back.

"So what's your room number?"

Her voice was low and scratchy and caused me to think back to Ash's own raspy voice, quickly shaking myself out of my thoughts.

"Um, it's... room 409."

"On the top floor, I'm down the hall from you, c'mon I'll show you."

I rolled my eyes at her turned back, and I briefly paused, was that jealousy coursing through my veins and compelling me to slam her head into a locker repeatedly? I quickly followed after, jogging up 4 sets of stairs, becoming winded by the third set. Emily paused and looked back at me, her eyes shining, and for a moment I could see her considering pushing me down the stairs headfirst. She merely laughed before turning back around.

"It gets easier after a while, I guess the nuns are fans of physical labor as well."

I forced a laugh before continuing on. I was on the verge of collapsing by the end, leaning against the wall as Emily laughed again. She motioned to the left, leading me to a brown-ish door with the number 409 above it, opening it to reveal a rather white room, covered in posters and paintings of everything imaginable. She stepped in and closed the door behind us. My stuff was sitting on and around a bed close to the window, and I was sure nothing was in the same condition it had arrived in. At least I hadn't brought any pictures of Ash, I probably would've been mobbed by nuns.

"Your lucky, you get to room with Casey, she's way cool."

"She an artist?"

"Yeah, all she does is paint and take pictures really. She's really nice."

"That's cool, thanks for showing me where my room was."

"No problem, if you ever need anything, just ask me or Casey, we'll both help."

I nodded my head, smiling before she got up and left. I had the sudden urge to throw something breakable or scream until my lungs collapsed upon Emily's leaving. I did nothing of the sort, but I really wanted to. "The Cure" wouldn't be the end of me, Ash's secrets would be if anything. I heaved a sigh, falling down onto my bed as I tried to exhale everything that I'd taken in today. With no such luck, I continued to stare at the white ceiling until I heard the door creaking open again and quiet steps into the room. I looked over to see a girl with red hair looking at me in the same manner that Emily had, and as soon as her eyes fell onto the sweatshirt, I thought I heard her gasp. If I ever see Ash again, I will throwing her off the roof.

"Hey, I'm Casey."

She walked up and shook my hand as she stood back and continued to watch me.

"Spencer."

"This your first time here?"

"Yeah."

"Ash sent you here."

I sighed again, turning back to looking at the ceiling, as my frustration boiled over.

"Am I missing something?"

I turned to look at Casey, her eyes still on me. She had light green eyes that seemed to stare a hole right through me as she wrung her hands.

"Casey?"

She slowly met my gaze, her eyes flickering around uncertainly.

"Um, I don't know if I should be the one telling you all this, Em should probably be talking to you about everything."

"Why? What's Emily got that's so important?"

"Nothing... it's just she..."

"She what??"

She stopped and quickly looked to the floor. I sighed again, looking this way and that, praying that someone would jump out of the walls and shoot me now.

"Sorry, Casey, I've just been kinda edgey lately."

She smiled at me before going over to her bed, kicking off her shoes and falling onto the bed.

"Yeah, this place does that too, regardless of ex girlfriends and what not."

I smiled before returning to look at the ceiling.

"So how long have you been here Casey?"

"I'm not sure actually, I don't have a calendar or anything to keep track of time. I think half a year or so."

"Didn't they say that it only takes 6 weeks?"

"If their convinced, if they believe you could be 'helped' further, they keep you here for as long as they want."

"Wow, I'm shocked this place actually exists. I thought there would some kind of law about this."

She laughed, turning over to look at me.

"Not when it comes to gays."

I sucked in a deep breath. She continued to look at me as recognition dawned on her face.

"Oh... she never really told you how to come out, so when it came time to do it, you screwed it up."

My smile turned upside down in seconds.

"You make it sound like this happens a lot..."

She shrugged before getting up to go to an easel on the other side of the room.

"Again, talk to Emily, that girl is God at this school."

I stood up, walking over to her and watching as she quickly moved her brush up and down.

"Where's Emily at?"

"Her room."

"Which is..."

"403."

"Thanks, Casey."

I opened the door before slamming it shut and making my way to 403. Why are all the girls that Ash has seemingly dated all weird? If their all weird, what does that make me? I stopped at the door of 403, hearing loud music before knocking on the door. It was opened after a minute or two by Emily, now in a tank top and shorts. She stepped back, letting me into her room. I coughed as soon as I stepped foot, the room slightly smokey and smelling like weed. I wheeled around as she lit up again, grabbing a beer from some mysterious nook and handing one to me as she grabbed another. Remembering what happened before when beer was involved, I gently put it back on the shelf behind her as she opened hers and took a long drink. Finishing, she turned to look at me.

"So... what can I do for you... Spencer right?"

"Yeah."

"So what's up?"

"Why does everyone here know Ash?"

She paused for a moment as she took a drag and a drink, expelling a cloud of foul smelling air. I coughed again and backed up to the bed as she remained in place.

"That girl is a legend here. She's the only one since this place has been founded that has never left, fully 'cured'. They actually kicked her out, another first too. Set her room on fire after the first week."

"Yeah, I know all that, why does everyone here seem to have _dated_ Ashley?"

"There's actually only 3 here right now that have dated her. I'm sure there's been more though. It's me, Casey, and another girl, Kate."

I sat in silence as she finished her beer and smashed the cigarette butt into the carpet. This place was really a fire waiting to happen.

"She gets around Spence, you should know that by now."

I said nothing, the room was starting to spin, and I wasn't sure if I was high from the fumes or my world was beginning to implode.

"She keeps this place up and running with all the girls she sends here."

My anger was starting to boil, and the room was definitely doing 360's.

"And it's always the same things, you know, they all say 'she said she loved me', and 'what we had was special', y'know, all the normal stuff. She gets whoever she wants to. And half the time, it's poor, unsuspecting, straight, Christian girls who do their time and leave. She has the oddest tastes, I mean she goes from me to you. How does that work?"

I finally stood up, making the room spin faster as I stumbled to the door. I heard her laughter filter in though my haze as I grabbed for the doorknob.

"You thought she loved you, oh, you poor thing. You were just a good lay till I got out. She loved me."

I finally found the doorknob, practically ripping the door open, pausing with the door halfway open. Emily turned to face me, her eyes mocking and full of fire that I would've loved to douse in water. I raised a shaky finger, locking eyes with the devil itself.

"Fuck. You."

I slammed the door shut, hearing more laughter from the other side of the door. I stumbled back to my room, near hysterical. I collapsed onto the bed and was out for God knows how long, probably missing Casey's pleads to get me up, dinner, and lights out. When I came to, I was alone in the dark room, and my head was pounding. I flipped over onto my back as I looked to the window, slightly open and letting a cool wind enter and leave. I walked to the window and opened it wider, sticking my head outside and letting loose and huge yell, probably shaking the foundations of the world before letting myself flop over, halfway in the room and halfway out. I looked to the stars, pleading with some foreign being to take me far, far away. I felt hollow on the inside, Emily's words ringing in my head as Ash's last words to me played in front of me like a silent movie.

I heard a violent banging on the door, but didn't move to answer it. The knocking continued as I continued to stare out the window. The knocking stopped, and I thought I heard voices, but tuned everything out, still looking at the sky, searching for stars. And of course, as soon as I started finding them, I went back to the night on that hill with Ash, looking at the stars. I wasn't even aware of the tears until I felt the breeze begin to dry them on my cheek, causing me to shiver slightly. Suddenly, I felt a pair of warm arms slide around my waist, clasping themselves in front of my stomach. I couldn't help the smile that found its way to my face, it probably wasn't even her, just another dream. Suddenly, I felt warm breath playing over my ear, causing me to jump violently.

"Better?"

I spun around in her arms, latching onto whoever it was like it was the last hug I'd ever give. All I felt the arms do was gather me up into them, lifting me up until my legs were securely around their waist and my face buried in their shoulder. My body was shaking as hard as it ever had, and I was crying probably gallons onto this persons shirt. Suddenly, the smell of vanilla and Lilacs hit me like a train, and I only started crying harder, it was Ashley. She did come back. We stood like that for what felt like hours, and I have no idea how much I cried, but finally, my endless tears ran out, and we stood in silence, wrapped up in each other. I finally leaned back and stared at her. Her eyes looked teary as well, and I could see the door wide open with several people watching us. I could see Casey and Emily outside, and if Ash weren't there, I would've ripped Emily's head off in seconds.

Then I remembered everything that Emily had told me. I immediately scrambled to get out of her arms as I backed up. I suddenly found a fresh supply of tears, and they were now streaming down my face... again.

"Aw, shit, Spence, listen to me."

I said nothing, just slid to the floor and curled up into a ball. We were a lie weren't we?

"See Ash, the truth's too much to handle, I, on the other hand-"

"Shut up! Em, just shut up. We've had this conversation before, the only girl I'm taking home is Spence."

"We'll just see if she even lets you touch her."

The words meant nothing to me as I felt the warmth envelop me again. I struggled to get out of her grasp, but she was holding harder then I thought she could.

"Spencer, Spencer, listen to me."

"Leave me alone Ash..."

My voice was as weak and soft as it had ever been, and I felt like a little kid watching her parents divorce. But I'd seen that too.

"I'm not leaving you Spence, your coming home with me, c'mon."

She started to pick me up, but I managed to get out of her grip and backpedaled towards the door and the large group of girls now there.

"Spence, we can talk about this later, c'mon, we gotta go."

I shook my head violently, and I could hear Emily's smirk appear on her face.

"Why not now Ash?"

She sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Because... oh fine."

Everyone leaned forward expectantly, as did I, I was curious to know how much she was going to lie.

"I've been around Spence, you've heard the rumors at school, you'd be an idiot to not believe them. And as for Emily and the rest of those girls, they were, they were real, but not as real as what we have Spencer. I found something in you that the other girls couldn't give me."

"So, what, you just ran around hooking up with girls until you found the right one?"

"No! I mean... well yeah. I just- Spencer, I love you ok! What else do you want from me! Seriously."

Suddenly, everyone turned their heads to the hall, and I saw everyones eyes go huge.

"NUNS!!"

The entire gathering of maybe 20 people split instantaneously, and only Casey, Emily, and one more girl -who I'm assuming was Kate- were left with me and Ashley.

"Ash... you'd better go, I don't want you getting caught."

She shook her head.

"I can't do that Spencer, your coming with me, or I'm not leaving. Hell, I'll come back here every night if I have to."

It was my turn to shake my head.

"I was just another girl to you Ash, just another lay I guess, I don't want that. I'm staying here, I probably won't get 'cured' and I'll stay locked up here, and become another bitter bitch like Emily and tear into the next girl you send us. It's fine really."

"It's not though Spence, this is real! I love you! You can't say you didn't feel something!" 

"I did, and that's why you have to go..."

We heard more stomping on the stairs as Emily and Kate rapidly departed.

"...now, Ashley, you have to go."

"Spence, you can't do this..."

"I can and I will, go."

She said nothing, but the tears finally fell as she went to the window, jumping out on to the ledge below it, turning to me one last time.

"Please, Spence, c'mon."

"No, this is where I belong now, trying to fix what you did to me."

She looked away, then to Casey who had by now closed the door and stood at the back of the room looking at both of us.

"Hey Case..."

She looked up, and I saw the same wild hope that Emily had displayed, and probably me too.

"Take care of her yeah?"

She nodded slowly.

"Thanks, and Spence..."

I looked up as well, feeling my heart begin to fragment again. Our eyes locked, and it was like meeting each other for the first time all over again. The same spark, the same hope, the same want. But there was something else there too. Two broken hearts.

"I love you, I don't care what you or anyone else thinks, _I_ love you, and you were different, don't ever listen to anyone but yourself."

With that, she crawled out of view, just as my heart exploded in my chest, and the nuns burst into the room, bibles and crosses held at the ready.

A/N: God that took forever, this one seems a little forced to me, but I have issues that way. Anyway, I'll be back later, I need to go bond with my PS2, do my guitar lesson, take a shower, and get some food for my tummy. :P


	26. Ask DNA

**Jumper**

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to ck24. She (he or it dunno who sorry) wrote the best review I will ever read. It deflated my ego and made me realize I'm not very good if I can't catch inconsistencies within my own story, but hey, I'm just a kid. Thank you for the brutal honesty ck24, I love you whoever you are, your awesome to say the least. And you have my friend Willa's respect as well. Thanks to the rest of my reviewers and readers, sorry about the rocky chapter last time around, I was kind of rushing to make sure I didn't lose the inspiration. I also feel bad for making some of you cry, again, crying is not one of my strong suits. And I also love your guys's opinions on Emily and Casey, their based on real people, and I think it's hilarious that most of you have guessed them right on. Anyway... --Enjoy-- (ps, this WILL be an angsty chapter)

I was out on the ledge outside of Spence's window when it hit me. She wasn't coming with me. We weren't going to laugh our asses off at this next week and then kiss. She was gone. This school would change her, and when she came back, she wouldn't be the same. If I had been gripping something, I probably would've broken it into small pieces, regardless of what it was made out of it. I finally sighed, storing up all of my emotions into the darkest corners of my mind as I let my legs dangle over the edge. I was contemplating jumping off right now, there was a small gazebo below with a nice point roof that would do splendidly. No, I promised I'd never be Amanda, I could have my emotions crushed and probably never love a living thing again, but I would not end my life. Even though the thing that made me live was refusing to talk to me. I sighed again, this was the first time I'd really been heartbroken. Like, the kind where you know even if you meet someone else just as wonderful and they manage to somehow replace all those missing pieces of your heart, there will always be that huge, gaping hole right in the center, and whoever the person that first broke your heart was, they're carrying that piece around in their pockets, taking it out, looking at it, shutting it in the closet, or keeping it in their purse. Spencer had successfully obtained the unobtainable. She had gotten my heart. And I'm not talking just a fragment of it or a shard, she had the whole damn thing right now, and I had this hollow cavity where it was supposed to be.

I scanned the grounds, looking for Aiden, and finding him surrounded by girls with his back against a tree. I laughed lightly, the girls here and trees never meant good news. I leaned back against the brick wall, putting my head up, looking at the meager points of light in the sky, thinking back to when Spence and I did that. She wasn't even 5 feet away and my heart already ached for her. My body, my whole being did, and I knew there wasn't anything I could do about it. Finally, -after I watched Aiden get strapped to the tree and get practically stripped searched for money- I looked to the window, still halfway open. I quickly opened it slightly, sliding in before closing it. I inhaled one last breath, trying to burn Strawberries into my brain for eternity, but only getting lightheaded in the process.

"Did you really mean what you said?"

My heart jumped wildly, was it Spence? I saw a small square of light on the other side of the room illuminate a girl with red hair. I sighed again, nope, just Casey.

"About what, Case."

"Everyone else meaning nothing?"

I shook my head even though she couldn't see. I did not want to go through this a second time. At least Kate wasn't here, God knows she'd start screaming at me and have a similar reaction like Emily did. Those two had fire, passion, and usually uncontrollable tempers and habits. Casey, on the other hand, Casey I really missed. She was one of those straight Christian girls I "tainted". She's probably the quietest, most gentle girl I've ever met. Something like Spencer, but even Spence didn't hold a candle to Casey. God, this experience was not helping ease my mind whatsoever. I still don't get why she just didn't give into the BS here, she could have it so much better, all those girls could. But I'd given them false hope. I'd made them think that I would come back with a tank, and kiss away everything. I'd lied.

"Not the way that you think, Casey, do we have to do this?"

"I just want to know."

God, that voice could make anyone go ga-ga in seconds, she was adorable. I quickly put down my backpack, and quietly padded over to her bed, still fully aware of Spencer's presence, making it somewhat hard to concentrate. Guaranteed she was listening right now, better make it heartfelt and good. I sat down as I felt the familiar weight of Casey lay back on me, her head resting in my lap as my fingers began to itch, wanting to run through her hair. We always used to do that, she had beautiful hair. She'd dyed it countless times, but it never became coarse or frizzy, it was just this beautiful mass of hair.

"So watcha wanna know Case."

"Did you love me?"

"Course I did-"

"I'm not asking like Emily did, or Kate would, I'm not asking as a group, I'm asking as a person, as Casey, did you love me?"

I smiled as I finally gave up control of my hands, them immediately falling into the well practiced motion of slowly running through her hair. I could feel her body tense up slightly before relaxing. I lowered my face to her ear, exhaling slowly, feeling her tense up again, and I couldn't help but grin, she reminded me so much of Spence, it was killing me.

"More then any of the other girls Casey, always more then any of them."

I could see her dim outline in the meager light, and one of those soft smiles, shining in the dark.

"You'll take care of her, won't you?"

"Yeah, if she's that important to you, I'll watch out for her."

I smiled, letting my hands get one last agonizing stroke down her head before gently pushing her up and crawling off her bed.

"She'll forgive you, Ash."

I stopped halfway back to my stuff, and turned back to her outline.

"What do you mean?"

"You think any of us hate you? She's not different in that aspect. She won't be. No one ever stays angry at you."

"I hope so, I really do."

I quickly got the backpack and walked to the door, grabbing the knob before pausing and turning back to both the girls, the one sleeping and the one sitting in her bed watching my every move. I smiled into the dark, I was in a room with probably my two favorite people in the world, and I was going to give it up without a violent, earth-shaking battle. Someone better remember this someday.

"I love both of you, so, so much."

"I'll pass on the message."

I smiled, opening the door and letting a soft light enter the room. As I was about to step out, I heard a voice call out;

"Who do you love more Ash?"

I did a 180, turning to see Spence now facing me in her bed, lying on her side. I made to walk back into the room, but she shook her head.

"Just a question Ash, no need to come back to answer it."

"I- Spencer, I love you, so much, please, just come with me."

"We've been over this, I can't see you, the only thing you'll do is break me more, I don't want to turn out like Emily, she held onto false hope that you were coming back. Promise me something."

My throat had clamped down, and I had trouble finding even a part of my voice.

"Anything."

"Don't ever come back."

I didn't even have a heart, but I felt something break inside of me, and as I looked into those beautiful eyes, I saw nothing but sorrow. I'd done that, I'd broken her. And... she was right. I was crying now, there was no sense in trying to be "strong" for her. She shook her head again before standing up and stopping at the door.

"Don't come back Ash."

By now I was sobbing, and I could see Casey stand up in the background.

"You'll only hurt me. We can be friends in the future, but I need my space ok?"

"Spence?"

She exhaled, and I saw she wanted me, but being a blonde, she had to act stupid about it.

"Yeah."

"Do you love me?"

She looked at the floor, then the ceiling, then finally, rested those beautiful blue orbs on me. She suddenly stepped forward and wrapped her arms around me in one last desperate hug. If there were any other barriers holding back tears inside of me, they were broken into little pieces, and I came undone in her arms. She only gripped onto me harder until I finally managed to stop, pulling back, trying to prolong the touch. She was so warm...

"I love you Ash, I will always love you."

I smiled, and I knew tears were going down my face again. I turned to go, looking one last time at that image of perfection before grabbing the backpack and heading for the stairs. I still hadn't heard the door close, but I heard her voice float down to me.

"You have no idea how sorry I am that I made you my Amanda."

I turned, eyes shining and saw her leaning against the door frame, a picture of perfection, and the kind I could never have.

"It's ok, I knew this was gonna happen anyway, God's way of getting back at me for Amanda."

She smiled, staring at the floor.

"Whatever happened to her? Do you know?"

"She killed herself a week later."

It was out before I could stop it, and I saw Spencer's face fall.

"I- Why didn't you tell me?"

Damn. 

"Because I knew you'd do this, don't worry I won't kill myself, you've just sentenced me to a life of wallowing in misery and booze."

"Wait, hold on a second. So, you told me everything about you and Amanda, but you somehow forgot to tell me she committed suicide?"

I shrugged, now becoming annoyed, we weren't even together, and she was acting like the clingy girlfriend.

"It was in the past, and you didn't want to hear it anyway."

There was a long silence filled with the distant clicking of grasshoppers and other animal life.

"Your a bitch Ashley Davies."

It stung, it really did, but somehow I found myself smiling, if I didn't know any better, I'd say she'd be getting jealous about the fact I hadn't told her about all of my exes. I only nodded to the blonde, shouldering my backpack and sauntering down the stairs, unable to contain my laughter halfway down. I made it outside, strolling for the tree holding a pantless Aiden. He looked up to me, his eyes wide.

"Where's Spencer?"

I sighed, stopping in front of him and looking at the grass.

"It was a little too late for her."

I glanced up at the building, searching for the room, finding it being the last on the left on the fourth floor. I sighed again.

"The crazy exes get to her?"

I shook my head, looking back at the half naked and confused boy before smiling a little.

"Nope, just the truth. Now what happened to you, loverboy?"

His face lit up instantly, and he had a huge grin.

"Man, they tied me to the tree and totally stripped me! It was awesome!!"

I laughed as he smiled, reaching around the tree and undoing the knots, letting him go. We searched for his pants, but declared them missing after several minutes of fruitless searching. As we walked back to the car, he slung his arm around my shoulder, taking out another cigarette and lighting it. I grabbed it from him before it got to his mouth and took a deep drag as he got another one.

"What happened to Spence breaking you of that?"

"Eh, I just did it when she wasn't looking. Besides, you don't really quit do you?"

He laughed as we strapped ourselves in with two fresh cans of beer. We sat in silence until we hit the highway, Aid cranking up the stereo and then turning to me while taking a drink.

"So Operation Lezbo failed?"

"Fantastically."

He half smiled, patting me on the shoulder.

"There's other girls y'know."

"Yeah, but she was _the_ one y'know."

He shook his head.

"Nope, not really."

I punched him the arm as we crossed lanes, falling back into silence. She really was the one. The one that wiped my slate clean and made me feel like I was alive for the first time in my life. I found it so horribly ironic that I had somehow become Amanda, and Spencer had became me, and the vicious circle would continue. I looked up to the sun roof, looking at the dim stars above. Somewhere out there, God was laughing his ass off at me and how my life had turned out. And somewhere out there was a place where I belonged, and heartbreak was just a scary bed time story.

A/N: Lost my focus halfway through this, so sorry if it doesn't quite mesh. Anyway, I might not get around to writing anything tomorrow, got lots of stuff that needs to be done, so just a heads up. Peace all. And sorry I rambled on about Casey, I like someone named Casey in the RW so I couldn't resist. You can skip those parts... Sorry /


	27. New American Classic

**Jumper**

A/N: Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I don't mean to leave you guys hanging, it's a bad habit of mine. I ran into a slight writers block, and I needed some time off, so after probably 20-30 hours of video gaming, anywhere from 15-30 hours of IM'ing people, at least a day of listening to music, I'm back, and my attention span has been re-directed. I've come up with another plot twist that would extend the story from 5 to 10 chapters, maybe more, but that depends on you guys, I don't want you to suffer through my writing if you don't want it. So, if you guys could tell me one way or another what you want done about this story, I will gladly do it, I am nothing without my readers. Thanks to my reviewers and readers, you guys rock. --Enjoy--

I should've been angry. I should've been furious, violent, sad, depressed, maybe even suicidal. But I didn't feel any of those things. I simply didn't feel a thing. Not towards Ash and how her past and how she'd hidden that past hurt me, or how she broke into the school to come get me, not towards Emily for a being a total bitch and telling me the truth, I couldn't find the want to get emotional. Because the second I let myself feel something, any emotion at all, it would hit me. She was really gone, and when I saw her again, she'd probably be with someone else, ten times hotter then I am, ten times cooler then I am, and everything else I wasn't for Ash, and they'd get drunk out of their minds and have awesome sex, and I'd be somewhere outside, not sure why I was alive.

The days dragged on, and I honestly wondered how anyone bought the crap they were selling at this school. They had entire text books explaining how to go about 'curing' the 'disease' how to get diagnosed, treatment, everything, down to the tiniest detail. It got boring fast, and I'd find myself wishing from time to time that I had gone with Ash, we'd be on our way to Oregon via that magical road she'd shown me what felt like years ago. We'd be laughing in her Porsche, breaking the speed limit and seeing how fast we could go before the engine began to overheat, singing along to loud and annoying songs, sticking our heads out the windows, and doing whatever else we wanted to. Those wishes usually passed quickly, I knew everything we'd been had been a lie. That's what I kept telling myself anyway.

And of course, the whole Amanda business really didn't help, how do you keep that from people? That can't be good for her. And yet, the weirdest thing I've been feeling lately is a strange new emotion I've never dealt with before. The urge comes upon me every time I see Emily walking down the halls, chatting loudly with a group of girls, her arm slung around some random slut's shoulders, or when she was alone and we'd bump into each other on the way to the bathroom. It was the strangest feeling and the most alien I'd ever felt. I wanted to slam her into the nearest wall/locker until she stopped breathing altogether. That urge terrified me, and I usually had to avert my eyes to the ceiling or the floor, afraid that the slightest eye contact could leave her as a red smear on the walls. And I had no idea why on earth I was having these hostile feelings, I mean, I hated playing video games where people died, and I despised the news because all they ever talked about was death en masse, and then I suddenly get the urge to _kill_ someone? It's probably all Ash's fault. Word flew wildly around school about her midnight escapade to rescue me, and now every time I passed a small cluster of girls, I'd receive jealous looks or smirk comments directed to me

Most of the girls there knew Ash through one way or another, and the weirdest thing about the whole business was that every girl had somehow seen a different side of Ashley. It was eerie, she had the same name, but the description never matched another girls answer, and they never matched the image I had of Ashley forever imprinted in my head. She'd fooled us all I think, for every girl was another Ash, another side of her, sweet and passionate, rude and arrogant, caring and kind, all sorts of sides that I had never seen. I laughed about it when I first figured it out, she was good at what she did. And all the girls she'd left behind, they were shells, they weren't anything like they had been, they all lived on the horrible hope that she'd come back, riding on a horse and taking them away with her, whisking them off to a place where they could just be. I hate to admit it, but I had that hope too, but it was a different scene. She'd come back, just like she did the first time and carry me off to our Porsche and we'd speed off to that road and down to Oregon or wherever else we wanted to go, and we wouldn't worry about a thing. It'd be just us.

It was a silly hope, but it was the only thing keeping me going. I wanted to hate her so badly, but I couldn't do it. I tried to curse her name in my head, but all my mind could attach to her name was the prefix of "I love". I gave up on hating her after a week or so, it was useless trying to hate her. Casey had been right that one night in our room, no one could hate Ashley, she was un-hateable, there was just something about that girl that made you love her no matter what her shortcomings were or her habits, or the things she did to you. Casey was the only one I could really stand out of all Ash's ex's in the school. I'd met Kate (so graciously introduced through Emily), and she was a screaming, raging bitch, and I had the similar urge to beat her to a pulp as well. But Casey, was nice and gentle, and I could understand why Ash had fallen for her. Ash had swept Casey off her feet one afternoon at the beach, and all hell broke loose after that. Her parents were devout Catholics and had sent her away so fast, she hadn't had the time to say goodbye to anyone. She never got letters from Ash, and neither did any of the other girls. That did get me mad. She sends all these girls off to this hell hole of a school, but never once tries to get in touch with them, try and apologize or check up on them? Man, that girl was the devil I swear to God.

I sat Casey down one afternoon to try and tell her about all these feelings I had, and to everything I said and to every feeling I described, she only nodded her head knowingly.

"I've nicknamed it AS. Ashley Syndrome."

We were sitting on the ledge outside the window, our legs dangling over as it struck me that only weeks before, Ash had been sitting out here after our fight. It pained me even after she was gone. As I scanned the grounds, my gaze fell upon the old oak tree, spotting a pair of jeans up on the top branch. I snorted at them, they looked vaguely familiar...

"What's that."

She turned to look at me, her eyes searching me, making me remember a time when Ash would search me in the same way, making me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside.

"You develop a bunch of afflictions that branch off from her. Y'know, wanting to hate her, but never being able to, vainly hoping that she'll come back, thinking that she loved you more then anyone else, getting insanely jealous over her ex's and developing homicidal tendencies towards them."

"I am not jealous!"

My brain didn't even register my statement, just immediately spat it out. Casey shook her head and gazed out to the grounds as well, her eyes searching the vast sea of green spanning out before us.

"Never said you were Spence, just saying."

I sighed in defeat, letting my head flop back against the rough brick behind me.

"Sorry, I just can't function right whenever she's brought up. It's like that girls a bad luck charm or something. I hate her so much..."

"But you'll always love her more then you could ever hate her."

I looked to see Casey leaning against the bricks as well, a pained look on her face.

"She really hurt you huh."

She shook her head, her eyes distant.

"She hurt all of us, what can I say."

"Your not like everyone else though, your not a bitter bitch."

She laughed, swinging her legs back and forth in the air.

"I am on the inside, I was so jealous that Ash came back for you. For _you,_ not me."

"I'm sorry, I didn't think she'd do anything like that."

"No need to apologize, but if you ask me, that was the only time she's ever gotten in touch with any of us while we're in here, I think that means that she really loved you, enough to risk everything and come back to get you."

"Would you have gone with her?"

She turned to look at me, her green eyes startling me, they were so sad and hopeless, I almost wanted to throw myself off of the ledge. She smiled sadly.

"Yeah... I would've followed that girl anywhere."

She finally stood up, turning to look at me once more before going back through the window, turning on some music before sitting down to her sketch pad. I sighed heavily,a pressure suddenly beginning to build inside of me. I swallowed before standing up, leaning against the wall as I craned my neck to see the horizon, a brief line, so seemingly far away. When I was with Ash, it was so obtainable, so within reach, I felt like I could just reach out and grab it, and I could keep it with me forever. Now, it looked like it would take an eternity and then some to ever get anywhere as it had been with Ashley. The pressure was getting unbearable, and I looked all around me, checking the grounds to see if there were any girls out and about. I spied none, finally letting loose a shout.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

I finally stopped after my head began to swim, afraid I might tumble off the edge. Tears suddenly found there way to the surface, and I desperately fought them back, trying to stuff back down the emotion that was just begging to burst out of me. I felt a warm hand on my ankle, making me almost jump off of the building. I looked down to see Casey staring at me with worried eyes.

"C'mon in Spence, your gonna want to throw yourself off that ledge any minute now."

I only nodded mutely, slipping back into the room and standing motionless on the carpet. Casey cocked her head to the side, her eyes taking me all in. She turned around and got her sketch pad, furiously scribbling for several minutes as I felt the pressure return again. And to my horror, I found Casey was right, the urge to jump off that ledge became very strong. The tears were still begging for release, but I wouldn't let it happen. Suddenly, Casey put down the pad and looked at me again.

"Sorry, but you had this look in your eyes that I had to get. It's an artist thing. Now come here."

She wrapped her arms around me, and I briefly thought they belonged to someone else, the warm, thin arms bringing back all sorts of memories, the tears somehow found their way out, and before I knew it, I collapsed into Casey as she tightened her grip on me as I dug my nails into her back, trying so hard to get rid of this strange feeling that suddenly came on me. I could feel Casey smile into my shoulder as she stroked my hair.

"That, Spencer, was your heart breaking."

I only cried harder.

Hours later, Casey had left, mumbling something about me needing my space to deal with what just happened, and I found myself immobile on my bed, numb to anything. If you were to stab me in the jaw right then, I wouldn't have felt a thing. My chest felt like there was this horrible cavity inside of me, this huge, empty space of nothingness where my heart had been. I'd never felt anything like it in my life before. Suddenly, I noticed Casey's sketch pad, in the same place as it had been after she had drawn my eyes. I was curious to see what the look I'd had was, so I casually walked over to it, flipping through various drawings of people and random other drawings. She was really good. I finally found it, seeing a pair of eyes, which she'd shaded in, looking back at me from the paper, almost making me faint when I saw them looking up at me from the page. Those weren't my eyes. Those weren't like anything I'd ever seen. Looking up at me were a pair of eyes that belonged to someone who had been emotionally ripped in half, someone who was broken inside and out. Someone who had just had their heart broken

A/N: Short, but this was kind for me, it's been a while since I've thought about a lot of this stuff, my heart broke a long time ago, but I still feel it from time to time, one of those things you just can't escape... G'night.


	28. Talk Show Host

**Jumper**

A/N: Ha, wow I suck, I just get done taking a break and then I go off for another one, I don't think there's really an excuse for this one. I really want to get this done before the new season, cause as soon as that hits, there'll be a slew of new stories, new fans, this and that, so I'm trying to get this done, and of course, I can't find the inspiration. My chapters are becoming shorter, and I'm freaking out lol. Big shout out to my readers and reviewers, I apologize to all you guys, sorry. I'll try and make it up --Enjoy--

The strobe lights were blinding, burning into my eyes every 5 seconds on their circular tour of the giant room, illuminating the DJ and the dancefloor, full of grinding girls and guys, jammed together so close, they would've been able to tell what each other had had to eat by just smelling their breath. The speakers were placed strategically all over the room, in each corner and the massive subwoofer near the front of the room, pumping it full of mind numbing beats and lyrics, lulling anyone who payed enough attention to them into a trance like state. My head went up and down with the bass, my eyes up to the ceiling as shadows played a game of tag on it, briefly blotted out by the momentary lull of the lights before coming back full force. I took a deep breath, inhaling a lung-full of smoke and booze, probably cutting my life span by ten years. I was loosely gripping the neck of a bottle of Grey Goose, taking a long drink every so often to make sure my thoughts wouldn't break through the barrier that I'd created in the midst of a mind blowing party.

I'd see the occasional flash of blonde, but after the first few hundred times, I realized it wasn't her. Why would it be? I'd left her in Straightsville, just left of Hell, she wouldn't be out for a while, and even if she was, I doubt she'd be at my party of all things. Probably making some guy very happy in the back of his pick up truck somewhere. The thought made my vision swim as I hurriedly took another swig, only to find the bottle finally empty. I dropped it with a curse, letting my head fall back on the plush couch. I felt movement on my left, but my eye lids suddenly felt like lead, and my head was two tons heavier, the alcohol finally starting to kick in as my thoughts began running into each other, with no end and no start. I heard a voice, or a trace of one, but none of it's words registered. I might've muttered a garbled "say what?" as even the darkness of my eye lids began to swirl around me, etching shapes in my head of various things, eventually molding to memories. I struggled to lift my eyes open, trying to claw past the nostalgia that was slowly drowning me. I finally worked them up, somehow lifting my head and turning it to the left to see Kyla. I smiled lazily at her, waving at her. She didn't smile back, but leaned into my ear, almost immediately starting another reel of memory in my head.

"What's wrong with you? How much alcohol have you had?"

I laughed loudly, slinging my arms over her shoulder.

"God, your wasted. Ash, what's wrong?"

"Nuthin', I feel great!"

She shook her head, her face growing concerned.

"Ash, what happened when you went with Aiden, where'd you guys go?"

As soon as Aiden's name was shouted, another movie started in my head.

"We went to go get er'. But she didn't wanna go."

"Who?"

I smiled softly, the room beginning to spin again.

"An angel."

I stumbled up, looking for more booze as I faintly heard a shout behind me, before I plunged into the throbbing mass before me. I tripped over unseen feet, and was attacked by unfeeling hands, all of them groping and sweaty and wet. I finally emerged on the other side of the mob, grinning widely at the wide open door to the booze room. I stumbled in, hitting the light switch and looking this way and that for some more Vodka, trying to drown out the memories with the substance of the devil. I finally found more Grey Goose, a brand new bottle, and fumbled it open, taking a huge drink, tears beginning to stream down my face from the burning in my throat, and the feelings starting to explode inside of me. If I had felt empty when Amanda had killed herself, I felt infinitely more empty now. I could not feel anything, not my legs and where they carried me off to, or my head and how heavy it seemed to become, and even the stinging of the Vodka was starting to fade. I think I was finally dead.

I laughed at the thought, taking another drink from my bottle, setting it down on a table as I dove back into the mob, intent on finding someone to help me forget. I spotted her in a sticky situation, a once again drunk Aiden pressing on her as she tried to fight him back. Que more memory flashbacks. The room had started spinning again, but I slammed my eyes shut, letting out a hoarse shout, my mind finally clearing out again. When I opened them, Aiden was still there with the struggling girl, and I'd made up my mind. I walked to Aiden, prying his arms off of her as he gave me a bewildered look, most of his clothes once again MIA. I glared at him, and he threw up his hands in a sign of surrender, retreating to the other side of the dance floor. I turned back to her, taking quick inventory. She had long, tumbling black hair, and blazing blue eyes staring out at me through a curtain of mascara and eye liner. I almost choked on the air I was breathing when I saw them. She had a great body, and she began moving towards me, her eyes seeing right through me. I finally recovered in time to feel her hot breath on my ear, almost giving me a heart attack.

"Thanks, I owe you a dance yeah?"

She bit down gently on my earlobe before pulling back, checking me out to make sure I was suitable to be seen dancing with, finally reaching her verdict, and turning around, pressing herself onto me as my arms began to go through the so well known motions. Hands on hips, bodies together, move with the beat. I wasn't even aware of what we were listening to, but she was doing something related to the commands of the song as I tried to tune into the real world and figure out what song we were dancing to. Something about "down to the floor" and tons of other sexual innuendos flew through the air as she still tried to press harder onto me, smashing my boobs, and also starting to stifle my breathing. I really needed some of that Grey Goose. None of it felt right, not the way she molded to me, or the way we moved together, none of it felt right, just awkward, forced, and fake, and before I knew it, I'd stopped my movement, a realization hitting me.

I was dimly aware of the girl turning around, her eyes searching me up and down as I watched her lips form words, but none of them registered. She looked concerned, but she just wanted a good lay, and usually, I'm up for that, but... My legs were moving me before I really even realized it, guiding me away from the now screaming girl and away from the party, up my stairs, and out to the balcony. I stumbled into the guardrail, the old metal shaking slightly as I leaned heavily against it. I looked up at the sky, the dim points of light flickering on and off, almost as if they were laughing at me. Nothing made sense anymore, my world was spinning. Not just figuratively, but literally, I couldn't function. I couldn't function anymore, I was nothing. The thing standing on the balcony wasn't Ashley Davies. It wasn't the Ashley before Amanda. Nor was it the Ashley after her. It wasn't the Ashley before Aiden. Nor was it the one after him. And it sure as hell wasn't anything like the girl that had been around when she was with Spencer. She was just an empty shell, a shade of any previous Ashley Davies that had existed before. The realization didn't hurt when it hit me, it barely even stung, but it made all the festering emotions leap to life in my head, causing me to relive the most painful experience of my life. Just as it began to close, nearing the "don't come back" scene, my stomach began doing flips, and before I knew it, I was halfway over the railing, spilling everything I'd had in the last couple days into the pool, almost throwing myself over at the force of everything coming back up.

Finally, everything inside of my stomach was gone, leaving nothing but tumbling and roaring emotions bouncing around inside of it, cracking it with the force of their hits, trying to break out. I felt sick again, even though I knew there was nothing left in there. I stumbled over a chair and fell down on my ass, sitting there in stunned silence as my world wildly flew around my eyes, my sense of balance way off kilter. I burped loudly, and the craving for more Vodka was upon me, but for once, the thought of pure alcohol was not enough to spur my legs to move me, and I sat motionless as the party raged on beneath me, shaking the windows and doors, hell, it was shaking the whole house. I fell backwards, lying on my back, staring at the occasionally jumping ceiling, the shadows of light from cars and the moon making more shadows jump and dance. I wasn't anything without her.

I sat up suddenly, my stomach screaming at me, causing me to double up at the sudden motion as I stumbled up again. No, I wasn't going to think that. I'm fine. It was just another girl, just another potential lay, that's all. She was nothing. _No, you've got that backwards kid, your nothing, she's everything._ I stumbled against the wall, holding myself up against the startlingly cool paint, trying to catch my breath as it came out in hitched gasps. I swallowed deeply, trying to steady myself and gain some sort of balance back. _She was your balance, without her, your nothing, and your unbalanced too. How pathetic is that?_ I might've muttered something in an attempt to make my rather sarcastic conscious shut up. I continued to lean against the wall, no balance coming back to me as I continued to trip over the air, the world focusing in and out at a crazy speed. _Man, look at you, your a wreck, God, you really screwed this one up huh? Who loses someone like that? She was perfect, and you screw it up. Just another -_

"SHUT UP!"

I collapsed again, this time falling face first onto the cool tile of the hallway, tears preceding my fall. My cheek landed in a small puddle that was increasing as the tears continued to flow, all the tears from the past. She had been the plug that kept all of my past from catching up to me and drowning me in regrets and "shoulda coulda woulda's", and now that she was truly gone, there was nothing stopping my vengeful past from having its way with me. The tears continue their journey from my eyes down to the floor, the puddle becoming steadily bigger, beginning to soak into my shirt collar. The floor is so cold, and it feels like ice all over my body as it feels like it's continually doused with liquid fire all over. I lay there for what was probably hours, the party getting into full swing, signaled by a shattering break from somewhere downstairs, probably taking out the bay window or French doors in the process. I sighed, my head pounding from the soon to be raging hangover and the post-cry headache, accompanied by the stuffy nose and small sniffles. I felt like such a little kid, and I would have done anything to have Spence appear at the top of the stairs, bathed in moonlight, running to hug me. But when I looked to the stairs, I saw nothing but 2 girls all over each other in the dark corner shielded from the light.

I hoarsely laughed, the sound grating against my ears as I got up, the world still spinning wildly around me like a crazy merry-go-round. I managed to keep my balance this time, and I set off in the opposite direction, looking for the bathroom, where I could hopefully find some tissues and aspirin. I passed the door to it several times, always missing it by a few feet as I blindly reached for a doorknob that wasn't there. Finally, on my third or fourth try, I found it, trying to turn it, only having it slip from my grasp. I half expected it to fall to the ground and shatter, cheating me out of my aspirin. But, it stayed put, and on my second attempt I managed to keep a grip on the sleek metal, turning it slowly. I opened it, finding it pitch black. My hand went to the wall as I look for the switch. I thought I heard shuffling coming from the bath-tub, but credited it to my already enormous hangover. I finally found it, fumbling with the small switch momentarily until my finger finally caught under it, flipping it up. The light was blinding and I let out a rather loud "oh shit!", throwing up my hands to block my eyes, the several seconds my eyes were exposed to the bright light had seared my eyes, and even as I found solace in the dark of my eyelids, I could see patterns dancing around my eyes, fading in and out. Finally, I eased my eyes open and went to the sink, turning on the water, attempting to stick my face all the way under it, only succeeding in getting my nose wet. I stopped, deciding I'd fill up the bath tub with some freezing water and put my face under a few times, it always helped with a hangover. I opened the medicine cabinet to be faced with thousands of dollars worth of pills and subscriptions, laughing at me from their respective shelves. Everything from Codine to Valium, and everything in between, ranging from painkillers and happy pills to weight lose and bi-polar pills. Told you my family was bi-polar. Anyway, I searched the myriad of drugs, finding my best friend, Mr. Aspirin on the third shelf. I quickly opened it and took 3 out, swallowing them dry.

I put them back and closed the cabinet, turning to the bath tub again, set on getting some cold water on me. I pulled back the curtains and stumbled back, tripping over a plunger left out and letting out a shout. I was on my back again, and I tried to tell myself I hadn't just seen that. It was the alcohol. Maybe a roofie or two found themselves in my Grey Goose. I heard more shuffling before my vision was blocked by a curtain of blonde hair. My heart stopped. It was her. I didn't stop to think or engage the situation, but as soon as I saw that blonde hair, I was on my feet, heading for the door. The world was at full tilt, whirling like a sick roller coaster all around me, and I found myself making contact with the walls every other step. I heard shouting behind me, but I didn't understand a word said, I was too intent on getting somewhere, _anywhere._

I found myself in my room, tripping over the couch and collapsing on it as what I'd just seen hit me like a train. There had been Spence. Yeah, she'd been there. Add one wasted guy, subtract clothing, and add a bath tub. I choked on the air I was trying to force down my throat, the room was still spinning, and I heard shouts from outside my room. _What'd I tell ya? She turned straighter then an arrow, and she's making some lucky guy very very happy. Nice going kid, real nice_.

"SHUT UP, please just shut up!!!"

I yelled it again, the world beginning to stop it's crazy tilt-a-whirl cycle, settling on the door again, soft light filtering in, outlining somebody. I turned away as I stumbled off the couch, looking for somewhere to go. The closet was a dead end, so was the bathroom. I could make a run for it, push her out of the way, but she's not too hungover if she got here as fast as she did, I wouldn't be able to outrun her. That only leaves...

"Ash?"

Her voice breaks through and all thought, suicidal and not, stopped. I didn't turn to look, I refused to. I heard muffled footsteps as she walked across my carpet to me. I tried to move, but a strong hand stopped me cold. She had an iron grip on my shoulder, and twist and fidget as I might, she wasn't letting go. She turned me around, and even in that dim light, I saw the eyes of an angel. It was too much, and my tears started up again as I furiously tried to pull out of her grip. I so did not need this right now. I didn't need her here, and I didn't want her here. Not now, not ever again.

"Ash, stop. Please, stop."

Her voice cut through the thick veil around my head, and it was like soft light filtering into my dusty head. I stopped. We stood in silence as I drank her in. Even if I didn't want to, I was loving the feeling of her skin on mine, the smell of Strawberries intoxicating me to dangerous levels, getting me more drunk then any amount of Vodka could ever hope to accomplish. Her presence calmed me, and I finally felt that cinder block lift off of my chest, and my breathing resumed to that of a normal persons once more. I could feel her eyes drilling into me, trying to see me, but there was nothing there this time. Not one damn thing left.

"Are you drunk?"

Her voice had concern, and suddenly, that tone infuriated me. She didn't have a right to worry about anymore. She so didn't. I tried again to break free, but for once, she was stronger.

"What's it matter to youuu."

I slurred it out, trying to glare, but only feeling more tears threatening to break free.

"I-, Ash, don't be so hard about this."

"Don't be so hard??!!"

I yelled it, making her cringe at the noise and the amount of alcohol my breath probably contained as it washed over her in a noxious cloud.

"Ash, you don't need to-"

"Don't need to what?? Don't need to be angry at you??? Don't need to be heartbroken, don't need to be fucking dead on the inside??!! Huh? Is that what I'm NOT supposed to be??"

She finally let me go, stepping back slightly. Good, stupid bitch. I slapped myself mentally for ever thinking that about her.

"You hurt me too Ash, you did, but we can still be-"

"NO!!"

I roared it, already knowing what was going to be coming out of her mouth.

"I don't want to be fucking friends Spence, I want you, with me, forever and ever!! Do you hear me?!? I LOVE YOU!!!"

I shouted it so loud, I'm sure people in the middle of the grinding blob heard me.

"I love you too..."

She whispered it in a quiet tone, and I actually didn't believe her.

"Shouldn't you be getting back to Mr. Fuck or something?"

She looked up at me, and I could feel the sadness absolutely pouring out in torrential fountains from her.

"I just want to be friends..."

I shook my head furiously, the tears spilling down my face and soaking into my shirt.

"No Spence, we weren't ever 'just friends', we were everything to each other, and you gave it up."

I snapped my fingers in front of her.

"... Just like that."

Her eyes suddenly narrowed, and I knew I hit a nerve.

"I gave it up??! Ash, you practically kicked me out of your house!!!"

That did it.

"You couldn't, no you WOULDN'T love me!! You were all fine and dandy at my house or the beach, but as soon as someone brought the heat, you were backing down like some God-damned coward!!"

"I was scared ok?? What was I supposed to do??!"

We were shouting as loud as we could, both sobbing hysterically, and both trying to keep our composure long enough to get our points across.

"LOVE ME SPENCE!!! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO FUCKING LOVE ME!!!!!!"

She paused, looking at me as the defiance faded from her eyes. The tears were still trickling down her face, leaving small paths on her now red cheeks. God, how I wanted to brush them away and hold her tight... I threw up my hands in surrender suddenly, taking small steps backwards, hoping she wouldn't see my destination. The door to the balcony was thrown open from my previous episode, and the small railing separating the ledge from thin air was dangling dangerously loose.

"Whatever Spence, you can take all those guys you fucked, and all the guys your gonna fuck and shove em' right up your ass, you know why? Cause I'm done. I loved you with everything I had, but that wasn't good enough, not for you."

Her eyes went to mine as realization dawned on her. I smirked at her, flipping her off in one grand motion before turning my back on her, and sprinting with what little force I had left to the door. I flew over the doorjam and just as I hit the railing and heard the sickening crack of it breaking, I heard a single shout. Then, it was pure air all around me as I saw the pool rushing up to meet me. And just like that, I was done.

A/N: Ok, I seriously do not know where all of these very depressing ideas are coming from, I'm not usually this bad, maybe I need a shrink or something. Hopefully, you guys liked it, and please, don't cry, no way in hell would I kill Ash, you guys just gotta wait. And sorry for language, peace guys.

Ok, it's obvious that I assumed that everyone would know what I was talking about in this chapter, but you guys don't have little windows into my head (thank god), so there's a lot of confusion. Hmm, ok to start off first, when she talks about the reels of tape in her head, it's a memory of something she and Spence did, like for instance, when Aiden was all over that girl, she remembered the party where Spence was drunk and was using Aiden to get her jealous. The stars reminded her of that time on the hill when they were looking at the stars, and when it says "Just as it began to close ending on the 'don't come back scene...'", she's talking about when she went to rescue Spence, but she said "don't come back". So, Ashley relived her entire relationship and then ended at St. Mary's. And when Spencer says "You practically kicked me out of your house!!!" She's talking about when they 'broke up' I guess you could say, and their yelling at each other about who loves who, right before her mom busts in. Sad I have to explain this, no writer should confuse their audience, but I'm not going to change it, so here you guys go, if you have any more questions, PM me or whatever else, I'll be glad to answer.


	29. Revolution!

**Jumper**

A/N: Sorry all, I was distracted by a plethora of different things, but now I've got my focus back. I'm reposting chapter 28 with an explanation at the bottom, so feel free to head back there and check it out, when I start writing, I expect everyone to know exactly whats going on in my mind, and thank God that can't happen, so I'll try and clear up some questions. Feel free to PM either way though, always happy to help out. (and sorry for making some of you cry AGAIN. I'm not usually that mean.) And this will be a long one. And this chappy is dedicated to my very own Muse, revolution15 for making sure I didn't slack off and neglect to write this chapter, much thanks bows--Enjoy--

The weeks passed on, but at St. Mary's it seemed like years, for every hour that passed, I felt a year fall off of my life until I felt that I would have just barely stepped outside before dropping dead. I could understand why some girls broke here after only 6 weeks. It was terrifying to say the least. The lessons got more and more intense, the nuns using classic examples for the worst case scenarios, your parents disowning you, the girlfriend who you risked it all for leaving you in the end for another girl, and of course, the "worst" outcome yet, not getting into Heaven and getting sent to the deepest, darkest pits of Hell faster then you could say "Lucifer." I thought it was a huge joke, and I didn't buy a second of any of it. And yet, every time I told myself that it wasn't wrong and that I wasn't broken, I felt a little more resistance fall from me. I don't think it was what they were teaching, but it was the realization that hit me every morning, expecting to be wrapped in her arms, only to find that I was alone in a bed that wasn't mine and in a place that wasn't home.

My defiance was dying slowly but surely, as was my will to get up and continue with my life. Even when she wasn't with me, she still had the intoxicating effect that I can only liken to painkillers I was once on, dulling my mind and body to feel nothing, even though I _wanted_ to feel the pain, wanted to feel the loss, the longing, I couldn't feel anything. If it wasn't for Casey, I'm sure I might not be here, the pull of the open window during hot afternoons began to take their toll on me until finally, Casey had to get a lock for them when she wasn't in the room with me. And so, the weeks dragged on, me dying a little bit each day, and the world continuing it's rotations, completely oblivious to my cries for help, for it to slow down, to stop and help me, oblivious to the pain that it brought with each new day it continued its journey through space. I was failing terrificly, usually staying after class each day to get yelled at by one nun or another, only leading to more work which I never did either.

Somehow, the six weeks had come to pass, and as I found myself before a long table of nuns, all looking rather high and mighty, I wondered again, why I was here of all places. And how she could ever do this to me. Just as the head nun began to speak, the realization found me. I didn't think I was gay. It had been Ash. I mean, who could resist falling for her? She was _Ashley_ for God-sakes, everything about her was perfect and alluring in the worst kind of way, and anyone who was lucky (or unfortunate) enough to cross her path was instantly in love. I smiled at the thought, the nun taking that as a yes as she plunged on with dozens of questions.

"Have you thought about the girl?"

The entire school knew that I was another one of Ash's, so the questions were directed to me about our relationship.

"Yes."

A troubled look on their faces.

"Do you dream about her?"

"Yes."

"If you get out, will you see her again?"

I laughed a little at the "if" part, I don't think they could hold any of the girls past 18.

"No."

A satisfied look rippled across the mass.

"Did she hurt you?"

Again, I wondered why this place was open.

"Yes."

"Will you ever forgive her?"

I smiled lightly, the tears beginning to well up inside my eyes as I conjured up her face in my mind, the way she felt, the way she smelt, the way she could make me feel like the world was just fine for a little while longer.

"I already have."

They frowned and I heard more rustles of paper, but I was lost in my own world, one so infinitively better and brighter, that I had a hard time keeping my eyes open.

"Do you think you are 'cured'?"

The way they said 'cure', I almost burst out laughing, the 'cure' to them was like Ashley to me, it kept these people going, just as Ash did for me, it gave them some security and made the world feel just a little smaller. I sighed, one tear finding its way down my cheek. The last one I would ever shed for her... For us.

"Yes."

All the eyes fell onto me, searching me for some shred of untruth, for some sliver of resistance left in me. They found nothing. There was nothing. I thought I saw a pained expression cross one or two of their faces, and I knew I'd be gone by tonight.

"Then, Spencer Carlin, I approve that you are 'cured' and are no longer plagued by the disease, formerly know as homosexuality, and you will be going to Heaven. You are free to leave"

She had a serious look on her face, and I somehow found the sentence hilarious. I guess God had handed down the keys to Heaven to a bunch of homophobes. I said nothing, but turned on my heel, pushing open the doors and walking to my room. I found Casey sitting on the floor with her sketchpad, music playing loudly through her headphones. I smiled sadly at her, I would miss her the most. She looked up, and even as the look faded from my face, she could see it in my eyes. She got to her feet, putting her pad down to look at me one last time. She had a thin smile on her face, and I could see her eyes filled with a sadness so deep and wide, I think space would have a hard time claiming to be bigger.

"You gonna see her once your out?"

More tears threatened to fall, but not for Ash, but rather what I was going to do once I was gone. I hated all of those girls guts, but they were the only thing I had, my real family disgusting me.

"I don't know..."

The tears spilled free at the first syllable, and I was enveloped in warmth once again. I gripped onto her desperately tight, so afraid to let go. She "shh"'ed me quietly, stroking my hair and rocking me gently back and forth. I would miss this place so much, and the thought only made me cry harder.

"I'll always be there for you, and I'll be out soon enough."

I looked up to her, eyes still hurting from more tears to be shed.

"Promise?"

She looked down at me, and I could see the pity flowing from her.

"I swear."

I cried again.

Hours later, I had gotten all my stuff packed, and my mom was on her way, called by Mother Catharine. I stood at the opened window, gazing out at the green again, reliving memories. I heard someone step beside me, and saw the small flash of red.

"Wanna go out there one more time?"

I smiled.

"Sure."

We both climbed out and took our respective seats on the ledge. We both gazed out, both lost in another time, another place where happiness was a plentiful as air, and as true as gravity.

"Y'know, out of all Ash's ex's, I'd have to say I like you the most Spence."

I smiled at her, my body beginning to relax after all the stress had passed.

"I like you the best too."

She smiled that same ghost of a smile, and I saw the sadness hang over her like an eternal shadow.

"If you see her around, tell her I said hi."

My smile faltered for just a second, but then I realized, I would've told her Casey said 'hi' with or without her asking me to.

"I'll tell her."

She smiled, tears welling up in her eyes. I saw a large truck heading for the gates at break neck speed, and knew that it was my signal to leave. I turned one last time to look at Casey as the wind picked up, swirling around her as I saw a lonely tear travel down her face.

"That'd make a beautiful picture."

She only smiled, her eyes still glazed over.

"Thank you Spence, you made me realize why I'm still alive."

I looked at her curiously.

"I'm still here because I know Ash never did this to me on purpose, and she still loves me, not as much as you, but she does, and when I see you, I remember everything about her. It's like I had a little piece of Ash with me to remind me of how I was."

The tears were steadily running now, and for the first time since I'd met her, I saw her look truly happy.

"Thank you for helping me through all this, I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you."

She smiled again, climbing in the window as I followed her. She bent to pick up her sketch pad, flipping through the pages until settling on one and tearing it out. She handed it to me, her hands slightly shaking.

"Something to remember me by."

I looked down and saw it was a sketch of Ash, everything in perfect detail down to that little freckle on the bridge of her nose. It was all in black and white except for her eyes, which had been colored in a dark brown.

"How'd you get her eyes like that?"

She was opening the door, glancing down the hallways before turning back to me.

"If there's ever something that you remember Ash by, its those eyes of hers. If you looked long enough, you could see eternity."

I ran to her, crushing her in a bear hug as I felt her return it with the same need. I ran back to my bed, picking up the grey sweatshirt, inhaling it one last time before walking back over to her. I handed it to her, and she looked down at it, almost as if it would explode in her arms.

"But, she gave this to you..."

"I think you might need it more then I do."

She looked up one last time, another smile on her face.

"Your not really 'cured' are you?"

I smirked, giving her a wink before leaving.

"I'm one of Ash's girls, how could you ever think that?"

She only grinned, putting a hand on my shoulder as I walked off, leaving her in the doorway with the sweatshirt in her hands.

"Smack Emily good for me yeah?"

Her grin only widened.

"Hell yeah, take care kid."

I finally turned around, walking down the stairs and winding through the hallways, finally bursting through the doors to, surveying the grounds one more time, taking everything in before waltzing up to the Tahoe and getting in shotgun, my mom smiling at me. I payed no attention to her meaningless questions, just smiled and nodded when I was supposed to until finally, we were home again. I bolted from the truck and up to my room, falling down on my bed at once, grinning into the comforter as sleep began to wash over me.

I woke hours later to the smell of pancakes, smiling widely before stomping downstairs like I used to when I was a little kid. I sat down to a huge plate of them and dug in, suddenly starving. Dad watched me with a smile on his face, but I could still the sadness in him, and I knew it wasn't long before what little was left of this family fell apart too. Glen came running down the stairs, pausing to ruffle my hair as ran out, yelling something about "Madison", and Clay followed too, giving me a hug before sitting down to some cereal. Things were normal for the first few weeks, with a lot less fighting and yelling, and we even sat down to eat dinner together, which was about as rare as rare got.

But... nothing golden ever lasts forever, and after about 2 weeks, things fired back up. I would wake daily to the routine sound of shouts and curses, and I found the familiar tug of going to the park again. But I was terrified of seeing Ash there again, starting another downward spiral doubtlessly, and earning me another spot at St. Mary's for sure. So, I spent my days cooped up in my room, slowly but surely reverting back to my old self, spending hours at a time on my computer, looking for new music to dull my thoughts, and ease my mind. I had built up my itunes library by over 1000 songs, and it showed no signs of slowing down. While I was on another music trek, Glen burst into my room with an excited look on his face.

"Heya Squirt, wanna go to a party later on?"

I looked at him, looking to see if he was joking.

"I don't know, where's it at?"

" I have no idea, Madison heard about it from Aiden, so, you wanna go or not?"

I sighed, looking at him then back to my screen.

"Yeah, sure, I'll go. What time do we have to be ready?"

"Like, now."

"I thought you said later!"

He looked at his watch.

"According to Mr. Rolex, it is later, move your ass!" 

He slammed my door, leaving me wondering what on earth I'd gotten myself into. Several minutes later, I was running after Glen as he gunned up the Tahoe, revving the engine a little louder then necessary as we pulled out, speeding along.

"Do you know where we're going?"

"Madison said to follow the huge train of cars... and I think I found it."

I looked ahead only to choke on the air. There was a huge line of cars racing for respective parking, and tons of kids pouring into a huge house at the very end of the culdesak. I knew that house...

"Glen, I changed my mind, can you drop me back off at home?"

He snorted, looking at me with disbelief.

"This is THE party of the summer. You were happy about it a minute ago."

"But not now. Glen, please."

He shook his head, cruising into an empty space and making a van full of kids start cursing him out.

"Nothin' doin' kid, look, just go in there and get some beer, you'll loosen up in no time. I promise."

He slid out of the car, leaving me there as I stared at the house. Her house.

Several minutes had dragged by as night began to fall, and I knew it was now or never, here was a perfect chance to prove that I really was over Ash. And in her own home nonetheless. I forced a smile, hopping out of the truck and walking to the huge house which seemed to shake from the noise. As soon as I set foot in the house, memories washed over me in tsunami sized waves, almost sweeping me off my feet and out of the house. I walked through all the rooms, reliving a different memory, the giant TV and couch where we'd first held hands, the kitchen with one of our countless tickle fights, and finally, the couch in pool room, where we'd finally realized how many holes we had in our relationship. How afraid I was, how hurt she was, how heartbroken both of us became after that night.

The memories were getting harder to continue watching, and I quickly walked to the huge stockpile of alcohol, hidden in a small room off of the kitchen. Tons of people were smashed into the room, all perusing what she had, and I found myself a bottle of Whiskey. I hated it, but it could dull the razor sharp point of my memories. I took a huge drink, tears springing up in my eyes as it scalded my throat. I almost dropped the bottle as I coughed into my hands. I half expected to be coughing up blood, but when I looked at my hands, I saw no such thing. I took another couple quick drinks before setting the bottle down, and came back to the living room, the TV and couch pushed against the wall, and speakers all over the place, pumping out mind numbing music as a huge blob danced in synch to it. I suddenly felt hands sliding around my waist, and my body reacted violently, making me jump and spin light speed to face whoever it was. I let out a heavy sigh, my mind for just a second had Ash standing there, a wide grin on her face.

It was just another guy. He reached out his hand and I grabbed it as he leaned closer to me, his breath playing over my ear. I did feel a chill creep down my spine, but nothing like Ash could cause.

"Hey, sorry about that, you just looked to beautiful to be standing there with no one to dance with."

He leaned back a little, grinning at me. He had messy brown hair that fell all around his face, "hippy hair" as my dad put it, and honey colored eyes. He leaned back in again.

"I'm Derek."

I put my face near his ear and noticed a crop of goosebumps all around it.

"Spencer."

He smiled at me, holding out his hand. I took it and he led me to the center of the blob, not once letting go of my hand, turning me around gently as his hands found their way to my waist. He leaned in again.

"You ok with this?"

I smiled, aside from Aiden, this could be one of the nicest guys I'd ever met in LA.

"Fine, are you ok with it?"

He grinned at me, showing off his perfect teeth as he turned me around, his hands running wild all over me. I didn't feel disgusted like when that goon had done it, but I still felt uncomfortable. Like this wasn't right. Like it was forced somehow, awkward. Not how it had been with Ash. I shook my head, trying to get rid of my pestering thoughts as we continued dancing. When there was a temporary lull in the noise, I yelled at him (everyone's hearing shot)

"Can we get something to drink?"

"Sure thing."

We wove our way back out of the blob, the music cutting back in, blasting throughout the house again. We arrived back at the room, now with only a few people in it, and the shelves beginning to look a little bare. Derek grabbed a bottle Grey Goose and several shot glasses, grabbing my hand and leading me upstairs. Unease washed over by the gallon, each step familiar to me, and he finally turned to a door that I knew so well.

"I don't think she'll be here, c'mon."

"Do you know her?"

It was out before I could help myself. He turned to look back at me, the meager light hitting his eyes and making them look like chunks of Amber in his head. I smiled a little.

"Kinda, I'm Aiden's friend, so I met her while they were dating. She's pretty nice, she's a dyke though... what a waste, I'll tell ya."

The way he said the word almost made me puke. I had heard the word "gay", and "homosexual", but that word...

"You ok? You look kind of dizzy, here."

He led me to her bed, and it was all I could do to keep my tears at bay, the memories coming faster, the feelings intense. He dragged her small coffee table from in front of the couch to the foot of the bed, popping open the bottle and pouring two messy shots into the glasses. He handed one to me, then took his own. He raised it in a salute, eyes locking with mine.

"To Ashley Davies and throwing a great party."

He grinned, throwing back his head and draining his glass.

"To Ashley Davies..." I muttered, throwing the liquid into my mouth, re-igniting the fire in my throat. 12:25, half the bottle was gone, along with Derek's shirt, and mine. 12:45, there's about 2 shots left, I let Derek have them, afraid of what could happen if I had too much to drink again. By now his pants are off, and he's trying to work mine off. I quickly pushed him off, standing up and saying some sort of excuse, running down the hall and down the stairs.

I emerged at the packed dance floor again and breathed a sigh of relief, after the incident at Aiden's rave, I had steered clear of boys and alcohol altogether. The room was doing circles around me, and I tried to think of a way to calm it down, looking for Aiden, or maybe even...

There. She was there, right on the outskirts, batting Aiden away from a girl. I didn't stop to see the rest, but I saw her grab Ash's hand and just like that, the mirage was gone. I felt sick to my stomach again. And then I did something weird. Like _really_ weird. You know that little piece of your brain that has the word "Jealousy" stamped on it in big, red letters? Well, I think mine grew at least 10 times, and before I knew it, I was jogging back upstairs, finding a still drunk Derek, messing around with Ash's drum set.

"Derek?"

He looked up at me, confusion in his eyes as he tried to identify me. Suddenly, his face lit up, and he hit the cymbals with a terrific clash.

"You think I'm any good?"

"Definitely, but how bout you put down those sticks and pay some attention to me?"

That part was beginning to control my ability to speak and move, and before I knew it, I was enveloped in his body as he slammed me against the wall, his kisses messy and missing my mouth half the time. I tried to shake off the feeling of unease, but it just wouldn't go away. And the fact that we were still here, in Ash's room of all places made me want to kick him in the shins and run as fast as I could. I pressed against his shoulders as he looked at me, his eyes glazed over with lust.

"Can we... not do it in here?"

He gave me a curious look.

"I have... we had... just not here ok?"

His face lit up again before grabbing my hand and pulling me roughly out of the room and down the hall. He kicked a door open, and even in the dark, I could tell we were in the bathroom. Rather random, my rational part of the brain was commenting, but the Jealous part was getting the better of me, and I let his clumsy hands struggle with my belt buckle, then my button and eventually, they were in a heap on the ground, his rough hands working my shirt off. He had been pushing me backwards, and I suddenly found my back in the tub with him on top of me. The familiar feeling of claustrophobia descended on me, but I vainly pushed it away. His mouth had found its way to my neck, biting gently as my body shook like a leaf caught in a storm. I found my nails digging into his back, even as he worked lower down. In the middle of all this, I thought I heard the doorknob turn and some shuffling but I quickly dismissed it as his undershirt came off, leaving both of us in our underwear, and I'm sure he'd fix that soon enough.

Suddenly, the lights flipped on, and I head a loud "oh shit!" and thought I recognized the voice from somewhere, but couldn't place it. I tried to push Derek off me, but he was securely on top of me, somehow oblivious to the fact someone else was here with us. I heard something open and the rustle of pills before a closing sound. Suddenly, the curtains were ripped back, and just about puked all over the place. It was Ash...

She stumbled back wildly, tripping over a plunger and going down with a yell, lying there on her back. I finally pried Derek off of me, wobbling up and out of the tub, the room doing 360's all around me. I stood over Ash as her eyes came back into focus on me. She roughly pushed me and ran out of the room, and I heard the dull thud of her running into the walls. I quickly put my pants back on, looking for my shirt, only to find Derek's. I might have shouted her name as I struggled with one of my pants legs, but I don't remember, and I was down the hall after her minutes later. I knew she'd be back at her room, and I found I was right, but I paused in the doorway as I took in the scene. There she was, collapsed on her couch, not moving, and I was terrified she might have stopped breathing altogether. Just as I drew breath to speak, her head moved up, and I saw the hurt coursing through her veins and pumping throughout her. She got off of the couch, turning around and heading for the balcony. My brain finally processed what was happening.

"Ash?"

She froze in place, not turning to look at me, but not moving either. My feet began moving me automatically to her, just as she began to move too, but my hand found her shoulder and stopped her cold again. She began twisting and turning, but I didn't let go. I wouldn't. My other hand accompanied my left, turning her around as I let the feeling of her warmth seep through my skin and into my very being. She continued trying to twist away from me, but I was keeping her right her with me.

"Ash, stop. Please, stop."

She stopped struggling immediately, and we locked gazes again, but try as I might to find some remnant of the old Ash, there wasn't anything. The eyes I was looking at and the eyes that were in that picture above my bed were from different people. I noticed her heavy breathing, and she stunk of alcohol. My protective side began to win the inner battle in my head.

"Are you drunk?"

I heard myself say it, but didn't realize I had actually said it, my mind not registering a thing my mouth was saying. There was a heavy silence until she broke it.

"What's it matter to youuuu."

Even if she was drunk, it hurt. It always mattered to me. And suddenly, my old feelings sprang to life and I knew I could not leave this house without getting Ash back, as a friend at least. At the very least.

"I- Ash, don't be so hard about this."

"Don't be so hard???!"

Her breath smelled worse then she did, and I reeled back a little bit, the stench almost knocking me out. It was like she had consumed every drop of booze in the room downstairs single handedly. Even if she was drunk, I had feeling she'd been waiting to say these things to me for weeks.

"Ash, you don't need to-"

"Don't need to what?? Don't need to be angry at you?? Don't need to be heartbroken, don't need to be fucking dead on the inside?? Huh? Is that what I'm NOT supposed to be??!"

Those words cut deeper then a knife could ever hope to do, and I finally released her as I backed up, the urge to throw myself out of the window coming back again. No, I was standing my ground, we needed to do this.

"You hurt me too Ash, you did, but we can still be-"

"NO!!!"

She yelled it at me, and I took another step backwards, absolutely terrified of the girl before me. Her voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

"I don't want to be fucking friends Spence, I want you, with me, forever and ever!!! Do you hear me?? I LOVE YOU!!!"

Somewhere in my mind, in that small little piece that's always right no matter what was smirking at me while whispering into my ear; _See, told you she'd love you forever, now, just tell her the same thing and everything will be ok again._ I shook my head, no.

"I love you too..."

My voice was beginning to fail me, and I felt like we were back on the couch downstairs, all those days ago.

"Shouldn't you be getting back to Mr. Fuck or something?"

I looked up at her, and the tears were beginning to build up behind my eyes, screaming for release into the world.

"I just want to be friends..."

And it was such a lie I almost laughed at myself. She shook her head wildly, tears now running madly down her cheeks as I felt myself loosing control of my own tears as the first broke out.

"No, Spence, we weren't ever 'just friends', we were everything to each other, and you gave it up."

She snapped her fingers in front of her.

"...just like that."

Oh no, she did not just accuse me of giving up. Then, that vengeful part of my brain kicked in, the one that had wanted to bash in Emily's face, and my anger came from out of nowhere as I found my voice suddenly ten times stronger.

"I gave it up??! Ash, you practically kicked me out of your house!!!"

I saw her eyes narrow as she glared at me.

"You couldn't no you WOULDN'T love me!!! You were all fine and dandy at my house or the beach, but as soon as someone brought the heat, you were backing down like a God-damned coward!!!"

That did it, my tears finally broke free and created a steady stream down my face.

"I was scared ok?? What was I supposed to do??"

"LOVE ME SPENCE!!! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO FUCKING LOVE ME!!!!"

My mouth opened and closed several times, and that little smirk part of my brain just laughed at me, and I knew that was the answer all along. We shouldn't have gone through all of this. None of it was necessary, we still loved each other, maybe even more now, and we were now in the same place as we had been before, still madly in love with each other, but too dense and stupid to realize it. She glanced quickly backwards before turning back to me.

"Whatever Spence, you can take all those guys you fucked, and all the guys your gonna fuck and shove em' right up your ass, you know why? Cause I'm done. I loved you with everything I had, but that wasn't good enough, not for you."

My heart broke (if even possible at this point) and I finally realized what she was going to do. She had always commented about how old and rusted that railing was, and if we weren't careful during our tickle fights we would probably be hurtling to the pool below. Oh no... She flipped me off, sprinting to the door just as I screamed her name. There was a sick crack, and I saw her tumble over the edge. I bolted to the door, rushing down the stairs and fighting my way through the mob and bursting through the French Doors (one shattered) I felt the faint sting of glass in my foot but ran on, seeing bubbles rising from the pool, I didn't even stop to think, one minute I was running in the grass, the next, I'm diving headfirst into her pool, trying to save a drunk Ashley.

I found her already settled on the pool bottom, her eyes closed. I continued to claw my way through the water, finally grabbing onto one of her floating arms, and pulling her with me as my lungs felt like they were about to explode. I surfaced with a gasp, quickly pulling Ash up as I held her head in my arms. I was crying hysterically as I dog paddled to the shallow end and up the stairs, settling her on the pool deck. I checked her pulse, but found none. I panicked.

"SOMEBODY CALL THE MEDICS!!!!!" 

The cry was enough to shatter glass, and I saw Aiden stumbling over the lawn, now only in his boxers, and even those were looking kind of bare... He had a cellphone and quickly punched in 911, throwing it to me as he looked at Ash, his eyes conveying stark fear and confusion.

"911, what's the emergency?"

"Please, somebody help... she's not breathing, oh my God."

"Calm down, ma'am what happened?"

"She.. she fell from her room into the pool, and she's not breathing."

"Does anyone around you know CPR?"

I looked up to Aiden, but solemnly shook his head.

"No, nobody does, just please, send help."

"We'll be sending the paramedics immediately, what's the address?"

I quickly rattled it off and hung up, choking back my tears as I checked her pulse again. It was there, but faint.

"You promised!!"

She said nothing, but her head lolled to the side.

"YOU PROMISED!!!!!!"

I collapsed on top of her soaking wet body, clinging to it like a lifeline. The minutes ticked off, and I faintly heard the sound of sirens. I was on Ash for what felt like hours before I felt a pair of hands gently lift me off and take Ashley away. I stumbled up as they put her on a stretcher and ran back through the house, now emptied by the sound of sirens. I gave chase, running after them, only to come just in time to see them loading her into the back of an ambulance. I ran after the car as it drove down the street, the sirens cutting through the night like a knife. I finally gave up halfway down the street as a breeze picked up, blowing past me.

"YOU PROMISED ME!!!!!!!"

A/N: I had meant to finish this earlier, but something happened, and I started remembering things that I hadn't thought of in ages. They weren't really nice things to remember, but like all memories they came back anyway. Needless to say, I was in no state to write, so this is a little late, but very long by my standards. Sorry.


	30. LG Fuad

**Jumper**

A/N: Sorry I didn't update, I've been busy reading my books lol. Ok guys, I'm going to be done here in another chapter or 2. I entertained the idea of character death, but I'm too attached to this story to kill anyone off, and if I did kill a character, I would have Paula die in a horrible freak accident involving a shotgun or something like that. So, a big thanks to all my readers and reviewers, you guys are awesome, I love you all. This chapter is also dedicated to my Muse, imarevolution15 again, she gave me the idea and continues to make me update, yelling at me via AIM, yes I admit it, I do lack motivation. And also dedicated to my Raymundo, I'd sing you a rockabye anytime you wanted me to, you make me happy, have fun in LA. --Enjoy--

I don't remember a lot. Something about Spencer and all the guys she was fucking and her ass. That little railing... and my pool. I have no idea how those are connected, and I'm sure their not in the slightest way. But man, I feel like crap. My stomach is doing somersaults, my head feels like someone is playing a Korn concert in my brain, and my body overall feels like I was beaten with baseball bats while I was out of it. And me being Ashley Davies, I think I could believe all of those things happening to me. When I came to, my headache was at its worst, the stark white of the ceiling was blinding, my eyes slamming shut as tears streamed down my face from the pain. The room I was in shook, and I thought I was hallucinating, but I the world suddenly came back in full force, and I could see all of the equipment jolting around, feel the tires running along the pavement, and hear the shriek of the sirens. As soon as everything focused, I passed out again, the last thing I see before everything goes black is a curtain of blonde hair, just as bright as the white ceiling, but never once searing my eyes closed.

The next time I came to, I was on a cold metal table, and there were people surrounding me, all in more white, with little masks over their faces. I saw one of them with a needle in his hand and remember the world shrinking down to a circle of color surrounded by black before going completely numb and out it. The third time I woke up, I was in another room, only this time in a comfy bed, and surrounded by four walls of sickly green. My stomach immediately leaped into my throat, I was in a hospital. I hated hospitals. My hand clutched at the bed sheets, and if they could have bled, they would have died from blood loss in seconds. My breathing began to go up and down at what I'm assuming was a very erratic way, because as soon as the beepy monitor picked up, I was flanked with nurses and doctors. One of them pulled out a giant needle, and I was out before he had uncapped it. I awoke to the same room as before, but the realization had shrunk a little bit, my breathing only becoming strained for a minute or two before I forced it to return to normal, terrified of another needle/black out episode. As my heart rate began to slow, I surveyed my room, seeing the rooms were indeed a sick green, and the ceiling a blinding white, reflecting the light from the lamps off of the floor and into my eyes. I leaned back my head, letting out a loud sigh as my door creaked open. I looked up to see Kyla, my half-sister, tentatively stepping into the room. She gently closed the door with a click before shuffling over to a chair, pulling it closer to the bed before sitting down in it. When we first met, my mom had to pull me aside and tell me to be less intimidating and that I was scaring my half sister half to death.

She was ok, the average straight girl from Baltimore, she had been trying to romance Aiden lately, what she saw in him I might never know, but then again, she was straight, so there could be something I was missing. I found her a bit too perfect for the LA scene, and sometimes wondered why she hadn't burst into flames yet from all the 'corruption'. I halted my thoughts there. I hated when all my thoughts connected to another, all generally leading to the same blonde haired angel of death and heartbreak. She smiled lightly at me as she began to relax, almost deflating into the chair.

"How are you Ash?"

Her voice was way too quiet for me, and I hated how it reminded me more of her.

"I'm fine, you?"

She forced a smile and a laugh, the sound grating against my ear, rougher and more irritating then her voice could ever hope to be.

"I take that as a good?"

I forced a smile in the same manner as hers, but she didn't notice the insult.

"Yeah, its fine. Everyone at the party was really worried sick about you."

I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, I bet they were wondering why the ambulance and a cop car showed up."

She smiled again, and I felt sick to my stomach. It was so weird, and I hadn't understood until that moment in the hospital room with Kyla. When people say "a smile that doesn't reach the eyes", I thought they were just crazy, but I finally saw it in Kyla's eyes. Her face stretched in that practiced smile, but her eyes didn't light up, they showed nothing, no emotion, no feeling, almost like it was an empty room in an emptier apartment. Suddenly, the world went black and white and my head felt like it was about to split in half. I clutched my head and yelled loudly, the sound reverberating in my head, almost like it was empty too. The last thing that flashed through my mind was a set of blue eyes, and my heart raced so fast, it felt like my ribs would crack and fly around me like shrapnel.

"_Why don't you go play outside?"_

_I glanced outside, the thunder and lightning shaking the windows and the rain pouring down in torrents. _

"_But it's raining-"_

"_Now. Please, Ashley darling."_

_She stressed the 'darling' while clutching at random man #1's arm, a fake smile on her face, her eyes vacant and blank. I rolled my eyes and grabbed a jacket, slinging it over my shoulder and walking to the door, turning around once again as I heard giggling float to me. I couldn't see my mom or random man #1 anymore, and I shook my head in disgust, wrenching open the door, getting soaked immediately, stepping outside, and slamming the door shut. The street was practically flooded, the water reaching halfway up my converse. I jumped, sending water out everywhere and up, soaking my jacket. _

_I sighed loudly and sat down in the curb, my previous motions causing ripples to speed out across the black ocean. I kicked my Converse off and set them on the sidewalk, also shedding my jacket and plopping it down next to my shoes. I'm sure I must have looked funny as I stood there, barefoot and in a t shirt and shorts in the pouring rain in a flooded street. Like a tiny Jesus walking on water or something. Suddenly, I remembered a song, and the lyrics began dancing into my head as I headed into the middle of the street, beginning to sing the song._

"Everything's gonna be alright, rockabye, rockabye."

_I began weaving this way and that, barely aware of the tears running down my face and intermixing with the rain water as my feet caused more ripples to race out and cause more, continuing on down the street. _

"All her friends tell her she's so pretty, but she'd be a whole lot prettier if she'd smile every once in a while."

_By now the rain had stopped, and the sun shone weakly through the clouds. I looked to my right and smiled, even as the tears continued to race down my face. It was a rainbow, a dazzling one at that, and it was the kind you saw in drawings and pictures, perfect and colorful, so much so, I felt like I could reach out and touch it. I tried, but only found my hands close around air. I smiled softly, turning back to my house. I found myself tempted to grab my sneakers and sweatshirt and run down the street, escape from that house and never look back. Go to Hawaii or the Bahamas where everyone was happy and it was always sunny. But, something kept me there, and so I stayed. _

"Ash..?"

The voice swam through the memory, and the rainbow suddenly lost its color before the entire scene faded out to black. I opened my eyes briefly, my vision swimming for several minutes before it focused back to normal, my gaze on Kyla.

"Are you ok?"

Her voice was calm, but her eyes panicked. I smiled at it, there was emotion in those eyes. I said nothing as I wordlessly slipped back into darkness. Memories flooded me like a landslide, but not drowning me or suffocating me with nostalgia as they had before. I remembered birthdays, learning a song with my dad, a day when I went to the beach with my mom, meeting Amanda for the first time ever... And meeting Spence for the first time ever. For once, I let the memories, good and bad wash over me and cover me completely from head to toe, settling onto me like a light blanket. I had an eerie awareness of not being awake, but not being asleep, like getting caught in that brief moment when you first wake up, that small space of time where there is no time, no world, just nothing, only, it stretched on, and I didn't snap awake.

The memories continued, jumping here and there, back and forth in time, playing out in perfect HD, almost as if I were there all over again. When Spencer kissed me on the steps in my house, both of us soaked to the bone, I could feel her warm skin pressing against me, her lips perfect, Strawberries driving me to the brink of insanity and euphoria, and then over, straight over the edge of logic and rules to a place where both us could just _be_. If I could have smiled, I would have, and I would have cried for losing Spencer, for living without her, for screwing up the best thing that had ever happened to me, for so many things I would have cried and smiled. Eventually, the memories stopped, and thats when the true darkness descended, covering me and the memories like a second, thicker blanket, and then... nothing.

"Ash!"

The word pierced through the darkness like a shaft of pure light. I'd know that voice anywhere.

"Please, wake up!! I need you!"

What the words were saying didn't matter, just the voice. I tried to answer it, but I found my voice not working.

"I love you! Your promised!!"

The words floated through my mind, going around and around in circles, piercing holes in the darkness like the sun after it rained, peeping out of the clouds and struggling to stay bright. The darkness began to fray and crack, the words still spinning and cracking it further until it shattered away, revealing a bright world. I cursed and slammed my eyes shut again, uttering another curse. I eased my eyes open to find myself _still_ in that dammed room, and I had the sudden urge to shout as loud as possible. But all thoughts of screaming and otherwise stopped when I looked into the bluest eyes I'd ever seen. They were so startling clear, they actually burned my eyes to look at them for too long, but I couldn't pull away, I hadn't been conscious 5 minutes and she was already working her spell on me once again. It was amazing, and I felt myself falling all over again. Suddenly, I remembered why I was here, and I felt my mouth begin before my brain could register, screaming at me "Stop! Stop for Christsakes, your going to drive her away _again_!!!" , but my mouth was already drawing air to speak.

"Why are you here?"

Her eyes never left mine, and I felt them searching me again, looking at me, through me, seeing all of me in one swift glance. Her eyes were focused, her face concentrated.

"You scared me, Ash. The doctors said you might not wake up again..."

She trailed off, afraid to finish the sentence. I scrunched up my face, scrutinizing her.

"How long have I been out Spence?"

She paused, looking at me uncertainly.

"Tell me."

She paused one more time, looking at me before quickly looking away.

"2 weeks."

My eyes widened.

"How long?"

"2 weeks..."

"What the hell did you do to me??"

I bit down on my tongue as soon as that sentence left my mouth.

"I guess I almost killed you..."

She let out a choked laugh, tears threatening her eyes. I began to remember. Everything. St. Mary's, leaving without her, and then discovering her in the bathtub with Mr. Fuck.

"What happened?"

She looked up at me.

"I remember the pool... what happened?"

I saw two lines of shiny water trailing down her face, one from each eye. I lifted my hand, suddenly heavy, but managed to swipe away the two droplets, letting my fingers linger on her skin, trying to remember the last time I'd felt that wonderfully warm and soft surface. I let my hand drop to the bed as she quickly lifted her hand, grabbing onto mine, her fingers running over my knuckles and making goosebumbs pop up on my arm. I missed those hands.

"You found me and... and Derek in the bathtub, then you ran out, and we talked... and then, you ran out on the balcony, and you jumped..."

"So that was his name?"

It hurt to know that Spencer had been in the middle of having drunken sex with a guy. She wouldn't let me anywhere near her shirt, and yet I found her in her underwear underneath him. It really hurt. She saw it too.

"Ash I... it didn't mean anything. He didn't."

"You weren't really drunk were you?"

She sighed again and released my hand, making me feel very cold suddenly.

"I was buzzed. Nothing like that other party. I just... I couldn't stop thinking about you. I didn't want to."

I felt tears sting at my eyes, but blinked them away.

"He just came up from behind and asked me for a dance. I saw you, with another girl, and I just kind of... just snapped."

I sighed and let my eyes fall closed as my head went back to the pillow.

"So what, you were trying to get me jealous by having sex with a random guy?"

"Something like that... Your to blame too, you were dancing with some girl."

I could hear her tone begin to get angry, and I so did not want a shouting match in the state I was in. I kept my temper under control as I forced words out of my mouth.

"I was hammered ok Spence? My normally horrible judgment gets even worse, and we were just dancing."

"Still."

Her eyes glowed defiantly, and I knew this was just part of mending the hurt, getting everything out there, owning up to our mistakes, blaming this and that.

"You would've gone all the way with him?"

I screwed my eyes shut, terrified of the answer.

"Yeah... I think I would've."

My eyes snapped open and looked at her, and if looks could kill, she would have dropped dead seconds ago.

"Why?"

She suddenly stood up and turned her back on me as I saw her shoulders heave, the sound of her gasping breathes reaching my ears.

"You hurt me Ash, you hurt me so bad."

She whirled around, pointing at me. I opened my mouth to rebuke, but my brain finally took control of my mouth, slamming it shut, she needed to get this out of her system.

"I was trying to compensate is all, trying to get rid of that gaping void you left in me, that huge chasm of nothing that you carved into me. I was lonely, I think I was even suicidal Ash, you almost _killed_ me Ashley, _killed_ me. Do you know what its like when there's nothing left?"

My mouth broke free of the reins of logic as I sat up, glaring fire at her.

"If Amanda wasn't the first time I'd felt empty, I sure as hell felt hollow as hell when you didn't come back with me. You took just as much of me as I did of you. I was able to deal with it ok."

I slapped myself mentally. Like hell I dealt with it ok, I was a wreck. Spence knew too.

"You were stone drunk every day Ashley! I talked to Aiden, he said you hadn't put down a bottle in weeks!! Is that how you _deal_??"

"Better then trying to fucking kill myself like some little old lonely goth girl! Heartbreak happens, it's a part of life as much as breathing and eating is. It happens to everyone!"

She stopped, and drew back a step. The world began to get fuzzy at the edges, but I tried to push it away, shaking my head to get rid of it. It began to slowly eat at the image in front of me, but I was desperate, trying to cling onto her.

"Spencer, it doesn't matter what I've done to you or what you did to me, or how bad we both fucked up, or what we said, none it matters, because I still love you."

She broke down then, the world beginning to lose its color next as the fuzz began to eat rapidly away at the picture. She looked up at me, and her eyes were in color, startling color as tears ran down her face. I was dimly aware of the now loud beeping going crazily fast to my left as Spence opened her motuh to say something, but just then, it was like someone hit the lights in my head, cloaking everything in darkness again.

"I love you!!!"

A/N: Sorry I took such a long break, and sorry this is so short, I don't mean to make them too short. Anyway, I'm exhausted, thanks for keeping me going revolution, I'm off to bed, tomorrow Harry Potter comes out!!! w00t!!!!!!!!!


	31. Back in Your Head

**Jumper**

**  
**A/N: Sorry sorry sorry. God I suck. I don't really have any valid and believable excuses for this one, but I do have slightly plausible reasons. I've been feeling angsty and brooding lately (don't ask), and I tend to over-think things sometimes, so I spent most of the week in my room with music and books. Fortunately, I have some good friends, and I'm feeling a lot less angsty. I promise no more pauses or anything. Dedicated once again to imarevolution15, she provides the occasional violent shove in the right direction and keeps me focused, a monumental task I must say, I enjoy being your little voice. Thanks to all my readers and reviewers, expect this chapter and next one to be hella long. --Enjoy--

I had collapsed in the middle of the street, screaming after the departing ambulance, tears running down my face and soaking my already drenched shirt. The weather had suddenly turned from nice and summer-y to cold and bitter, an icy wind had begun to blow and I found myself shivering in a curled up ball. I heard running footsteps and my sight was blocked by a pair of bare feet.

"Spence...?"

I sniffed loudly, not wanting to look up at Aiden.

"What happened?"

I said nothing, but shakily got up, the world spinning around me as I suddenly lost my footing. My arms pinwheeled and were caught by Aiden who pulled me back up and looked at me. I hiccuped softly and looked anywhere but at Aiden.

"Can I borrow your car Aid?"

I finally dragged my concentration to his face, scrunched up in thought it seemed, still scrutinizing me. He finally sighed and walked back to the house, coming back out several minutes later with keys in one hand and a blanket in the other. He put both in my arms and patted me on the head.

"Take good care of her, God knows what happens when you let her wander off for 5 minutes."

He gave me a childish grin, winking before jogging back to the crowd on the grass, waving his arms to signal a scatter as I heard the distant scream of a Police siren. I wrapped myself up in the blanket, finding it smelling like Lilacs and Vanilla, sending a new batch of tears streaming down my face. I found Aiden's Xterra and fumbled with the keys until I found the unlock button, practically falling into the huge seats as I sat down. I let out a loud sigh as I put the keys in ignition, slamming the door shut and trying to move the seat up, my feet barely touching the pedals. I finally succeeded in moving several inches and found myself comfortably strapped in. I took in a deep breath, trying to remember Ash's instructions on driving. I glanced over at the passenger seat, seeing Ash there, a toothy grin on her face, and her eyes lit up with the glint of mischief. I smiled weakly, putting the car in drive, and lightly pushing on the gas pedal, finding myself going at a comfortable speed of 30 miles an hour as opposed to my usual break-neck speed. I smiled lightly as I pulled out of the neighborhood, successfully keeping my speed under the limit and not hitting a single person or trashcan. By the time I was at the first stoplight, I was beaming at my success, ready to tell Ash the moment I saw her.

My face fell as I remembered what happened, the car temporarily taking away the memories. My hands suddenly gripped onto the steering wheel until they felt ready to collapse under the huge pressure I was making them exert, and tears threatened my vision again. I managed to get the car moving again, cruising down the empty streets, suddenly devoid of life and color, almost as if mourning for the loss of Ashley. I shook my head furiously, she wasn't dead, she'd be fine. I had no idea where the car was guiding me to until I found myself outside of the local hospital, where my mom worked incidentally. I prayed crazily that this wasn't where Ash was, if that was the case, and my mom had been assigned to look after her, she'd already be dead. I quickly hopped out of the car, running towards the front reception desk and nearly running into it. I startled the young nurse working there, and she turned to me with a scowl. I didn't back down though, and fixed her with an equally evil look.

"Can I help you miss?"

Her voice was annoyed and she glared at me from underneath her glasses.

"I'm looking for someone, Ashley Davies."

"When was she admitted?"

"Tonight."

"One moment please..."

She disappeared into a small room behind the counter and came back out, her look just a little less suspicious.

"She's in the ER right now, no one is permitted to visit her. Are you a family member?"

"Yes."

My mouth spit it out before my brain could stop it, and I knew that by now, my heart was controlling every movement I made. The nurse gave me a once over, her angry look disappearing all together as she motioned for me to lean closer. I did as she whispered to me.

"I'm not supposed to be giving out patient information, but you look desperate. She's unconscious from water intake, and their having some trouble bringing her around. There's also a dangerous level of alcohol in her system, and she may have gone into antiseptic shock."

I said nothing, only stared at her mutely.

"Dr. Carlin is taking care of her, she's in good hands, if you wait, I can get you her room number later on."

I only nodded as tears once again streamed down my face. The nurse gave me a pitying look.

"There's a chance she might not come out of the shock."

I didn't respond, just limped to the nearest chair, collapsing into it as I pulled my knees to my chest, heaving sobs onto my still wet jeans. I stayed curled up for hours, alone in my own soaked world, the blanket and my memories the only thing shielding me from reality. Ash could be dead. She could be gone and I wouldn't ever know it. I wouldn't tell her how sorry I was. How much I loved her. How that guy didn't mean anything to me, it was just another attempt to rid myself of her. But she wasn't going anywhere. I might have realized it too late. My hands clenched and unclenched my sopping wet jeans, my mind in complete chaos. I jumped violently when I felt someones hand on my shoulder. My head snapped up and banged against the wall, a small groan escaping my mouth as my world began to focus. And of course it focuses on the one person I don't want it to focus on.

"Honey...? What are you doing her? What's wrong? Is Glen hurt?? Is Clay hurt??? Are YOU hurt???!"

I sighed, it was now or never. I glanced behind my mother to see the nurse give me and encouraging nod, waving a piece of paper with a number on it. 24A. I bowed my head slightly as she walked off, leaving me alone with my mom. I drew in a deep breath, disengaging my brain from my mouth once and for all.

"No, everyone's fine... It's Ash..."

Her face froze, and the panicked look in her eye was replaced by a look of pure hatred.

"Ashley?? That horrible girl??! I thought you were 'cured'-"

"That's just it though mom, it's not a 'disease' or anything that parasitic, its who I am, that's who Ash is, and I love her, nothing can fix that or 'cure' it, or whatever was supposed to happen to me at St. Mary's"

Her mouth had dropped open, and for a moment I wildly hoped she had died standing up and I could brush past her on my way to Ash.

"You are forbidden to see her. Do you hear me? You will NOT throw away thousands of dollars on some girl-"

"She is not just some girl! She is Ashley, she is my girl, I love her, and it doesn't matter what you think or want for me, she makes me happy mom, so happy, and I won't lose her again because of you."

I walked past her, but felt the pale hand lock onto my arm with a vice like grip. I cringed inwardly as she whirled me around to face her.

"Your fixed Spencer baby, you don't have to keep pretending, your not gay... it's just a phase..."

She was past rage, she was onto the hopeless ploy, but my anger was seething by now.

"What, like your and dad's was? Does he know that your running around behind his back fucking some doctor??"

The sting didn't even register, and the only reason I knew I'd been hit was my mom's hand coming back down to rest by her side. She suddenly released me, looking at the ground.

"I'm only trying to help baby, can't you understand?"

"That you don't want me happy? No, I can't understand, I don't know who you are, but you sure aren't my mother anymore."

I walked past, the nurse giving me a thumbs up as I practically ran for the elevator, quickly punching the button, the weight of what I'd just done settling on me, but also lifting something off of me. I was finally free. I didn't have to hide anymore, I was free of mom's tyranny, and the next time I stood against her, if I ever had to again, I would have Ash holding my hand, and I wouldn't be afraid anymore. The new weight that settled on me was comforting and light, and I couldn't help the smile that found its way to my face. I burst out into the hall, frantically running past doors, counting off numbers in my head as the sound of my barefeet slapping the tiled floor echoed around me. I skidded to a stop in front of it... 24A.

I paused with my hand on the cold knob. Did I really want to see this? Ash, so strong and sure hooked up to tubes and machines, counting off her life and how stable it was? Could I handle it? I brushed the thoughts aside, it didn't matter, she needed me, and I knew I was way past needing her. I opened the door softly, bracing myself for a horrible image. It was just as bad as I could have thought it was. Every exposed piece of skin had bandages on it, or needles and tubes sticking out, the machines counting off her precious heartbeat, the beat that counted out her life as well as mine. I chocked back more sobs, it didn't matter if she had an Iron Lung now, she was alive, she was with me, and I wasn't leaving ever, ever again. I pulled up a chair and sat down at her side, the tears almost over-whelming me, it was killing me to see her like this, so weak and vulnerable. I was so used to the cocky and seemingly invincible girl, the one who didn't back down, the one who was always holding up the walls that were crashing down around me, the one who would answer my calls when I was sobbing or would hold me, the one that always cared, and never asked for anything in return.

I grabbed her hand, finding it still miraculously warm, causing me to shiver slightly as the cold descended upon me in one fail swoop. It always seemed my world was so cold compared to hers. My thumb began to stroke her warm skin automatically, falling into the well known and loved routine, finding her hand so wonderfully soft and warm. It calmed me. She calmed me. Even when she was in a coma, she had the ability to quiet my thoughts to a dull roar, silence the nagging doubts and insecurities. Just leave me as I should be, just me. I pulled my chair closer and leaned back into the slightly uncomfortable material, my hand still on hers, and hours began to fall off, until I found myself being shaken awake by a pair of hands. I jumped up, terrified that it was my mom back for round two of our death match, but found myself looking up into my fathers worn face, and into his tired eyes. He smiled worriedly at me.

"Glen called and told me, I got here as soon as I got off."

My barriers broke and I collapsed into him, his long arms curling around me and pushing me closer into his chest, and I suddenly felt safe for the first time in several weeks. I sobbed into his shirt as he stroked my hair and rocked us back and forth. I finally regained what little composure was left and stood back, watching him scan me with his eyes. He put on another tired smile and sat at the edge of the bed, his gaze lingering on Ash.

"She must really be something."

I smiled another half-hearted one and sat back down on my chair as my hand resumed the motion of stroking her skin. I sighed.

"I think you should go for a bit, Spence."

My head snapped up like it was on a string and I stared at him. He seemed to read my eyes as he softly chuckled.

"Not like that, you don't look so good is all, I've had personal experience, and I can safely say, you never get a full nights sleep in a hospital."

I tried to pout at him, but my pouting skills were shot, and I slowly stood up, giving Ash's hand a soft squeeze before laying it back on the bed. Dad put his arm over my shoulders and walked me out. He softly closed the door and we walked in silence to the elevator, still not speaking when we emerged outside, the air suddenly cold again. I pulled the blanket tighter around me as dad steered me to the Chevy. We got home after several more minutes of silence and I practically collapsed onto my bed the moment I touched it. I'm not sure how long I slept, it seemed like days before I even cracked open my eyes, only pulling them back shut when I saw my mom hovering over me like a hawk. But, you can only fake sleep for so long before it gets old. I faked a yawn and stretched, sitting up slowly to look at my moms dull yet still razor sharp eyes staring at me. I shivered when I saw nothing behind those blue orbs. She put her hand on my shoulder, but I only shrugged it off, getting off the bed and standing up, staring at my wall.

"Spencer, honey... baby..."

I whirled around, anger suddenly seeping from every pore as I felt a blind rage I had never experienced.

"I'm happy mom!! I am happy, I don't care what you want for me, or from me, whatever, Ash is all I want, not who you want, what _I _want."

She didn't say anything, just stood immobile, staring at me.

"Was it something I did? Are you mad at me? We can fix this, you just have to-"

I had been heading for the door when I turned again, giving her an incredulous look.

"There's nothing to 'fix' here, I'm happy, deal with it."

"Spence..." 

She choked on my name, making it sound like a rusty gear going over another, causing me to shiver again.

"I'm leaving, me and your father had a talk, and we've decided that we should... should take a break, work things out."

My hands clenched into fists, and I gave her one last glare.

"Good, say hi to Dr. Honey for me."

She brushed roughly past me, knocking me against the doorframe as she stomped down the stairs. I heard the final slamming of the garage door, and the last ear shattering engine rev of the Chevy before I heard the rubber hitting the pavement, and the screeching of it running down the street and taking the right turn, finally gone forever. It was almost as if a shadow had lifted from our house, and I could see the sunlight pouring in from the windows, feeling the breeze run up the stairs and hit me. I sighed contentedly, walking down the stairs, finding dad on the couch with Glen and Clay, shouting at the screen as a huge explosion rocked the tv set, sending up several curses and a distinct "yes!" from dad. I rolled my eyes, grabbing the keys and getting my sandals, hearing another chorus of curses as I backed out of the driveway. Boys.

I made it to the hospital, again, and as I entered the building, my heart sank just a little as my mind replayed what she had looked like last time, how fragile and vulnerable she appeared to me. I quickly walked past the desk, giving a small wave to the nurse who returned the wave and gave me a small smile as I brushed roughly past my mother, who only gave me a disdained look as I passed. I quickly got to the elevator, my heart slowly falling as the elevator rose, finally letting me off into a bare hallway. I made my way down the hall, stopping halfway down when I saw several doctors and nurses crowding a doorway as shouts drifted down the silent corridor to me. All of it originated from room number 24A. She still managed to cause trouble while in antiseptic shock. I began running down, stopping outside the room as I heard more shouts from inside, one piercing my heart as I recognized a hoarse shout. I instantly ran into the white blob, only to be dragged out as I heard her cry again, this time joined by another voice shouting, "sedate her!". I clawed wildly, still trying to fight my way through, only to be tossed back into the hallway as the cries finally subsided. Silence descended upon the hallway as I slowly backed up, my back finally hitting the cold wall, my legs giving out as I slid down the wall, watching the now quiet nurses and doctors leave one by one. The final nurse emerged, closing the door with an ominous _click_ that echoed from my head into my now missing heart. She began to walk towards the elevator as I struggled to gain control of my legs, finally catching up to her.

"Wait!!"

She turned, startled by my voice. She looked at me, pursing her lips.

"Please, is... is she ok?"

"She'll be fine, just had a seizure after coming out of shock. It's normal for these cases."

I wanted to shout at her "Normal?? You think my girlfriend convulsing and shouting bloody murder is _normal??"_

I managed to contain my voice as she continued to stare at me.

"Will she be ok then?"

"We've sedated her, she'll be fine..."

I heaved a sigh, but my breath caught in mid-throat as she continued her sentence.

"...she's slipping back into shock, maybe even comatose, we can't bring her around."

She left me, and I heard nothing, felt nothing, just the urge to break down that door and scream at Ash to snap out of it, come back to me. But, I found my feet immobile, time just a foreign concept as potential hours fell off, leaving me still in that cold hallway, alone and surrounded by the dead and dying. I'm not sure when, but I arrived home eventually, the trip from the hallway to the car, and the drive home a complete blur as I found myself on my bed suddenly, clutching onto a hapless pillow, squeezing the life out of it as I sobbed into my comforter, still smelling faintly of Lilacs and Vanilla. More hours faded into the oncoming darkness, not noticed by me as the tears continued, seeming to well up from nowhere, but still staining my face on their downward journey, soaking into the comforter which by now had enough liquid to give to a 3rd world country in Africa.

My head pounded, my nose felt like putty, and my entire body hurt from the sheer sadness of what I was feeling. If someone were there to witness it, I'm sure they would have committed suicide, hell, I felt like I wanted to do that. The window was open, the warm breeze suddenly mocking me, taunting me to lean outside and smell the fresh air scented with happiness and love, all the things I hadn't felt in weeks. My hands had still managed to keep their deathgrip on the poor pillow, and if it had been a living thing, it would have been dead hours ago from oxygen deprivation and blood loss. The tears finally slowed to a trickle, a particularly bad sobbing fit seizing me every few minutes as the memories crowed around in my head, telling their stories one by one as if on a camping trip around the fire. It was dark, and the breeze had turned cold, but I found no want to get up and shut the window, the cold stabbing through me the only thing reminding me I was alive when I felt dead on the inside. I heard sirens in the distance, making my already splitting headache that much worse, my fingers beginning to feel numb against the soft fabric of my pillow and my legs fast asleep, cutting off all options of movement for a while. My eyelids began to weigh down, almost as if little dumbbells were attached to each, dragging them down until I finally passed into a fitful sleep, complete with my own, personal nightmare.

_Rain beat down on the umbrella above me, making maddening noise all around me as I stood in front of a lone tombstone, grey and somber against the grass behind it. A tree stood a few feet away, its branches stretching over me and the tombstone, dropping heavier droplets onto the umbrella. Nothing moved but the grass being blown by a cold wind, and the branches creaking above, disturbing the razor sharp silence that was cutting into me deeper by the second. I gazed at the epitaph, I fought furiously with the thing that called herself Ash's mother, and finally won, letting her pick out the location while I decided what it would read._

_She Loved._

_Was Loved._

_And will always have our love._

_The cemetery sat on the coast, several miles from the Oregon/California state lines, overlooking the limitless ocean and sky. I looked up and saw the sky was a mixture of a bruised purple and blood red as if someone had beaten it almost to death. Thunder rumbled in the distance and I knew the storm wasn't far off. The air smelled sharp and was charged with energy of the potential electricity in the air. I breathed in deep, closing my eyes and bidding Ash a goodnight, turning to leave just as the first bolt of lightning shattered the sky and the dull rumble of thunder became ear splitting..._

I shot up in bed, covered in sweat and tears as I shook all over, the dream replaying at a fast pace in my head, taunting me every time it started over again. It had seemed so real, almost as if... I bolted out of bed, promptly tripping over the pool of sheets and blankets at the foot of the bed, running blindly down the hallway, almost falling down the stairs as a pair of hands held me by my shoulders. I flailed wildly in them, trying to free myself as I was gently turned around. I knew it was dad, and the darkness cloaked his features, so I stood face to face with a faceless creature who spouted sadness and regret.

"Dad... it's Ash, she's... I think she's..."

He put a hand on my cheek, the roughness making me shiver as I felt his lifeless eyes gaze over me.

"The hospital did call..."

I choked on the air, on life itself it seemed.

"She's in comatose."

Everything went black. 

"Spence...?"

For a minute, my heart-if it was actually there- stopped. My eyes shot open, but I only shut them again, finding myself looking at the same damn ceiling, and a familiar face, but not the one I needed to look at.

"Hey dad, she's comin around!"

It was Glen.

"Hey, baby sis, you doin ok? You went down like a drunk bum in the hallway." 

Even as he spoke I felt my head beginning to pulse, and I knew that there would be a large and angry mark there the next time I looked into a mirror. Dad appeared in the doorway, looking at least 20 years older, his face looking like it was on the verge of falling off altogether. He motioned for Glen to leave, toussling my hair as he left, shooting me a wink as dad shut the door and sat down on my bed.

"You really did take a hard fall, I was afraid you'd have to go to the hospital too."

I smiled weakly at him, desperate to convince him I was fine so I could drive to the hospital and see Ash. He must have sensed it because he got up and looked me over.

"How many fingers am I holding up?"

He put two fingers in front of my face.

"Two."

"And now?"

Two more fingers went up.

"Four."

"Your name is...?"

"Spencer."

"Your favorite family member is...?"

I really smiled this time as I climbed out of bed and hugged him feeling him lightly pat me on the back.

"Well, get dressed and I'll drive you down there."

I nodded, quickly heading for the shower. I was out several minutes later, throwing on a pair of old jeans and a t shirt. Halfway out my bedroom door, I paused, these were the jeans I was wearing when we first... I cut off the thought, quickly running down the stairs and out to the car, dad sitting in the driver side. We drove in silence, him giving me a silent kiss as I slid out of the car, quickly walking to the doors, once again passing by the nurse who wore no smile today, and no sign of my mom. I again got into the elevator, my heart plunging this time as the doors slid open, revealing a bare white hall, and as I glanced cautiously down it, no shouting nurses and doctors or convulsing girlfriend. I timidly walked down the hall, half expecting to find Ash dead on the ground and surrounded by needles. I shook the thought away, turning into a silent room, still filled with the ever-present beeping, seeming to count out what little was left in my traumatic life. Everything appeared the same, but something felt different. Ashley wasn't here. Sure, her body was, but _she _wasn't. She was alive, but somehow, she was somewhere else, and I vainly wished I could be put in a bed and comatose so I could follow her to wherever she had wandered off to.

I sat down heavily in the chair beside her bed, hand grabbing hers, but finding it clammy and lukewarm. I squeezed harder, trying to elicit an angry "get off!" or any sort of response, only getting a beep in return and the sound of her steady breathing. The tears were back again from that unlimited source, begging to make more tracks down my face, but I refused to let them out, I was going to be the strong one, just this once I was going to be there for her. I'm not sure how long passed as I sat there in the chair, her hand in mine as I was left alone with my thoughts and regrets and memories. Occasionally I was disturbed by a nurse coming to check on us, make sure everything keeping Ash alive was doing good. I fell asleep in that chair. I pondered in that chair. I sobbed in that chair. I yelled in that chair. I practically lived in that damned plastic seat, until I had the notion that if I were to stand up, the chair would be attached to my butt and I would have to waddle around with it forever. Everytime I stood up, I was proved wrong, to my amusement until the 10th or 11th tine came around and I accepted that I would not have a piece of plastic replace my ass .

Ash had stayed the same, stable, and of course, comatose. I overheard the doc talking to nurse who checked Ash's life support about the potential of her becoming brain dead. Her mother had called and said unless she recovered in the next couple of weeks, they were cutting the life support and letting it ride its course, the hospital bills were "way too damn much". That night I dreamed of murdering Ash's mom with an axe while she slept. I was practically living at the hospital now, I was a regular at the front desk when my thoughts became too much to handle, and I made good friends with Ellen, the nurse who showed me Ash's room. I was on a first name basis with all the doctors, and after a while, they stopped asking me to leave when visiting hours were over. I even came in one day to find a blanket and pillow set on the chair I manned for hours at a time. I had also met Ash's half sister, Kyla. She was nice, we talked for hours everytime she stopped by, it was amazing that she was in any way related to Ash. She was the exact opposite of her, and I could see the type of slap fights those two could get into.

Eventually, 2 weeks had fallen off, and while I was at home (a rare occurrence) I could sense the air changing around me, the air palpable with electricity and energy, just like that night in my dream. That nightmare also got nightly airplay in my head, terrifying me at least 3 to 4 times a week. Anyway, the air suddenly changed as I was sitting down to some of dad's world famous spaghetti, I felt the air shift around me, and dad had barely sat down before I was running out the door, shouting apologies, sprinting to the Chevy with new energy I didn't know I possessed, and gunning out of the driveway, going Fast and Furious to the hospital, quickly thanking God that there were no cops out on duty for that drive. I bolted from the car and power-walked past the reception quickly waving off Ellen as I slammed into the elevator, my heart staying put instead of the usual sinking feeling I got as I went up. I broke out at a full dash as soon as the doors slid open, sliding to a stop outside the room, taking one last breath before walking in. Everything looked normal. The beeps seemed the same as always. But I knew there was something different. As soon as the thought passed through my head, I heard the heart rate begin to pick up, going erratic. Panic seized at my throat as I saw Ashley begin to turn this way and that. Terrified of another round of "lets see how many needles we can stick in her", I quickly ran and shut the door, locking it as I turned back to Ash. She was beginning to shake, and I knew I was losing her.

"Ash!"

My mouth spoke without my knowing it.

"Please, wake up!! I need you!"

The machine only sped up, barely any time between each beat, and only seeming to get faster. Tears were back, stronger then ever as I felt the fragile walls I had managed to get up beginning to crack and fray.

"I love you!! You promised!!!"

The mad beeps suddenly stopped, and I felt the world fade, beginning to go black as my lungs choked on nothing. Suddenly, one earth-shattering beep cut through me, and I heard it followed by another, and another, and finally, a procession of normal beeps. I couldn't believe it. Her eyes opened, and I saw the first sight of chocolate brown in what seemed like life whithering years. I tried to speak, but said nothing as I continued to watch her as she scanned the room, her eyes finally falling on mine. She looked confused, angry, sad, and relieved almost. We stayed like that, motionless for what could have been days, until she finally drew breath to speak, and I knew that the battle was beginning.

"Why are you here?"

I sighed inwardly, this was going to hurt. I looked up at her eyes again, trying to see if she was really there, or just gone like last time. I smiled a little, she was there alright, I saw that spark in her eyes, just waiting to ignite into a full fledged forest fire.

"You scared me, Ash. The doctors said you might not wake up again..."

Yes, the subject change tactic, because that always works on Ash.

"How long have I been out Spence?"

I almost melt when she says my name like that, her voice floating through my mind, blocking out any coherent thoughts whatsoever. I failed to answer her, because she asked again.

"Tell me."

Such a simple command, and I'm always helpless to what she wants.

"2 weeks."

It burned my tongue to say it as I realized how much time I had spent here, waiting for her to wake up. A huge portion of my life it seemed, definitely taking off whatever was left of my lifespan.

"How long?"

"2 weeks..."

"What the hell did you do to me??"

I looked up at her, seeing disbelief and regret etched on her face.

"I guess I almost killed you..."

Laughter bubbled out of me before I could stop it, and I guess it was right, I had almost killed her. She was silent as more tears began to batter at my emotional dam, making it weaker by the second. Several minutes passed before she spoke again.

"What happened?"

My breath hitched, I was afraid she'd ask, I didn't want to recount those events, and I was trying to find a way to erase that night from my mind altogether.

"I remember the pool...what happened?"

She wanted me to tell her, but I couldn't do it, I was terrified of what could happen if we had to go over it again. I was thinking my own thoughts as a warm touch startled me out of it, her hand weakly brushing something off of my cheeks. I sniffed and realized I had start crying again. Her hand dropped to the bed, alone as I lunged to grab it, finding it warm again as tears began to trickle down again. Just feeling that skin again, finally alive, was almost enough to cause me to break down and throw myself onto her. She deserved to know.

"You found me and... and Derek in the bathtub, then you ran out, and we talked... and then, you ran out on the balcony, and you jumped..."

I trailed off as a little trailer of it happened again in my head, that sickening crack and almost heart-stopping splash from over 10 feet down.

"So that was his name?"

I looked up to see her struggling with tears as well, and it only made me increase my grip on her hand, desperately trying to convey everything I was feeling into one touch. No such luck of course.

"Ash I... it didn't mean anything. He didn't."

That was something of a lie, she might have known it too. He was my first attempt at forgetting Ash, throwing everything we had out the window, and he certainly would not have been my last if not for her walking in on us.

"You weren't really drunk were you?"

I sighed again, pulling my hand away, terrified of what she was asking me to do. She was asking me to admit that I would have had sex with a guy who I hadn't known more then an hour over her, while still somewhat sober.

"I was buzzed. Nothing like at that other party. I just...I couldn't stop thinking about you. I didn't want to."

There was a small silence, and I knew she was silently encouraging me to finish explaining.

"He just came up from behind and asked for a dance. I saw you, with another girl, and I just kind of... just snapped."

Great Spence, play the blame game now, you are so useless.

"So what, you were trying to get me jealous by having sex with a random guy?"

"Something like that... you were to blame too, you were dancing with that girl."

My mind continued to shout at me. Blaming would not help, it was only going to make things worse. So much worse.

"I was hammered ok Spence? My normally horrible judgment gets even worse, and we were just dancing."

My mouth began forming words before I could get a handle on them.

"Still."

Wow, good job there Spencer, somebody get her an award please! Best comeback ever.

"You would've gone all the way with him?"

She slammed her eyes shut, and the words were bubbling to the surface again, and I had no way to stop them as they passed my lips.

"Yeah... I think I would've."

"Why?"

Just that simple word almost stopped my heart forever. She sounded so confused and hurt and angry all at the same time, and it was also a plead for me to just drop it and leave everything alone. Walk out of the room and away from her. Make her stop hurting so much. I turned from her, afraid to look at her, afraid that I'd listen to what those eyes were asking me to do. Because I couldn't exist without her. A sob escaped my suddenly tight throat as more tears came up, anger beginning to well up along with everything else.

"You hurt me Ash, you hurt me so bad."

I turned around, pointing a finger at her, this sudden anger scaring me, but making me feel empowered too.

"I was trying to compensate is all, trying to get rid of that gaping void you left in me, that huge chasm of nothing that you carved into me. I was lonely, I think I was even suicidal Ash, you almost _killed _me Ashley, _killed_ me. Do you know what it's like when nothings left?" 

I clamped my mouth shut at the last sentence, of course she did, we both knew she did, and I'd taken the low road... again.

"If Amanda wasn't the first time I'd felt empty, I sure as hell felt hollow as hell when you didn't come back with me. You took just as much as me as I took of you. I was able to deal with it ok."

I almost scoffed at her, replaying a conversation with Aiden, looking at her from across that packed dancefloor at a drunk Ash, exuding nothing but alcohol.

"You were stone drunk everyday Ashley! I talked to Aiden, he said you hadn't put down a bottle in weeks!! Is that how you _deal_??!"

The anger was back again, and I was beginning to feel drained, I didn't want this, I wanted her to be stand up, be perfectly fine, and push me against the wall as those hands flew over my body and her lips made me forget the universe.

"Better then trying to fucking kill myself like some little old lonely goth girl! Heartbreak happens, it's a part of life as much as breathing and eating is. It happens to everyone!"

I paused. She was right. Ash began to shake her head a little bit, and I was afraid she'd slip back, and all we would have ever done was point fingers and shout.

"Spencer, it doesn't matter what I've done to you or what you did to me, or how bad we both fucked up, or what we said, none it matters, because I still love you."

Tears were now freely flowing, and I managed the smallest of smiles, finally accepting everything she had done, everything I had done, everything we'd done together, apart, thinking of each other while we were apart, it was all ok and it didn't matter, we had each other. The beeping became erratic again, and all I could do was sob harder as I saw those eyes close again. I couldn't lose her. So I did the only thing I knew to do.

"I love you!!"

Her heart beat slowed again, just as the door burst open with a troop of white clad figures, pushing me out of the room as the hall was filled with shouts again, but no wild flailing or hoarse shouts from her. And without those, it seemed... so... silent. Everyone filed out again, but as the last nurse left, she didn't close the door, but had it open just a sliver, enough to let me know that it was going to be alright. I didn't move or get up, I just sat there looking at that one sliver, knowing that she was fine, and that we would be together soon. I sat there for hours (I had a watch this time), watching that sliver, trying to get the courage to approach it, knowing full well as soon as I stepped across the doorway, we'd have to start all over again, from everything to trust to laughs, and everything else. I stayed in my lonely silence until I heard something. Barely a whisper on anything, but I heard it. Several minutes later, I heard it again, and then the door creaked open, and there, in one of those horribly revealing hybrid dress thing, was my Ashley.

"Shouldn't you be lying down?"

She gave me a toothy grin, and I felt my legs go weak, even as I was sitting down.

"What, and spend any more time then already away from you?"

Neither of us moved, and one of the familiar silences descended, the warm and comforting kind.

"I'm sorry Ashley. I really am."

She still smiled at me, and I felt my head fall to the side a little, confused as to what she was staring at.

"I don't care, now come over here and kiss me dammit."

I stood up, my legs asleep as I stumbled over to her, finally reaching her after what felt like an eternity of stumbling across that hallway. She was leaning against the doorway, her arms crossed as she took me in, her eyes almost reverent as they locked with mine. I couldn't help the grin that began to work itself onto my face.

"I love you, Ashley Davies."

"Oh shut up and kiss me for Christsake."

Her hands un-crossed and buried themselves in my hair as our faces crashed together. My heart probably stopped working altogether as soon as our lips connected. They were still as soft as they had always been, and I found myself beginning the all too familiar ascent from which I doubted I'd ever come down from. Lilacs and Vanilla invaded every pore and every fiber of my being as we broke, our foreheads still touching as I looked into her eyes.

"Tell me you love me."

I sighed, a grin again on my face.

"Oh shut up and kiss me."

"Hey!"

I cut her off with my lips again, the sound lost somewhere between her throat and mine, the sound reverberating as I felt her hands glide from my hair to my back and then to my hips, their favorite resting place. I knew by the time we would be leaving the hospital, we'd be having a fight, probably about something incredibly stupid or petty, and definitely not the last, but that was fine, we'd faced worse after all. She smiled brilliantly at me, giving me a kiss on the nose.

"I missed you."

"I know."

We both smiled.

A/N: Took FOREVER to write this, God this was long, last chapter on its way after this, and an end to this epic story (coughs).


	32. Ocean Breathes Salty Epilogue

**Jumper**

A/N: Well, what am I gonna say for my final A/N? I'll start out like everyone else does. Thank you to my reviewers, you guys are so cool and supportive, and I feel like I'm friends with all you guys, your like my huge adoptive family, and I love everyone. Also to my readers, thanks for sticking with this through all my angst and bad grammar, and everything, and to YOU, whoever you are for reading through 31 chapters of fluff and angst and cursing and almost rape and everything else, just one chapter left. I'll be back soon enough with whatever I spit out in my spare time, feel free to PM and whatever else, I love the friends I've made through fanfic. Now I'll stop blathering and let you read it, this chapter is dedicated to everyone from South of Nowhere section, --Enjoy--

The wind whipped my hair all around, and I couldn't suppress the smile that had been dying to shine out at the world. I looked over and saw her, the same brilliant smile I knew I was wearing as I finally heard a small 'tap' come from somewhere below our feet, the pedal, with her foot on top of it finally reaching the floor of the car. I started laughing as we zoomed past countless miles of asphalt, ocean and sky. I'd kept my promise and given it to her as a graduation present, her mind going straight here as soon as I handed her the keys to it. We hadn't been graduated 5 minutes before we were hurriedly throwing suitcases and boxes into the back seats and trunks, Spence taking out all of her money she'd saved, and me taking off with mom's plastic, hitting the road in record time. We were ok. We were better then ok, were great, and we fought about everything, we got put down daily, we got made fun of and harassed, but we had each other, and no matter what happens here or with us, or at our new house out in Oregon, we were going to be fine... we'd been through worse after all.

**Spence**

I finally felt the pedal hit the floor of the car, and I smiled wider, chancing a look to my right, seeing Ash gripping the side of the car for dear life, her other hand on my leg, her face wide in a huge smile. I could catch snatches of her laughter as the wind picked it up and carried it off in the opposite direction. We were finally free. I doubted we were ever going back to LA now. We had my car, we had each other, and we had the road and a house waiting for us somewhere in Oregon. She'd kept her promise and put the keys in my shaking hands before graduation, making me almost faint from joy as my mind soared to one place, and one place only. She'd almost read my mind and we were gone as soon as diplomas were handed out. I don't think we were ever going to look back. We took a lot of crap from everyone this year. Turns out there were a lot more homophobes then I remember. We'd walk into school everyday with our hands clasped together, and we'd walk out everyday, whether we were happy or not, we always had each other at the end of the day.

"Can you go any faster Spence??"

She had to shout into my ear, only making my smile wider, slamming my foot down onto the floor again, hearing the engine roar. Her hand again squeezed on my thigh and I laughed out loud, the sound getting picked up as well, sweeping backwards. The sun had just begun to set and the clouds looked like little explosions in the sky, the sky itself looking bloodred as it gazed down on us. I grinned as I saw a board coming up on our right, the cliffs beginning to give away to green hills and pastures, rain beginning to close in on all sides. Ash unbuckled her seatbelt and leaned over the backseat, rummaging through the many boxes, pulling out two sweatshirts. She tossed one to me while she donned the other.

"Whatever happened to my grey one??"

I had to scrunch my face in concentration, where did it go? Then I remembered.

"I gave it to an old friend, Casey says hi, by the way."

She looked at me confused, her lower lip protruding as she tried to figure out what I just said. I just laughed and turned back to the road, the sign coming into focus as we zoomed past it.

"Welcome to Oregon Spence."

I grinned at her, leaning over the center divider and stealing a kiss from her as I turned back to the road, throwing back my head and laughing.

A/N: Peace


End file.
